Found October 02, 2012 on The Sports Headquarters:

Yup. It’s 2012. Bath salts had their 15 minutes of fame. There’s something called  ”smiles” or “smiley” which is some ridiculously potent mix of MDMA and LSD which has been murdering kids left and right. But obviously someone couldn’t let these small market drug runners steal his shine. The most self-righteous human being on the face of the Earth straight DEMANDED his face became the official face of heroin. Yup, LeBron James straight taking over the Black Tar game and for once I’m not even mad at him.

Nike. LeBron conquered them before he even stepped in the NBA. Dre Beats. LeBron basically owns them. Ditto Liverpool. The entire city, not just the soccer club. Vitamin Water. He’s all over that. $20,000 birthday parties. Guy practically invented them. How he didn’t get his face stamped on something a little more “Miami-y” like ecstacy first is well beyond my knowledge, but that’s what makes LeBron James him and Coley Michalik me. He’s just that far ahead of the curve. He knows bags of dope are going to replace sticks of bubblegum in packs of trading cards in 2012 and he wanted in on that action. Sure, it may seem like a farfetched idea right now. But if I told you eight years ago that there would be a black president running for RE-ELECTION in 2012 you probably would have looked at me like I had three heads.

The times they are a-changing. The NHL is no more. The iPhone is on it’s fifth version. The Washington Nationals, Oakland Athletics, and Baltimore Orioles are playoff teams. A Korean named Psy has the hottest song in the streets in America. LeBron James has his own designer heroin and Usain Bolt has his own strand of medical marijuana. What a world we are living in today, folks. I hope you’re enjoying it.

Honestly I’m excited for what this world has in store for us next. Are we going to be treated to Darryl Strawberry pink tinted cocaine? Perhaps Paul Pierce kevlar vests for nights to protect your back when you hit the town all alone? Maybe a Stephon Marbury sibling kissing booth on the Coney Island boardwalk? Michael Vick’s *insert dog joke here*? Pau Gasol bird cages? (I can go all day with these folks… And I will!) Minnesota Vikings’ sponsored adult entertainment river boats? A Travis Henry adoption agency in which he supplies the kid (this may already exist)? Hopefully some Joba Chamberlain Industrial Strength Crystal Meth Factories throughout the midwest? A Plaxico Burress firing range? Doc Ellis White Rabbit tabs?

The posibilities are literally endless and I cannot wait to see what today’s fine athletes come up with next. With every day comes a new chance to hear about something groundbreaking in the field of illegal drug distribution. I’m on the edge of my seat, passed out with a rose on my arm in a state of euphoric glee waiting in anticipation for the next big thing. Wont you join me?

TSHQ Disclaimer: Drugs are bad. Well, LeBron James’ drugs are bad. Don’t do LeBron James’ drugs. You will wake up in a road side ditch. You do not want to wake up in a road side ditch.


THE BACKYARD
BEST OF MAXIM
RELATED ARTICLES

LeBron James Adjusts Receding Hairline, Had Hairplugs Installed This Summer

Fans have noticed over the last two seasons that LeBron James' headband kept creeping further up his forehead -- likely to cover up his receding hairline. Expect the headband to move back down. James had hairplugs installed this summer. Terez Owens reported the news of James' new look and were told that, "he was sick and tired of hearing all the jokes revolving around...

LeBron James Branded Heroin Circulating the Streets of Philadelphia (Photo)

Some athletes are immortalized by having a burger, sandwich or drink named after them. Miami Heat star LeBron James recently received a somewhat similar honor when cops found over 100 bags of heroin with his name stamped on the front. According to police, a "major heroin dealer" from Philadelphia was busted last week with 140 packets of heroin. Each packet, however, was...

Philadelphia drug-dealer busted for selling that “Lebron James”

Apparently, when 19-year-old drug-dealer Marlon Guess was on the streets of Philly pushing that “Lebron James” but it wasn’t James’ playing card he was selling. Guess was busted last week for selling a undercover officer 140 bags of heroin branded with the name ”LeBron James” and a picture of the NBA superstar each bag. He is currently behind bars awaiting $250...

