Each NBA team’s most important player

Houston Rockets — Chris Paul, PG

James Harden already knows Houston’s personnel and head coach Mike D’Antoni’s offense as well as the back of his beard, which leaves the majority of the adjusting in this relationship to be done by the newcomer Paul. CP3’s methodical, walk-the-ball-up style is in direct incongruence with the up-tempo principles that D’Antoni preaches (and to an extent, Harden’s own ball-dominating tendencies), so a middle ground will definitely need to be reached. Still, with his defensive activity, his subtle strokes of pick-and-roll genius, and yes, his leadership, Paul should provide a hard-hitting yin to Harden’s yang as the Rockets vie for the title of best non-Warriors team in the West.

Indiana Pacers — Myles Turner, PF/C

With Paul George peacing out of Indiana, the springy 21-year-old suddenly has the opportunity to be the biggest Turner on this side of Desiigner. While he could still use some improvement when it comes to rebounding and overall consistency, Turner otherwise has an ideal skillset for a young centerpiece to build a team around. Step 1: manufacture an elite defense using Turner’s shot-blocking and mobility. Step 2: construct a top-tier offense centered on his versatile scoring arsenal. Step 3: profit. OK, maybe it won’t be quite that easy, but it should still be a pleasure to watch Turner raise Hickory Hell in 2017-18.

Los Angeles Clippers — Blake Griffin, PF/C

“The Blake Griffin Show” is not only my favorite new primetime television series of the fall, it’s also the new reality for the Clippers in the aftermath of Chris Paul going ciao. The usual health disclaimers are inescapable with Griffin, whose availability could be the difference between 47 wins and the playoffs or 37 wins and the lottery. But for all you beleaguered point-forward enthusiasts, have I got a new god for you. Should I be institutionalized for believing Griffin has a chance to go LeBron Lite this season with a stat line somewhere in the range of 22-8-7? Probably. But what stands in the ex-top pick’s way in his debut season as Lob City’s sole breadwinner is neither talent nor circumstance: it’s his own body. Are you the gambling type, Clipper fans?

Los Angeles Lakers — Lonzo Ball, PG

It’s time to find out what Big Ballers are really made of. The eldest Ball bro may seem more like a reality star than a professional hooper and his signature shoe may be priced like it’s made of diamonds and caviar. But look beyond the funky jumpshot and the constant negative LaVar covfefe, and you will find a truly special talent. May his passing be so contagious that Adam Silver has to call in the CDC. May the conventions of the sport be turned further on their heads with each full-court outlet pass from his angelic triple-B fingertips. And may the Showtime Lakers bend at the knee and make way for a superior new brand of basketball: The ZoTime Lakers. Tell the haters to stay in their lanes.

Memphis Grizzlies — Mike Conley, PG, Memphis Grizzlies

It’s a point guard-driven league, and by golly, if the Grizzlies are paying Conley over $30 million a year, he darn well better be driving. Fortunately, that the dynamic southpaw did in 2016-17, doing whatever the exact opposite of the big contract blues is by putting forth a career-best year in production. Memphis seems to be going nowhere fast, especially with the untimely (or depending on your perspective, overdue) demise of Grit-N-Grind. But at least we’ll still have Conley getting us lost in the sauce with his two-way exploits.

Miami Heat — Hassan Whiteside, C

Goran Dragic’s nightly 0-to-100 act is enticing, as is the glow of that beachfront property on Waiters Island. But Whiteside’s areas of expertise remain the most irreplaceable on the Heat as he continues to prove his worth as their highest-paid player. The 2K rating has been up for awhile now, the block parties remain the most lit, and the midrange jumpers off glass are a quality wrinkle to what many once believed was a strictly one-dimensional offensive game. Now the focus for Young Whiteside should be on how to effectively match up against stretch-fives a la Kevin Love and Al Horford while still asserting his birthright over the painted area. Open up my eager eyes.

Milwaukee Bucks — Giannis Antetokounmpo, PG/SG/SF

My large, basketball-playing son is here to turn every day into Freaky Friday, bless his heart. Few superlatives could articulate the season Antetokounmpo put together in 2016-17. Embodying the spirit of Oprah Winfrey herself, he pointed at each of his major statistical categories and shouted, “YOU’RE GETTING A CAREER-HIGH! AND YOU’RE GETTING A CAREER-HIGH!” When the dust settled, Antetokounmpo finished with 22.9/8.8/5.4/1.6/1.9 and dragged a Bucks team that missed an entire season combined between Khris Middleton and Jabari Parker to the 6-seed. He’s a monstrosity no matter what end of the floor he’s on, and if he ever starts hitting his jumper with any consistency (which we’re already seeing glimpses of), not to be overly dramatic or anything, but we’re probably all dead. O Giannis, my Giannis.

