Originally written on Losers Bracket  |  Last updated 10/22/14

As a child of the 80s – 90s, I grew up and LOVE LOVE LOVE the musical genra known as “**** Rock”. Some call it “Hair Metal”. Whatever you call it, I would like for the Losers out there to vote and let me know who they feel is the best **** Rock Band EVER.

Here are my top five and some thoughts. Also, videos for each….and the videos are mostly in terrible 90s quality because, well, that’s how we watched tv back then….about 50 DPI or something

 

CINDERELLA

 

I freaking love Cinderella. Hailing from Pennsylvania, Tom Keifer and the boys have made hits such as; Gypsy Road, Nobody’s fool, Heartbreak Station and Shake Me. Keifer has a fantastic **** rock voice. He hits all the damn notes and can scream with the best. I saw this band at the State Fair some years ago and, at 50, they are still rocking. Hearing their music makes feel like it summer, I am at a bar or playing softball and just getting plowed with a huge group of people. Cinderella makes me think of booze, women and good times…………..as any great **** rock band should.

 

Click here to view the embedded video.

 

 

MOTLEY CRUE

 

CRUE CRUE CRUE CRUE!!! I can hear the chants. I can see Tommy ******* Lee playing his drums upside down. Man, too many hits to count. From the cow bell in “Too Fast for Love” to the ballads such as Home Sweet Home, The Crue has provided **** Rock enjoyment since I was in Junior High. I still remember when the Dr. Feelgood album came out. I bought it and couldnt wait to get home to play that **** all night long. HAHA yeah, we had to wait until we got home to play our music on demand. The Crue lived the lifestyle. Members nearly died from injecting drugs and JACK DANIELS into their veins and they banged every chick in the 80s and 90s. THE CRUE RULES!!

 

Click here to view the embedded video.

 

SKID ROW

 

 

I know there are bands with more hits than Skid Row, and there are bands with more well known members as a whole, BUT **** ROCK IS NOT **** ROCK WITHOUT SEBASTIAN FREAKING BACH. Sebastian Bach is **** Rock. He has the hair, the songs such as “Youth Gone Wild” and “Ill Remember You” and he is a movie star. Sebastian was in freaking Trailer Park Boys and has been all over Hollywood since Skid Row’s heyday in the 90s. I bet I still listen to “I’ll Remember You” at least once a week.  There isn’t a more pure **** rock and rock and roll band than what Sebastian and Skid Row provide. **** Yeah.

I’ll Remember you…………this is THE Song. **** Rock bleeding through every note.

 

Click here to view the embedded video.

 

POISON

 

Nothing says 80s – 90s hair and glam metal like Poison. When they first came out critics said they wouldn’t last……..well eat **** critics because Brett Michaels and Poison are still rocking to this day. Yeah, almost 20+ years later these dudes are still telling us What the Cat Dragged in. Sure they broke up about 30 times but their music is imprinted on Americana forever. I slow danced to “Every Rose Has its Thorn” in high school and imagined myself on a Harley listening to “Ride the Wind”. Hell, the grand march at my wedding was to “Nothing but a Good Time” so that goes to show you what impact Poison has had on my life.  Poison is in my top 5 for a reason. You really cant have a **** rock discussion without mentioning Poison.

 

Click here to view the embedded video.

 

DEF LEPPARD

 

I consulted a renowned Campbellsport Area **** Rock expert, and asked this question. “Is Def Leppard **** Rock?” The answer was a definite YES. The expert replied “If you are discussing glam / hair metal, or 80s -90s **** rock, Def Leppard is where it started”. Sold. Def Leppard has it all. They have the hair, they have more hits than Barry Bonds does steroid aided home runs. Def Leppard has some of the best ballad of all times along with some of the best damn rock and roll songs ever. I remember summers at K.O.A. Campgrounds listening to “Photograph” on my crappy cassette player (one of those white cassettes….before the C2 clear metallic ones….what was that ******** anyways). One of the best behind the music shows ever was Def Leppard. In it, Joe Elliot describes that they often times had stages in the center of the crowd. Joe and the boys would have their scout teams wrangle up hotties and bring them under the stage. Then, during guitar solos, Joe would go under the stage and BANG HOTTIES. Holy smokes, if thats not **** Rock, I dont know what is. Much like Poison, and many other **** Rock Bands, Def Leppard is still going strong.

 

Click here to view the embedded video.

 

 

So there you have it Losers, five bands that define **** Rock. This list is in no way exclusive as there are great bands such as Tesla, Slaughter, etc left off. If you think of one which isn’t on this list, add it to the comment.

 

VOTE NOW.

 

 

Note: There is a poll embedded within this post, please visit the site to participate in this post's poll.

 

 

 

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