Found August 28, 2013 on
There is an old cliché that says sports are supposed to be an escape from real life. When all of the harshness of the real world starts getting you down, there is always the pure goodness of sports to cheer you back up. These days, though, sports don’t really seem all that uplifting. With the NFL’s brain-damaged vets, the MLB’s Alex Rodriguez, and everything about all of college sports constantly disappointing us, SportsCenter feels a lot more like the local news than a bright and cheery vacation from the real world (and the local news these days seems a lot more like an episode of Gangland).
It is for this reason that I say, thank God for Brian Wilson. In a world where most of his coworkers take the concept of throwing a ball towards people with wooden sticks WAY too seriously, Wilson seems determined to bring as little seriousness to the world as possible.
His interviews are an exercise in patience for reporters, as he transitions free from whatever question was asked of him to hair styles to massage parlors to sailors to whatever else pops into his head. In many interviews, he includes his friend known only as the Machine – a large man in S&M leather bondage gear. He has claimed that his beard is jet black (despite his brown hair) because it tans during day games, that he was fined because his bright orange cleats were “too much awesome on [his] feet”, and that he became a certified ninja after studying the art for 12 minutes – in a dream. At times, he even talks about baseball.
This is not to say he doesn’t care about pitching. Wilson has overcome two Tommy John surgeries in his career and has still become a two-time World Champion with a solid chance at a third World Series this year. Wilson does care about baseball, is good at it, and still only seems to make the news for his play and harmless shenanigans. Why can’t more players be like that?
It is for this reason that I was personally devastated when I read about a razor company offering Wilson over a million dollars to shave his now iconic jet black beard. Although the grizzly thing has grown to lengths that would make the cast of Duck Dynasty cringe, and even includes a little rat tail at the end, it would be a shame – if not tragedy – to see the symbol of Wilson’s lighthearted lunacy go. Still, who in their right mind would turn down a million dollars to shave? Remember, he is a relief pitcher – his value to the team falls somewhere between those of the bullpen coach and batboy. That little trim would earn him more than double what he will make this entire season.
Luckily, as you might have guessed, Wilson is not in his right mind. Wilson declined the offer in a statement released by the pitcher’s representation and another released by his beard. The facial hair’s statement of “I DON’T CARE HOW MUCH MONEY’S ON THE TABLE … NOBODY’S CUTTING ME” was soon followed by a statement reassuring all of us that Wilson refuses to even trim it, and that the beard is going with him to the grave.
Despite my concern, it turns out things are going pretty much as usual in the life of Brian.
If we have learned anything in the past few years, it is that we cannot always trust the public image that pro athletes put out. In reality, Wilson could be a total jerk, or a cheater, or a serial killer (that Machine guy is a little disconcerting). Still, in a world where so much of sports news is bad news, I think we should all take a moment and just appreciate a guy who is willing to sacrifice one million dollars just to continue to look like a hobo.
That is as good of an escape from reality as any.
YOU SHOULD LIKE BACON SPORTS ON FACEBOOK HERE
OTHER ARTICLES YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE:
A look back at Derek Jeter’s Girlfriends
Calling in old school ringers for the MLB playoffs
3 pro wrestlers and their steroid using counterpart
Have you heard about the latest craze involving Bronson Arroyo?
The post Thank God for Brian Wilson’s Beard appeared first on Bacon Sports.
BEST OF MAXIM
AROUND THE WEB
Welcome to the latest installment of “The Fab Five,” our weekly look at some of the best teams in baseball and how the playoff picture is developing. With just over a month left in the regular season, the race to the playoffs is heating up in the NL Central and AL East, leaving those
HAVE A SEAT
Dodgers manager Don Mattingly pulled Yasiel Puig from Wednesday's game against the Cubs after only four innings, saying he was looking for a "better effort."
San Francisco Giants outfielder Andres Torres is scheduled for season-ending surgery on Wednesday.
The operation will remove bone spurs that are irritating Torres' left Achilles' tendon. The 35-year-old Torres has been hampered by the sore tendon for much of the season and was placed on the 15-day disabled list Thursday.