Minnesota Timberwolves — Karl-Anthony Towns

There’s a reason why our young three-named emperor recently topped the 2017-18 NBA GM survey of which player they would most like to start a team with. True, he may still be a net liability as a defender. But 25.1 points per game on 54.2 percent from the field and 36.7 percent from three is special for any player, much less a 21-year-old pupper. Towns is equal parts physical and finesse, and while the buckets of St. Jimmy Butler and the all-around vigor of the newly-extended Andrew Wiggins will be key for the Wolves, what will truly bring the Western Conference to its knees is when KAT gets its tongue.

New Orleans Pelicans — Anthony Davis, PF/C

I’ve run out of clever eyebrow-related puns, so let’s just look at Davis for what he really is: the biggest walking mismatch in the league today. His trusty 18-footer makes him a tougher cover than a Giannis Antetokounmpo, his 6-foot-11 frame and his 8-foot wingspan make him a more unique hell than any shorter player, and graceful strides make him harder to guard going to the hoop than a Karl-Anthony Towns or a DeAndre Jordan. Now that Davis has hopefully gotten over his growing pains with fellow All-NBA big and ex-Kentucky Wildcat DeMarcus Cousins, the 30-point-per-game mark, the Defensive Player of the Year Award, who knows, maybe even Most Valuable Player honors are all hypothetically within the reach of his octopus-like grasp.

New York Knicks — Kristaps Porzingis, PF/C

Au revoir to the Melodrama at long merciful last. With Carmelo Anthony finally making like an egg and beating it, ’tis a new day for the Knickerbockers. And who better to lead them into their next chapter than Mr. Three Six Latvia? Sure, Porzingis will have some help from a Suicide Squad of sorts: Tim Hardaway’s overpaid son, rookie guard Frank last-name-pronunciation-unknown, and of course Woke Michael Beasley. But the people are finally getting what they want: a 7-foot-3 fairy-tale creature finally getting his moment as the focal point of an offense. All rise for the honorable Porzingod.

Oklahoma City Thunder — Russell Westbrook, PG

I don’t know about you, but I’m still out of breath from the rampage that was the Brodie’s 2016-17 season. His breakup with Kevin Durant left Westbrook free to release his earthly tether and spread his wings to live a war-hungry life among the dragons. Now, an MVP award, a scoring title, and basically every triple-double in NBA history later, Westbrook’s short-lived but nevertheless unforgettable solo career is over, and a new superteam has arisen before him. The equally stunning acquisitions of Paul George and Carmelo Anthony pose as many chemistry concerns as they do title upside, and now the onus in on Westbrook to be the gracious host who welcomes them into his house.

Orlando Magic — Aaron Gordon, PF

The poster child for the #NotMySmallForward movement that I just started literally five seconds ago, Gordon has nowhere to go but up this season. The talented 22-year-old endured a bitter 2016-17 campaign that saw him forced out of position in Orlando’s sardine-like frontcourt and left with an egg on his face after his dud of Dunk Contest follow-up act in what was an overall discouraging year for his growth as a player. But Serge Ibaka and Jeff Green have since gone bye-bye (albeit with rookie big man Jonathan Isaac saying hello), leaving Gordon to (hopefully) see more minutes in his natural habitat as a multi-position defensive padlock and energetic north-south presence from the power forward spot. Don’t blow this for us, Frank Vogel. Not again.

Philadelphia 76ers — Joel Embiid, C

“Live by the Process, die by the Process” -Matthew 26:52. With Philly committing a full five-year, $148 million max extension (albeit with some injury protections) to Embiid after just 31 career games, they are not just taking a leap but an entire skydive-out-of-a-C-182-aircraft of faith. The Cameroonian is well-worth the dice roll though — when he’s on the court, Embiid is a conqueror of galaxies who dominates every aspect of the game from paint to paint and often extends his reign of terror to the three-point line as well. To put it simply, Embiid’s health will be the singular defining factor for the Sixers’ trajectory as a team these next several years. No pressure, bro.

