Found August 23, 2012 on Extra Pine Tar:

Gross. This video makes me physically ill, but I still can’t turn away from this quivering blob of lard trying – and failing – to shag fly balls in the outfield before an A’s game just prior to being suspended 50 games for jamming syringes into his undoubtedly rash-covered backside.

And why is he wearing a hoodie before a day game in Oakland? His teammates are all wearing short sleeves and shorts, while Bartolo looks like he’s all set to go cross-country skiing across the Siberian wilderness. It’s probably like 75 degrees outside, and Colon already must be a sweaty pig just on principle, right? So when he’s rocking a sweatshirt and running around like a fat kid chasing an ice cream truck, he must be borderline drowning in his own filth and excrement.

He’s so worn out from giving a half-assed effort on a fly ball in front of him (which me misses terribly) that he can’t go back on a ball over his head just a few seconds later.  I felt a little bad initially, and I almost wanted to give him a hug because he looks so sad and lonely, until I realized that he probably smells like he just came back from rummaging through a landfill in search of a half-eaten piece of cake to shove into his face.

Bartolo Colon is on the short-list of grossest human beings on the planet, rivaled in sports only by Tony Siragusa and that thing on the side of Drew Brees’ face. Colon way win out because I can’t get the image of him shoving a needle into his ass out of my head.

Quick side note: My brother used to work the overnight shift at the front desk of a hotel. The late night maintenance guy was from the Dominican, and the two of them got talking one day about Dominican baseball players and how they’re viewed when they’re on the island. The guy said that Pedro Martinez was revered, and was perhaps the most popular player in the whole country.

As for Bartolo? He’s apparently overtly gay. Completely out of the closet. Walks down the beach shirtless holding hands with his partner.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Still, if it’s true, it comes as a little bit of a shock right? The Dominican guy at the hotel could just have been making it up so he could tell his buddies later that he confused the white guy working at the front desk, but it seems like an odd thing to just make up on the spot.

Yet, if it’s true, how has it not made it back to America? Isn’t that the sort of story that Jeremy Schaap would LOVE to speak slowly about? Or that Bob Ley would love to link to steroids (“Steroids. Homosexuality. What’s the connection? What don’t we know? This…is Outside the Lines.”)

I don’t know the truth. Don’t shoot the messenger. All I know is that when you type in “Bartolo Colon g” on google, “Bartolo Colon gay” is the second thing that pops up. That has to mean something, doesn’t it?


A's Colon suspended 50 games

Oakland Athletics' right-handed pitcher Bartolo Colon has been suspended 50 games for testing positive for performance-enhancing drugs. Major League Baseball announced the suspension Wednesday for the 39-year-old Colon, who was in the midst of a rebound season with a 10-9 record and 3.43 ERA for the wild-card contender. "I apologize to the fans, to my teammates and to...

If it looks like a duck, and it quacks like a duck, sometimes it means Bartolo Colon used steroids.

Something fishy about the success of a chubby thirty-nine year old Bartolo Colon? A week ago I wrote a post suggesting that we probably should have seen Melky Cabrera’s steroid suspension coming.  There was a clear spike in his numbers at the beginning of last season.  Yesterday Bartolo Colon received the same 50 game suspension from MLB for illegal testosterone use.  But...

Bartolo Colon Yet Another Player Suspended for Testosterone

The Office of the Commissioner of Baseball announced today that Oakland Athletics pitcher Bartolo Colon has received a 50-game suspension without pay after testing positive for Testosterone, a performance-enhancing substance in violation of Major League Baseball’s Joint Drug Prevention and Treatment Program. The suspension of Colon is effective immediately. Colon did not try...

Bartolo Colon suspended 50 games for positive test

The Indians have old and new history with Bartolo Colon. The one-time Tribe ace most recently beat the Tribe at the age of 39 as a member of the Athletics on August 18th. No fake websites for Colon. He’s taken full responsibility for the incident. ”I apologize to the fans, to my teammates and to the Oakland A’s,” Colon said in a statement released by the players’ association...

Bartolo Colon Fails Drug Test

According to multiple reports Oakland Athletics veteran starting pitcher, Bartolo Colon, has been suspended 50 games by Major League Baseball for a failed drug test. Colon’s failed test results indicated that an abnormal amount of testosterone was in his system.  This is the second player ban by Major League Baseball this month for PED use. Colon will miss the remainder of 2012...

Brett Anderson Looks Like Brett Anderson at Just the Right Time

Let’s just go ahead and get this out of the way now: there’s no such thing as a good time to lose a starting pitcher like Bartolo Colon. Over 24 starts with the A’s, Colon posted a 3.43 ERA and peripherals that make him look only a little less good, and Colon has been a big part of Oakland’s attempted playoff push. Now he’s done, having been found out for cheating, and...

A's Lose Colon To Drug Ban

The Oakland A's chances at a post-season run took a hit on Wednesday when it was announced that veteran starter Bartolo Colon will be suspended for 50 games following a violation of the MLB drug prevention program. The 50-game suspension will through the rest of the regular season.

A's look to regroup quickly from Colon suspension

OAKLAND, Calif. -- Athletics starting pitcher Bartolo Colon, the former Cy Young award winner and two-time All-Star, won't be around for Oakland's surprising pennant push and news of his 50-game suspension stunned teammates who had come to rely on the popular and dependable veteran. A week to the day after San Francisco Giants outfielder Melky Cabrera was hit with a 50...

Bartolo Colon to be suspended 50 games

Athletics-Rays Preview

Bartolo Colon was scheduled to pitch the opener of Oakland's key three-game series at Tampa Bay. Instead, the Athletics must move forward without the veteran right-hander. The A's will directly feel the effect of Colon's 50-game suspension for a positive testosterone test Thursday night against the Rays in a matchup of postseason contenders. Pushing for its first playoff...

Complete list of violations of MLB’s joint drug prevention and treatment program since 2005

    Earlier this week Oakland A’s pitcher Bartolo Colon became the second big league player in a matter of days, joining Melky Cabrera of the San Francisco Giants, to violate MLB’s Joint Drug Prevention and Treatment Program. Both tested positive for testosterone and each received a 50-game suspension. Since 2005 there have been 599 [...]

Pitcher's wife sends hubby PED zinger

The wife of A's pitcher Brandon McCarthy sent her husband a zinger that tied in PEDs and made a joke about him on a personal level.

Baseball's PED Climate Makes It Hard to Believe Players Enjoying Breakout Seasons Always Doing It Clean (Video)

In light of Melky Cabrera and Bartolo Colon testing positive for performance-enhacing drugs, it's tough for baseball fans to not think the worst of any players enjoying suspicious amounts of success this season. Not every player deserves to be believed guilty until proven innocent, but unfortunately, that's a reality that many will have to face as the positive tests continue...

A's 5, Twins 1

OAKLAND, Calif. -- Rookie Tommy Milone pitched eight innings, allowed two hits and a run, struck out five and walked only one batter as the Oakland Athletics beat the Minnesota Twins, 5-1, on Wednesday afternoon. Milone (10-9) became the second pitcher on the staff to notch double-digit victories (Bartolo Colon, 10), and the win ended a personal three game losing streak. Coco...
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