Originally written on Purple Jesus Diaries  |  Last updated 11/10/14
We're getting closer and closer to the opening week of the season when the Minnesota Vikings go on the road to face the Detroit Lions and we'll actually find out just how good (or likely awful) Christian Ponder REALLY is. Until then though, it is VERY important for this website to do our due diligence leading up to that game, and scouting the opponent. I mean, we can't go into the game BLIND, not knowing what offense the Lions will run, what new rookies the defense will have to look out for, and how exactly they run their defensive schemes. Also, most importantly, we'll need to study this video of Lions' quarterback Matthew Stafford's girlfriend, Kelly Hall, dancing a sultry cha cha routine at a recent Detroit charity event. We'll study it SUPER HARD. As you can see from the video above, Kelly Hall sure has some legs. Legs for days. Legs on legs, as the kids say. And they appear to be used for many things in the field of play, including turning, standing, and otherwise moving. These are important details, details we need to be aware of when the Vikings play the Lions. Also, notice the Hawaiian blue color scheme of her sequenced dress. Notice that this is THE SAME color of the Lions home uniforms, the same uniforms they will be wearing when the Vikings go to play the Lions the first game of the season. It is therefore important for us to all take a nice break, and give Kelly Hall here a nice, long, intense look as she dances in said-short blue dress, so that this color is burned into our retinas, and we know that our opponents are wearing it. Truthfully, this is probably most important for Christian Ponder, so he knows who NOT to throw passes to, attempting to try and avoid some back breaking interceptions. We'll see if that works. I should also point out that - I think, maybe, but it's really the last thing I was looking at - we may have caught a glimpse of quarterback Matthew Stafford at the very beginning of this video. It may have been him. It may have been a scarecrow. A scarecrow stuffed with Ikea pillows. I'm not entirely sure, and I don't know if it actually matters, but wanted to point that out anyway since that's what makes this all football related. Does it look like he's put on a few pounds? Probably. Anyway, enjoy. Kelly Hall didn't win this competition for a charity event for an autism foundation, as somehow Ramon Santiago won it. Honestly, I'm just surprised that government and nonprofit organizations in Detroit weren't throwing this event together themselves in an effort to try and get money for the city itself. I guess that might be restraint? Or just bad planning. I totally would have gone that route instead of bankruptcy. Ces la vie. [follow]

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