Originally posted on Extra Pine Tar  |  Last updated 5/15/12

Roger Clemens still steadfastly denies doing steroids, despite the fact that he clearly, well, did steroids. His former teammate and best friend, Andy Pettitte, testified against him, as did his former trainer Brian McNamee. Neither of these people would have any real reason to make up something so detailed about The Rocket, yet Clemens still expects us to believe that everyone else is lying, and he’s telling the truth.

Of course, it gets even harder to believe that the same lunatic who used to have the Yankees’ trainer rub Tiger balm all over his balls before starts didn’t do consistently abuse steroids or Human Growth Hormone when you look at his splits. He won the Cy Young Award with a 2.98 ERA in Houston at 41 years old! In 2005, at 42 years old, his ERA was 1.87! After he left the Red Sox in 1996 after being decidedly mediocre three of his last four seasons, he went to Toronto and won consecutive Cy Young Awards! He was still pitching the AL East, so what changed?

I don’t know, maybe McNamee – like he testifies – starting shooting drugs into Clemens’ ass. It’s either that or the Rocket started drinking a ton more Vitamin C, and the results were exactly what the doctor ordered. What a joke. The guy pitched for 24 seasons, and was still effective in 2007. And don’t throw Jamie Moyer references at me. Moyer throws 78 miles per hour. Clemens threw 93 when he retired.

All this being said, maybe we should have guessed that something was going on with Clemens when he threw a shard of a broken bat at Mike Piazza – for no reason – as if he was hoping to gash Piazza and hurriedly start drinking his blood. After the game, Clemens said that he thought the bat was the ball. Beyond the absurdity of assuming that the barrel of a bat is a baseball, why then was he throwing it at Piazza? This isn’t dodgeball or that game when you run in-between the bases when you’re like 12 years old. It’s the World Series.

Fast forward to the 2:30 mark of this video to see a steroid-enraged Clemens just whip the bat with all his might – without even a split-second of thought  - directly at Piazza running up the first base line. It’s quite a move.

Yeah, Rog, you’re not going to convince me that you and your Tiger-balmed  coin purse are not guilty of ruthlessly abusing drugs and then lying about, while hurting everybody who was close to you in the process. You even threw your wife under the bus. Classy guy you are, Rocket.

At least I’ll take solace, even if you don’t go to jail for perjury, in the fact that it doesn’t take you much Tiger-balm to cover your seeds these days. Years and years of rigorous steroid abuse takes a toll on the body. That would be a good move for the prosecution, no? Just have Roger drop his pants?

Oh, I forgot. You didn’t take steroids. My bad.

 

MORE FROM YARDBARKER:
Five most anticipated September MLB call-ups
GET THE YARDBARKER APP:
Ios_download En_app_rgb_wo_45
MORE FROM YARDBARKER

The NFL is thinking about eliminating the preseason

Romo expected to miss 6-10 weeks with broken bone in back

Kaepernick explains why he is protesting national anthem

Dwyane Wade’s cousin shot and killed in Chicago

NFL tries to reduce kick returns, promptly causes more kick returns

LIKE WHAT YOU SEE?
GET THE DAILY NEWSLETTER:

San Francisco Giants inching closer to a record they really don’t want

Clint Dempsey undergoing testing for irregular heartbeat

Troubling details emerge from Jeremy Jeffress' DWI arrest

Chargers would welcome Joey Bosa if he signed contract

Falcons rookie Keanu Neal needs surgery on knee

Jerry Jones unhappy with Ezekiel Elliott's dispensary visit

Heading into the homestretch: 2016 ROY favorites

Premier League notebook: The love affair at Man U

One Gotta Go: NFL legends talking comedians is no joke

It's all about timing: The evolution of the clock in sports

Predicting the unpredictable: Your MTV VMAs rundown

10 great moments in the career of Roberto Duran

Marshall’s first impression of Fitzpatrick: ‘He was terrible’

One Gotta Go: NFL legends bring the hate for fast food

What you need to know about the Champions League draw

Six worst quarterback situations in the NFL

Can the San Francisco Giants bust their teamwide slump?

A look at 2016 college football conference changes

MLB News
Delivered to your inbox
You'll also receive Yardbarker's daily Top 10, featuring the best sports stories from around the web. Customize your newsletter to get articles on your favorite sports and teams. And the best part? It's free!

By clicking "Sign Me Up", you have read and agreed to the Fox Sports Digital Privacy Policy and Terms of Use. You can opt out at any time. For more information, please see our Privacy Policy.
the YARDBARKER app
Get it now!
Ios_download En_app_rgb_wo_45

Premier League notebook: The love affair at Man U

Heading into the homestretch: 2016 ROY favorites

One Gotta Go: NFL legends talking comedians is no joke

It's all about timing: The evolution of the clock in sports

Predicting the unpredictable: Your MTV VMAs rundown

10 great moments in the career of Roberto Duran

The 20 best boxing movies of all time

One Gotta Go: NFL legends bring the hate for fast food

What you need to know about the Champions League draw

Can the San Francisco Giants bust their teamwide slump?

Today's Best Stuff
For Publishers
Company Info
Help
Follow Yardbarker