Originally posted on Vikings Digital Diaries  |  Last updated 5/15/13
Despite several aggressive and haunting beatings provided by Vikings fans to the contrary, those god damn rumors about former Chicago Bears linebacker Brian Urlacher joining the Minnesota Vikings just won't die. Fans have tried breaking the rumors' nose, shattering several ribs, burning their house down, and threatening legal action, all to no avail. Somehow, these rumors keep coming back, and sometimes even stronger. Which raises the question; will Vikings fans have to plan an assassination attempt on these Brian Urlacher to the Vikings rumors before they go away? We investigate. Vikings fans are persistent. When the team let former middle linebacker Jasper Brinkley walk in free agency, that was when the rumors first started showing up around the local pool halls. Vikings fans were just playing a nice game of pool, shooting some balls and drinking some beers, when this rumor appeared and casually started dropping hints to fans like, "Hey, your team always signs old NFC North rival players. Urlacher may be available soon. You guys should pick him up." The rumors didn't stand a chance immediately, as they were taken out in the back alley, beaten to a pulp of flesh and left for dead behind a rat filled dumpster. But that wasn't even close to the end of them. A while later the Chicago Bears actually stated formally that they were no longer going to pursue signing Urlacher back to their team, stating that the franchise was not able to come to terms. Urlacher was free to sign with anyone he wanted to, and the beacon shone brightest on the Vikings with their now large gap at the middle linebacker position. The rumors appeared again then, bumping into Vikings fans at the local shopping mart in the meat aisle. Alarmed, Vikings fans would grab anything within reach ... French baguettes, frozen 16 pound turkeys, two liter bottles of Pepsi ... and savagely destroy the face of these rumors once more. With nerves running high, Vikings fans tried to rationalize out what this all meant while calling for a clean up on aisle seven. OK, OK, maybe the Vikings would sign Urlacher for a year while they drafted a middle linebacker in the upcoming NFL Draft. That was awful, but not the worst thing, right? RIGHT?! Thinking it was settled, Vikings fans found themselves both ecstatic and worried after the NFL Draft had passed. The team did draft a linebacker in the draft, two of them in fact, but neither of whom are considered Day One starters or are traditional middle linebackers. The position is still a question mark, and Vikings fans started noticing suspicious cars driving by their house at night with the lights off, assuming the worst. And they were right to do so. Tuesday it leaked out that Urlacher is allegedly down to deciding between the Denver Broncos or the Minnesota Vikings, while leaning towards signing with the Vikings. This comes days after the rookie mini camps occurred, which likely told the Vikings brass that they didn't have the immediate solution at middle linebacker they were hoping for through the draft. The rumors all of a sudden stopped being so secretive and started obviously bumping into Vikings fans. Fender benders with the rumor, being outbid on eBay by the rumor, the rumor is sleeping with Vikings fans wives now. When will it end?! There is only one thing left to do. Buy some napalm and put an end to these rumors once and for all. Perhaps Brian Urlacher does sign with the Vikings to fill that middle linebacker spot. So be it. But then Urlacher, the Vikings, and these rumors will have to watch from inside hellfire as Vikings fans reach their final straw and burn the rumors to the ground. It won't be pretty, but it will be necessary to prevent this outrage. [follow]
Ios_download En_app_rgb_wo_45

DeMarco Murray unhappy with role in Eagles' offense

George Karl apologized to DeMarcus Cousins for trade comment

Jason Whitlock, ESPN part ways again

Devonta Freeman is scoring touchdowns at a historic rate

Joe Philbin not worried about being fired

NFL deciding how to share random PSI data during season


Report: LeSean McCoy has tear in hamstring

Report: Jay Cutler expected to play hurt against Raiders

Report: Marshawn Lynch not likely to play against Lions

WATCH: Adrien Broner uses Bruce Jenner zinger after win

ESPN explains reason for Dabo Swinney interview error

Brian Kelly: Kizer made right call on 2-point play

Jay Feely shares thoughts on why NFL kickers are struggling

Female reporters blocked from entering NFL locker room

Pierre Garcon makes awesome game-winning TD catch

WATCH: Mario Williams obliterates Rashad Jennings

WATCH: Ed Dickson scores TD on crazy fumble recovery

WATCH: Nelson Agholor makes incredible one-handed catch

London PR guy has hilarious reaction to angry Suh

Former LSU staffer had championship rings stolen from home

Giants LB Devon Kennard makes incredible interception

Andrew Bogut lost 22 pounds thanks to sugar documentary

Ohio State fans rip Cardale Jones on Twitter despite victory

LeBron has message for Tristan Thompson on Instagram

Rangers fire social media staffer over Charlie Strong tweet

NFL News
Delivered to your inbox
You'll also receive Yardbarker's daily Top 10, featuring the best sports stories from around the web. Customize your newsletter to get articles on your favorite sports and teams. And the best part? It's free!

By clicking "Sign Me Up", you have read and agreed to the Fox Sports Digital Privacy Policy and Terms of Use. You can opt out at any time. For more information, please see our Privacy Policy.
Get it now!
Ios_download En_app_rgb_wo_45

Philbin not worried about job status

London PR guy trolls Suh

10 takeaways from Week 5 of the college football season

Rick Pitino and the shadows that never leave

Chad Johnson ... Steelers kicker?

Flacco deserves more from the Ravens

Time for Neymar's Barcelona

Seth Rollins, WWE depth, Divas and winning

Madison Keys and the future of women’s tennis

Most underrated games in NFL Week 4

Today's Best Stuff
For Publishers
Company Info
Follow Yardbarker