Originally written on Awful Announcing  |  Last updated 8/27/14
Fox Sports columnist Jason Whitlock is a polarizing fellow.  His controversial opinions have crossed the line of decency on a few notable occasions and he's an all too easy target for critics.  Today represents a new page turned in the career of Jason Whitlock as he has been transformed from stodgy sportswriter to satire savant.   Today Whitlock has brought thousands around the country together in laughter with a piercingly funny column in the student newspaper at Ball State.  Never before has any Jason Whitlock column brought such universal happiness and good will.  Much like Will Ferrell pinpointing a few rural markets for his hilarious Old Milwaukee ads, Whitlock has started small and let the comedic strength of his writing take it viral.  What an admirable, cunning ploy. Dare I say this is one of the funniest bits of satire I've ever seen from a sports columnist. Watch out, Onion!  Be forewarned Daily Show!  Keep that seat warm Stephen Colbert!  Jason Whitlock has jokes, y'all. The hilarious premise of Whitlock's column is a depressed sportswriter yearning to win an award he's not even eligible for - the Pulitzer Prize.  Of course it's absurd, but it reads so sincerely one has a hard time knowing whether or not it's real or it's satire.  That's how you know your satire is at that elite satireing level.  Well done, Mr. Whitlock: "My career goal of winning the Pulitzer Prize for commentary and etching my name alongside the greatest newspaper columnist in history is an impossibility. I’m ineligible because I work for FOXSports.com. Dear Mr. Whitlock: Broadcast media and broadcast media Web sites are not eligible for participation in the Pulitzer Prize competition. Our rules have spelled that out for many years. I’m sorry to disappoint you but we cannot accept your entry. Sincerely, Sig Gissler  Adminstrator That was the email I received Tuesday. I suspected it was coming since I sent my entry in two weeks ago. But each day that passed gave me a tiny bit of delusional hope the Pulitzer board would ignore its rules and recognize me as a journalist and my work in journalism. Gissler’s email hurt. I didn’t know the Pulitzer’s rules until the day I began filling out the entry form. I’m stubborn. I entered my work anyway and wrote a defiant, pleading cover letter begging the Pulitzer board to evaluate my work on its merits. It was my Hail Mary."   Defiantly applying for an award you know you can't win and then still publicly wallowing in your own depressed rejection?  Ha, nobody in the real world does that! Also, Sig Gissler.  Phenomenal made up name.  Just phenomenal. Whitlock continues going where no actual writer would go by effusively praising his own work. "When I showed up at the Kansas City Star in 1994, I shook the entire Midwest and eventually the country." Funny, I remember growing up in the Midwest in the 90's and being safely clear of Jason Whitlock shaking the entire region with the momentum of a runaway freight train.  Thankfully The Wire came along and catapulted Whitlock into the stratosphere of American sportswriters.  No, sportswriters across the globe.  NO!  Sportswriters across the galaxies. "Last year, it’s my belief, I had my best year as a columnist. It all came together. I perfected my column style. For years, I’ve tried to take sports headlines and transform them into lessons about American society at large." Jason Whitlock perfected his column in the last year.  If that doesn't have you spinning uncontrollably on the floor I don't know what will.   Go home sportswriters.  You can't touch columns like these... I love Ray Lewis, and here's why you should too RG3 should share blame for injury Shaq doesn't want THIS Olympics is no place for crying Real reason I think Lin is a great story Jason Whitlock devastated Pulitzer entry rejected, ponders whether he sold out I just hope Jason Whitlock's Ball State student paper masterpiece is being e-mailed, tweeted, and forwarded throughout news rooms, sports departments, and websites throughout the country.  Thank you Jason Whitlock.  Thank you for the gift of laughter.
Ios_download En_app_rgb_wo_45

Danny Almonte: Race possible factor in LLWS controversy

Chargers, Raiders propose joint stadium in Los Angeles County

Adrian Peterson feels ‘uneasy’ about returning to Vikings

Jerry Krause: Phil Jackson took Knicks job ‘for the money’

LeBron on Cavs: ‘We can win a championship with this roster’


Jackson ‘cried tears of joy’ after finding out he was traded

Phillies GM: Hamels' desire for trade 'totally understandable'

‘Serious concern’ over Jadeveon Clowney’s knee

Is bigger really better for NHL goaltenders?

Hope Solo reportedly about to be reinstated to USWNT

Breaking down all 11 deals of the 2015 NBA trade deadline

WATCH: Bobby Knight screams at fans while calling game

Pablo Sandoval responds to criticism of unflattering photo

WATCH: Russell Wilson opens up about Super Bowl XLIX loss

Jon Stewart, WWE star engage in amusing trash talk feud

2015 NFL Combine: Seven prospects who should 'blow up'

Are the Rams quietly plotting a move to Los Angeles?

Celtics’ trade deadline dealings proof days of tanking are over

How many good baseball players were good prospects?

Chelsea bans racist fans who refused black man aboard train

Jerome Kersey died from blood clot in his lungs

Needs for each AFC team heading into the 2015 NFL Draft

Needs for each NFC team heading into the 2015 NFL Draft

Entertainment News
Delivered to your inbox
You'll also receive Yardbarker's daily Top 10, featuring the best sports stories from around the web. Customize your newsletter to get articles on your favorite sports and teams. And the best part? It's free!

By clicking "Sign Me Up", you have read and agreed to the Fox Sports Digital Privacy Policy and Terms of Use. You can opt out at any time. For more information, please see our Privacy Policy.
Get it now!
Ios_download En_app_rgb_wo_45

Sandoval responds to photo criticism

Jon Stewart, WWE star engage in 'feud'

‘Serious concern’ over Clowney’s knee

Are Rams plotting move to L.A.?

Report: Solo to be reinstated to USWNT

How many good players were good prospects?

Breaking down all 11 deals of the 2015 NBA trade deadline

NFL Draft: AFC team needs

NFL Draft: NFC team needs

Zimmer 'hopeful' Peterson returns

Jerome Kersey, Michael Jordan and the 1987 Dunk Contest

Sapp paid $600 for oral sex, striptease

Today's Best Stuff
For Bloggers

Join the Yardbarker Network for more promotion, traffic, and money.

Company Info
What is Yardbarker?

Yardbarker is the largest network of sports blogs and pro athlete blogs on the web. This site is the hub of the Yardbarker Network, where our editors and algorithms curate the best sports content from our network and beyond.