Originally written on It's Always Sunny in Detroit  |  Last updated 9/11/14
Dear Kate,

It's not me, it's you. I once thought that I loved you and that I would grow old loving you. I would have given you the liberty of doing anything that want. You could have molded me into any man that you wished. I would have been your pawn. 

 It breaks my heart, but I can no longer think about seeing you anymore. I have learned through your interview with ESPN's Colin Cowherd that you're a University of Michigan fan.  I know you're young and naive, but you'd enjoy life so much more if you were a fan of any other school in the nation (save maybe Notre Dame).

I know that we've never actually met and that I'm just some chump who posts pictures and videos of you on the internet, but we I would have had a good time. Despite all banging body, sense of humor and your playful attitude, all I see is maize and blue. And because of this, I hope that U of M lets you down at every chance possible.

It was nice never knowing you,


PS - Call me.

Upton revealed to ESPN's Colin Cowherd that she and her family are Michigan football fans. Cowherd mistakenly said that Upton attended U of M.  She said that, "Every year, we have a huge family reunion after Thanksgiving and go to the Ohio State-Michigan game."  Upton was born in St. Joseph, Michigan, but was raised in Melbourne, Florida.

It's a darn shame that it won't be bikini season in November come 2013 when the O$U-UM game will be in Ann Arbor again. There won't be any of this going on...

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