Manager Bruce Bochy said before Tuesday's game...
I attended the Rancho Cucamonga Quakes game on August 22. For a recap with some pictures, videos of both Corey Seager and Lindsey Caughel, and autographs of those two I picked up, head over here.
Triple-A Albuquerque Isotopes (4-3)
Player Of The Week – 8/19
Scott Van Slyke – 1B/OF
.462/.696/.769/1.465, 6 RBI, 8 Runs, 1 3B, 2 2B, 10 BB, 2 K, 1 SB
Seriously, how does SVS...
Matt Kemp may finally be ready to play in live action games. He tested his ankle by running the bases for the first time yesterday, and all went well. Kemp will continue to test his ankle today, but he is hoping to make a rehab start on Thursday. That could put him back by the end of the Dodgers' weekend series with the San Diego Padres or for the start of their series...
What seemed like a simple ankle sprain has turned into so much more for Andres Torres. The San Francisco Giants' outfielder's season is officially over and his recovery timetable will be a tough blow to his free agency hopes this offseason. Torres had been on the DL with an ankle injury, but now he will require surgery to remove bone spurs near his achilles tendon.
Hunter Pence sidestepped questions about his home run, the one that cleared the top row of seats in left field.
No, he didn't hear anything special when the ball made contact with his bat in the first inning.
And no, he didn't realize it was going to travel an extra-long way.
Pence wanted to avoid that topic all together after the San Francisco Giants beat the Colorado...
Hopefully, Major League Baseball can survive the affront to human decency that is Yasiel Puig.
We kid, of course, but hyperbole and Puig have gone hand in hand ever since the Los Angeles Dodgers phenom burst onto the scene in June. Within two weeks of his major league debut, Puig inspired comparisons to Joe DiMaggio and prompted a heated debate over whether his stellar month deserved...
The fans at Coors Field got a free water show during Monday night's Giants-Rockies game when all of the sprinklers went off for a few seconds during an at-bat in the fourth-inning.
With San Francisco already trailing 5-0, one of the announcers wondered if Giants manager Bruce Bochy called it in to the grounds crew to help "wake up his team."
The unexpected shower...
The Dodgers have an ace in Clayton Kershaw and another ace in Zack Greinke. And Ricky Nolasco? What’s he exactly?
Nolasco is giving the Dodgers pitching that’s at least equal to the aces and currently maybe even better. Crazy but true.
One turn after shutting down the Boston Red Sox Nolasco was back at it Wednesday afternoon blanking the Chicago Cubs in his dominating eight...
Vin Scully truly is one of a kind. The legendary Dodgers announcer regularly brings up the level of sports broadcasting with his combination of historical references, poetic language, and masterful storytelling. On Monday night, the 85-year-old broadcaster sent fans scrambling to their search engines to understand one of his references. Per Pedro Moura and others […]
The Los Angeles Dodgers have signed pitcher Edinson Volquez to a major league deal.
Volquez, 30, was recently cut loose by the San Diego Padres after compiling a 6.01 ERA and a 1.67 WHIP in 142 1/3 innings of work.
The Dodgers are not placing their playoff hopes on the arm of Volquez so there is no harm in looking. Volquez could be an late season at the end of the rotation...
LOS ANGELES (AP) -- Travis Wood outpitched Clayton Kershaw in a matchup of All-Star lefties, and Dioner Navarro and Starlin Castro had run-scoring singles to help the Chicago Cubs beat the Dodgers 3-2 Tuesday night, snapping an eight-game skid against first-place Los Angeles. After losing 6-2 against Zack Greinke in the series opener, the Cubs caught Kershaw on a decidedly off...
Poor situational hitting left the Arizona Diamondbacks one win shy of a series sweep.
They'll look to rebound against Tim Lincecum, who they've hammered over the last three seasons, as he starts for the San Francisco Giants in Friday night's opener at Chase Field.
After plating 16 runs in taking the first two games at San Diego, Arizona (68-64) suffered a 5-1 loss Wednesday...