Philadelphia drug dealer gets busted for selling heroin labeled "LeBron James"

We've strange stories here on That NBA Lottery Pick but this one about Philadelphia drug dealer might take the cake or shall I say the heroin.A 19-year-old Philadelphia drug dealer by the name of Marlon Guess was arrested for selling heroin labeled LeBron James. An undercover police officer arrested Guess back on Tuesday after catching him with nearly 140 bags of cocaine that...

LeBron James to sit out preseason opener

In an article by ESPN, LeBron James could possibly sit out the Miami Heat’s preseason opener against the Atlanta Hawks.  The self-proclaimed king states that sitting out the first preseason game has nothing to do with burning out before the actual start of the NBA season, but just as a safety measure of some sort.  LeBron said, I don’t even know if I’ll play that much at...

That's one huge LeBron James bobblehead (Picture)

In case you were looking for a gift to give that Miami Heat fan, you may want to buy them this huge LeBron James bobblehead.The cost of said bobblehead: $600 bucks...(Courtesy of Rant Sports)

VIDEO: LeBron James 2012-13 season promo

Despite leading the Miami Heat to an NBA Championship, and Team USA to a gold medal at the London Olympics, reigning MVP LeBron James is ready to defend his title heading into the 2012-13 season. This new promo, titled  ”A New Chapter – LeBron James 2012-2013 Season Intro”  dropped recently to celebrate the return of King James, featuring a solid voiceover from the Legend...

Is LeBron James a Type of Heroin??

This is a serious question? Is LeBron James a Type of Heroin?  Upper Darby police said that they busted a major heroin dealer from Philadelphia on Thursday who had 140 packets of the deadly drug - all of which were stamped with the silhouette of a basketball player and the name "LeBron James." Story Haha, this is one of the better stories to come across my...

Heat Rumors: LeBron James Say Agent Switch Does Not Mean Return To Cleveland

In the Midst of the replacement refs and the drama surrounding the Presidential Election, Lebron James quietly switched agents. James left super power Creative Arts Agency and put his representation in the hands of childhood friend Rich Paul. As with everything that happens in the sports world, when change occurs, people start to create their [...] [[ This is a content summary only...
WAY DOWNTOWN

LeBron, Ray Allen trade half-court shots

Monday was just the average training camp day for the Miami Heat, and especially Ray Allen and LeBron James. Watch as they casually hit half-court shots like you or I open a closet door. The post Video: LeBron James and Ray Allen hit half-court shots during practice appeared first on The NBA Mistress.

LeBron James Has Tiny Fingers

So here’s a video of LeBron James getting sized for his ring, yes a video was made. But what’s more unusual, that someone decided to film it, that we posted it, or that you’re watching it? Either way, shouldn’t have this problem next season.

Durant, Thunder look to take final step to title

OKLAHOMA CITYSeems these days Kevin Durant and LeBron James are pretty much linked together. Opponents in The 2012 Finals. Gold medal teammates at the 2012 Olympics. Offseason workout partners. Best players in the NBA. And after the shortest summer of Durant's career, he now gets a chance to do something James did this time a season ago. Try and win a championship a season after...

Celtics fans rile up Heat crowd in scrimmage

MIAMI -- Miami Heat fans are already warming up for the Oct. 30 regular-season opener against the rival Boston Celtics. NBA scrimmages are normally filled with nothing but cheers, but there was some booing Wednesday night at AmericanAirlines Arena. That happened when two women late in the first half walked by in the stands, one wearing a Ray Allen No. 20 Celtics jersey and the other...
NBA News
Delivered to your inbox
You'll also receive Yardbarker's daily Top 10, featuring the best sports stories from around the web. Customize your newsletter to get articles on your favorite sports and teams. And the best part? It's free!

Today's Best Stuff
For Bloggers

Join the Yardbarker Network for more promotion, traffic, and money.

Company Info
Help
What is Yardbarker?

Yardbarker is the largest network of sports blogs and pro athlete blogs on the web. This site is the hub of the Yardbarker Network, where our editors and algorithms curate the best sports content from our network and beyond.