Phoenix Suns — Devin Booker, SG

Fact: Devin Booker scored 70 points in a game last season. Also fact: Michael Jordan’s single-game career-high was a mere 69. I don’t know about you, but I personally require no further convincing that Booker is the greatest basketball player of all-time. In all honesty though, it’s absurd how many different ways the Kentucky product can score the ball, and he’s still not even old enough to get into the club yet. Booker will stunt on you running the high screen or coming off it, and while the crux of his development needs to come on the defensive end, Phoenix has found their meal ticket for the next decade-plus.

Portland Trail Blazers — Damian Lillard, PG

Fresh off the hottest album drop in the history of either hip or hop, what exactly can we expect from Dame D.O.L.L.A. as we enter into a new season? Well, he went 27-5-6 last year and missed out on every major accolade before getting swept in the first round, so he probably has an entire bag of potato chips on his shoulder at this point. But Angry Lillard remains best Lillard, and thus, here’s looking forward to another year of him firing cannonballs from the three-point arc and delivering an assortment of inside-out dribbles to leave your knee ligaments in the abyss. From (number) zero to hero indeed.

Sacramento Kings — Buddy Hield, SG

No, this is not Vivek Ranadive’s alt-account. But as the Kings search for a new savior in their first full season post-Boogie Cousins, the smart money is on His Majesty Prince Buddy ascending to the throne. Hield is thoroughly marvelous at scoring and attacking off the dribble, and the 15.1 points per game he scored as a rookie after being traded to Sacramento provided a momentary glimpse into his offensive upside. And as we enter into the new NBA season, I’d like to propose a toast to the best basketball-playing Buddy since Air Bud himself.

San Antonio Spurs — Kawhi Leonard, SF

Not since the 2001 Sixers have we seen a team rely so heavily on a head of cornrows. With everybody on the Spurs aging and LaMarcus Aldridge getting some major style points for his Houdini act, Leonard in all of his stoicism may be the only thing preventing San Antonio from descending into a state of uncharacteristic chaos. There remains no better player alive if you need a stop on one end and a score on the other end, and as he looks for his third straight 60-plus-win season as the lead singer of the Spurs, expect Leonard’s stone-faced and iron-fisted rule to be front and center in the West once again.

Toronto Raptors — DeMar DeRozan, SG

“I’m just like DeRozan, if I shoot it, it goes in.” While that lyric might not be entirely statistically accurate (DeRozan’s career FG percentage is 44.6, so odds are if he shoots it, it probably won’t go in), his importance to the Raptors is no less. Though he took Toronto the bank over the summer, Kyle Lowry will turn 32 this season. Thus, the burden could increasingly lie on DeRozan to do most of the heavy lifting on offense.

After finishing fifth in the league last year with a personal-best 27.3 points per game, he is clearly fit for the job. But efficiency will always be an issue for No. 10, and it’s probably time to give up on the dream of him ever developing a reliable three-point jumper. So at the end of the day, if Toronto has any further growth to make with this current core, it will almost certainly have to come from DeRozan’s end of the equation.

Utah Jazz — Rudy Gobert, C

Raise thy hand if thou art ready for Rudy Gobert to go St. Anger on the National Basketball Association. Gordon Hayward is no more, but fear not Jazz fans, for The Stifle Tower remains to defend your honor, both literally and figuratively. There’s still a lot to like in Utah this year with Gobert set to catch lobs from fellow Euro stud Ricky Rubio as he and the rest of the team sop up the shot attempts that Hayward leaves behind. Meanwhile, the defense he anchors could potentially prove even more suffocating with the arrivals of rock-solid one-on-one stoppers like Thabo Sefolosha and Jonas Jerebko. Yep, this season especially, this Rudy should be anything but regular-sized.

Washington Wizards — John Wall, PG

With the vivid image of Wall catching the Holy Spirit and sinking a game-winning three in front of his home crowd in Game 6 of the Eastern Conference Semis still crisp in the minds of many, he enters 2017-18 with a lot more work ahead. It will be tough for Optimus Dime to build on a season where he flirted with a 23-11 line while playing in 77+ games for the fourth straight year and finishing top-ten in the NBA in usage. But he is embarking on the fabled age-27 season and will be running it back in a feeble conference with virtually his entire supporting cast still intact. All in all, it’s just another brick in the Wall.