Brandon Beachy left Saturday’s start with a sore elbow. Usually when pitchers have a sore elbow it means one of two things. One, they’re going on the DL for a long period of time. Or two, they’re going to say they’re going on the DL for only 15 days but it will be a long time. Yeah, those are kinda the same things, but it adds a little flare when I break them up into two things. My English Comp professor would’ve said, “Grey, you add filler on top of your filler then you put commas where they’re not supposed to be then, add more filler. Have you considered a math major?” I told you to sell him about two weeks ago, but I understand how hard it is to sell an overperformer, so many of you were probably stuck with Beachy, or stranded, as the case may be. I’d DL him and hope for better news heretothen. Bee tee dubya, I just made up heretothen. Pretty good, right? Feel free to use it for the rest of twelve after twenty. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:
Kris Medlen – The Braves stretched out Medlen, then yo-yo’d all over the place with what he should and would be doing. Fredi Gonzalez said, “I have enough problems to worry about since I can’t pitch Venters 400 innings this year.” Now with Beachy’s injury, Medlen remains in the bullpen. Yup. Instead, the Braves are filling Beachy’s rotation spot with Jair Jurrjens. Obviously, the Braves management threw a dart at a board to fill the rotation spot and said dart landed in a nearby toilet.
Randall Delgado – 8 IP, 2 ER, 4 baserunners, 6 Ks to lower his ERA to 4.12. Delgado’s teetering on that seesaw (or is it seesawing on the teeter-totter?) between valuable as an NL-Only pitcher and barely rosterable in mixed leagues. If he could knock a walk off his per nine, he could swing things to him being plucked out of the mixed league waiver sandbox.
Max Scherzer – 8 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners (0 walks), 12 Ks. I finally figured out a nickname for Scherzer. Not that I haven’t tried before. For a while, we called him Jobacum, comparing him to a mix of Joba and Lincecum, and, believe or not, that was a compliment. Then we called him The Golem because he sounds like a character from a Michael Chabon book. Now, I’ll call him Maddening Max. Does anyone have any idea what this guy is going to do from start to start? And, if he just went out and gave a 6 IP, 2 ER, 6 Ks start on occasion, then it wouldn’t be so bad. But he gives 6 IP, 7 ER one start and 7 IP, 0 ER, 14 Ks the next. Or maybe I’ll call him Max Scherzerphrenic.
Quentin Berry – 5-for-5 and a steal after losing his starting job when Austin Jackson returned. Yesterday, Jackson and Berry were in the Detroit lineup together as the Tigers honored Motown. The temptation to start Berry going forward might be stronger now, but I think to get him in the everyday lineup would take a miracle. Got it, Smokey?
Ryan Sweeney – Heads to the DL with a minor toe injury. His pinky toe would appreciate not being called minor.
Josh Beckett – To the DL with a sore shoulder. He’s supposed to be fine when he returns, but shoulder problems for pitchers can be tricky. Oekávání, which is me putting expectations in Czech.
Scott Podsednik – Left yesterday’s game with a “minor groin injury.” Have you seen his wife? Anything that impedes his groin should be considered a Code Red.
Johnny Cueto – 7 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 8 Ks to lower his ERA to 2.38. I’m not sure how many of you are watching (or have watched since the season might be over; I don’t know, I caught it On Demand) the show, Girls, but Cueto reminds me of Adam. You want to dislike him for ending LaRue’s career and his ability to beat out his xFIP, but you realize you don’t care that much about LaRue and Cueto’s kinda of charming with his ERA and Ks.
Chris Young – 7 IP, 2 ER, 11 baserunners, 2 Ks. Eleven baserunners and 2 Ks? That’s pretty blehtastic. I’d let someone else take Christall off ice.
Bud Norris – To the DL with a knee sprain. Miss Crabtree, hope you’re not mad at me because I told you about the Bud knee.
Ervin Santana – Threw a one-hit shutout on Saturday. Well, that’s all well and good or whatever that cliche is, but he just gave up seven earned runs in each of his previous two starts, one of which was against the Mariners. So the Ervin magic you saw on Saturday was nice, but if I saw him on waivers in most leagues I’d give him a no-look pass.
Garrett Richards – 8 IP, 0 ER, 8 baserunners, 5 Ks. The Diamondbacks have looked lifeless the last two days. I’m not even sure Krispie’s been on the field for the last couple of weeks. I think it’s Nick Punto wearing Krispie’s earth skin. As for Richards, I still wouldn’t go near him in mixed leagues, unless it was as a streamer in an H2H league. He has 17 Ks to 11 BBs in 21 IP. Against a legit offense, he’s going to get bombed out.
Carlos Gonzalez – Day-to-day with a knee strain. It’s straining men! Right now, he’s day-to-day. Hopefully, on Monday he’ll be today-to-tomorrow-okay.
Ivan Nova – 7 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 4 Ks. I’d pick up Ivan Nova in all leagues right now. Or Avon Navi if you’re dyslexic. Here at Razzball, no fantasy baseballer is left behind! BTW, what dyslexic person could possibly spell dyslexic? You think they’d go easy on them and call it something like Otto-immune.
Justin Grimm – 6 IP, 3 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks in his first major league start on Saturday. In the minor leagues, he showed solid K-rates and great control. So, what’s Grimm? That he’ll make his home starts in Texas and once a Ranger starter gets healthy or Oswalt shows up, Grimm will probably be sent back down. For now, I’d grab him in AL-Only leagues, and only look at him as a streamer in certain matchups for mixed leagues.
