According to Neumann, a reincarnated Ted Williams will bat .407 during the 2036 regular season.
With the free agent market doors opening over the weekend, it’s still too early to gauge just how well the San Francisco Giants will do in terms of finding another bat or two to support their top-notch starting rotation.
With that being said, it’s difficult to make an assessment today on whether or not the Black and Orange will be able to make a viable run at another title in 2012.
Let alone 2036.
But one prognosticator has already predicted the G-men won’t be returning to the Fall Classic anytime soon. Make that anytime in the next 25 years.
ESPN editor Thomas Neumann (an admitted San Diego Padres fan) broke out his crystal ball Saturday and made a bold prediction…..er, 25 bold predictions in his article titled “Predicting The Next 25 World Series Champs.”
Neumann gets right to it with his pick of the Philadelphia Phillies over the New York Yankees in six games next season. A very reasonable guess.
But as you scroll down the article, you will soon find yourself wondering whether he was using a crystal ball, or crystal meth.
For instance, Neumann predicts that the Chicago Cubs will play in five straight World Series — and lose all five! First of all, that would require the end of the Billy Goat Curse, which has plagued the Cubbies for the past 66 years. Chicago hasn’t won a pennant since 1945. Of course, five straight World Series losses would have people still talking about the curse. Or at least Marv Levy and the Buffalo Bills.
Another interesting prediction Neumann makes is the winner of the 2017 Fall Classic. The team that will beat the Cubs in their fifth straight appearance is none other than the — wait for it — Sacramento A’s.
The Athletics, Neumann predicts, will finally give up on moving to San Jose and move into Raley Field (the current home of their Triple-A affiliate, the Sacramento Rivercats). That might require some retrofitting — and a plan to move to the capital city, something that has been talked about in the past but is not currently a topic of conversation in baseball circles, as far as I know.
He’s then got the A’s winning it all again in 2025 — as the Las Vegas A’s. And in 2030 as the Mexico City A’s. And again in 2034 as the Shanghai A’s. Who the hell owns this team? Al Davis, Jr.?
The A’s aren’t the only team that will change cities either, according to Neumann.
The New Jersey Yankees will lose to the San Diego Padres (led by Tony Gwynn III, of course) in four games come 2035.
The only Giants appearance comes courtesy of the Yomiuri Giants (of the Japanese Baseball League), who will defeat the Arizona Diamondbacks in an international six-game “world” series in 2029.
Yomiuri, along with the Hokkaido Nippon-Ham Fighters (2033 world champs), Hiroshima Toyo Carp (2027) and the two overseas A’s teams obviously gives us a hint that MLB will succeed in it plan to truly make baseball a worldwide sport.
In fact, the sport goes inter-galactic by 2036, when the Andromeda Galaxy Quasars defeat — who else? — the Chicago Cubs, in a tight seven-game series, led by a reincarnated Ted Williams, whose playing on a massively muscular animatronic body modeled after Barry Bonds.
Obviosuly, Neumann’s piece (part of ESPN’s hilarious Page Two series) is more comical than contemplative, so don’t go calling your bookie just yet.
As a matter of fact, Neumann’s funniest prognostication has to be the 2023 World Series championship he predicts for the Los Angeles Angels of Santa Anaheim and South Orange County, Including But Not Limited To Laguna Beach, Dana Point and San Juan Capistrano. Try getting all that on a jersey!
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