Found December 09, 2011 on It's Always Sunny in Detroit:
PLAYERS: Jared Allen
TEAMS: Minnesota Vikings
The Lions are looking to get back to their winning ways this Sunday as they host the 2-10 Minnesota Vikings. Vikings defensive end Jared Allen was previewing the game with KFAN-AM in Minneapolis when he expressed his disdain for the city of Detroit.
"I don't like going to Detroit. I'll be honest, it's gloomy, it sucks. Everything is brown and then there is snow on the ground. There's like Brownstones everywhere and I'm like, 'Awesome.' I don't know, I couldn't do it. If I had to live in Detroit, I think I'd just drown myself in the river that was across the way."
You're complaining of snow when you make your in-season home in Minneapolis? Come on now. Brownstones everywhere? This isn't Boston or Chicago. In fact I only know of one strip of said brownstones in downtown. If you lived here you'd throw yourself into the river that was across the way? I'm assuming you're talking about the Detroit River that separates Detroit from Windsor, Ontario Canada. Newsflash: the river is still there fool. It's not going anywhere.

And if bashing Detroit wasn't enough, Allen felt the need to dump on the city of New Orleans too.
"New Orleans looks like I'm driving through a third-world country every time I get off the plane, I'm like, 'Oh, flak jacket.' I'm trying to get down. I'm like, 'Ah, crap, I can't carry my gun here. This sucks.'"
This screams of MENSA-like intelligence. What are the odds that Allen has ever been to Somalia, Ethiopia or Yemen? Highly doubtful.

Spoken like a true winner, Allen said that the current Vikings' motivation is "not to be the worst team in Vikings history." Atta boy Jared, keep drinking that purple Kool Aid...and don't use it as a mixer this time. You wouldn't want to pick up your fourth DUI, would you?


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