Jason Hammel – Threw a one hit shutout on Saturday vs. the Braves. His season numbers sit at 2.87 ERA, 1.16 WHIP and 77 Ks in 81 2/3 IP. Yeah, that’s probably better than five of the six starters on your team. Yeah, you should own him. No, I’m not being facetious.
Pedro Alvarez – 2 HRs on Saturday. 2 HRs on Sunday. He’s liable to hit 6 more homers this week and then go oh-for-July. The prettiest way I can tell you to pick up Pedro is just saying it (while wearing this short baby doll dress number).
Alex Presley – 2-for-15 this weekend. Belch. The two were homers. That’s a belch with a pleasant grape soda aftertaste.
Adam Wainwright – 7 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 8 Ks to lower his ERA to 4.46. Selfishly, I hope he ends the season with an ERA above 4 so he comes at a discount next year. Shellfishly, I made you some risotto, Pinchy.
Matt Holliday – Left yesterday’s game with a “persistent leg condition.” What, does he have jimmy leg? It’s something that has bothered him for a month, so it shouldn’t sideline him for any extended amount of time, i.e., no holiday for Holliday.
Jose Quintana – 8 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks. ERA’s now at 1.53 thru 35 1/3 IP. How’s that quote go? Expectations is a dish best served without any expectations? Yeah, well, in that case Quintana’s looking great, but if you expect him to continue this he’s gonna taste like Jose Quinoa.
Elian Herrera – 3-for-4 yesterday. The Cougar and I went to the Dodger game on Friday. Magic may have lowered parking prices, but the ice cream Dibs are seven dollars and a domestic beer is ten dollars! My Cougar needs her draft beer! For the better part of the game, Cougar was devastated to hear Tug McGraw passed away. That was her favorite player when she was a young cougar. The highlight was the Todd Coffey sprint from the bullpen. He gets to the infield grass and is totally winded like a Biggest Loser contestant the first day with Bob. Anyway, Herrera, who went 2-for-5 with 3 RBIs, and Dee Gordon, surprisingly, look like the only ones who can hit on the Dodgers.
Chris Capuano – 8 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 12 Ks. You’re not going to get anywhere near his worth in a trade, just ride the wave.
Jason Kipnis – 3-for-5 as he hit his 11th homer while stealing his 17th base. In just about all my leagues, I’m yelling, “Can I get a Kipnis?!”
John Mayberry Jr. – 3-for-4 with his 5th homer and third in his last 4 games. Finally, we might be seeing Mayberry, BFD. Probably not going to hit above .260, but he could hit twenty homers on the year and he’s at 5. That’s 15 more, and I didn’t even need to drop my pants to do that math.
Colby Rasmus – 3-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs with his 10th homer. Rasmussen is an antsy tsar! Damn you autocorrect!
Brett Cecil – 5 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks. Recalled to fill in for the one of, like, seven injured Blue Jay starters. He was pitching like a 4th starter in the minors, which means he’s worth an immediate pick up in AL-Only leagues, but I’d only monitor him in most mixed leagues. Best case scenario, you’re looking at a 7-ish K-rate and a low-4 ERA.
Alex Cobb – 7 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 10 Ks. The Tampa Bay Peach dominated yesterday, fo shizzle Andy Dufresne had to chisel, but I think that was more of an interleague-Marlins-are-kind-of-a-mess-offensively start. Never the hoo! His peripherals tell me he’s pitching deeper mixed-league capable at this point (32:12 K:BB; 1.17 WHIP). I wouldn’t drop anyone too valuable, but he’s someone with upside, i.e., Maybe Alex be sweetin’ to a fantasy number three, at the Elyse. Sorry, that’s a bit corny on the Cobb.
Rickie Weeks – 5 for his last 10 with 2 steals in his last three games. This will be announced officially on ESPN SportsCenter tonight, but this is the first time Rickie Weeks has had anything positive written about him on Razzball in 19 months.
Matt Capps – Dealing with a sore shoulder after (or maybe during) allowing 2 earned runs on Friday. The Twins are saying Capps should be ready to go on Tuesday. Perhapps, but it seems doubtful to me. Perkins would be the pickup.
Bartolo Colon – Left yesterday’s game with a strained oblique. Not worth stashing on the DL, so your team needs a Colon flush.
Edwin Jackson – 6 IP, 2 ER, 10 baserunners 1 K. No Nats starter gave up more than 2 earned runs in their start this weekend vs. the Yankees, because the Nats starters are hella good. That’s right, I brought the “you just dated yourself” lingo.
Ryan Zimmerman – 2-for-13 this weekend, batting .229. Someone wake me when he’s hitting .250 with 5 homers… On the year! Is this guy kidding me? How do you have 3 homers and below a .240 average? Are you even trying? Bryce Harper, who was named President of the World (official title), should fire Zimmerman.
Brad Lidge – Designated for assignment. That assignment is to travel to other major league clubs with a well-doctored resume, looking for work. In a job interview, Lidge says, “On the surface, it may seem like I’ve pitched poorly for the last five years, but every time I pitched, I made the rest of our bullpen feel better about themselves. As Demi Moore, Woody Harrelson and Robert Redford proved, you can’t put a price on self-esteem.”
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