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The NFL playoff race kicks into high gear
Quarterback Tom Brady has steered the New England Patriots to the top of the AFC yet again. Al Bello/Getty Images

The NFL playoff race kicks into high gear

It’s that time of year again — the time of year where editors email their writers and ask for a prediction piece for what the NFL playoffs might look like in five short weeks.

These pieces are always tough to write but not because predicting who will make the playoffs is difficult. At this point of the season, we know who everybody is, we know what their strengths and weaknesses are, and we can reasonably predict who will end up in the playoffs and who will be sitting on the shoulder of the NFL highway watching the other teams drive by while their hopes and dreams are put on hold for another year. The reason these pieces are hard to produce is because they are reminder that the NFL season is just about over, and we're not ready for the fun to end just yet (unless you’re a Browns, Niners or Bears fan, in which case your season has been over since Week 3 or so).

Without further ado, I give you the official Jamie Neal Yardbarker predictions for the 2016 NFL playoffs.

AFC Playoff Contenders

New England: The Patriots are going to be able to use the carpool lane to get to the playoffs without much of a battle in the AFC East. This team is the epitome of striving for perfection; just listen to the answers Bill Belichick gives during his press conferences when talking about the way the Patriots prepare and what they want to be known for from an identity perspective.

Well, it's hard to win in this league. I don't agree with the way you look at it. It's hard to answer. Whatever situation we have we compete in. We compete the best we can for 60 minutes every game. Some situations, I mean, we obviously have some control over all of it but whatever it is, it is. We try to do the best that we can with it.

They are 9-2 and Belichick isn’t satisfied with that. His team strives to get better every week, the Pats are phenomenal at running whatever plays need to be ran in order to beat the opposing team and Belichick is the best coach in terms of putting his team in a position to win week in and week out.  

Pittsburgh: The Steelers are going to have a bit of a fight on their hands with the Ravens, but I like their team a little bit better than I do Baltimore. They’ll definitely have to stop for gas, let the kids use the bathroom, and have one annoying passenger asking, “Are we there yet?” every 10 minutes, but I think they squeeze into the playoffs as the AFC North winner.

Tennessee: Nobody seems to want to win the AFC South, but Marcus Mariota is playing the best out of any of those scrub quarterbacks the past few weeks. I don’t really like Tennessee to make it past the divisional round of the playoffs with that broken-down Ford F-150 it calls a team, but the Titans will slug their way into the playoffs and putter around for a quarter or so before someone calls Pick-n-Pull and disassembles the team for parts and money.

Oakland: The Raiders are hot on the tail of the Patriots, just cruising down the 101 with the top down, wind blowing in their hair ruling the AFC West. They may not have the best defense in the league, but they are more than capable of putting up points in bunches. Their old convertible may stall from time to time, but they’ve only scored less than 28 points twice this season. They’ll be just fine until they have to play someone with more experience and a legit defense.

Kansas City: Did you watch Sunday Night Football? This team is outstanding and playing at a high level. The Chiefs are going to hit some traffic — especially if they have to go to Heinz Field and play Big Ben and the rest of that goon squad in Pittsburgh — but they have Alex Smith driving a Volvo, so they’ll arrive there safely. If that game plays out the way it seems it will, the team with last possession will likely end up winning, especially if Cairo Santos brings his lucky rabbit's foot and plays Plinko with the uprights again.

Denver: Regardless of what you think of Gary Kubiak’s decision to go for it, the Broncos were in that game till the bitter end and played one hell of a second half. If this team can string together two full halves of football on the offensive side of the ball, it’ll be scary. Unfortunately for Denver, Trevor Siemian isn’t allowed on the highway yet, and it’s a long road to the playoffs taking surface streets. He’s going get there, but he has to stop and drop off his mom’s minivan at the shop before he picks up his dad’s midlife crisis decision of a Camaro and unleashes it in the last couple weeks to squeak into the playoff picture.

Riding down the street on a Big Wheel: The Dolphins, Texans, Colts and Ravens all have slight chances at the playoffs, but there is a lot of work to be done given their schedules, rosters, coaching and health in order for them to make it to the promised land. They’re the friend you have who doesn’t want to take his car on the road trip because he's “not sure if it’ll make the trip.”  

NFC Playoff Contenders

Dallas: Even without Tony Romo, losing Dez Bryant for a spell, having a rookie quarterback and a rookie running back, this team is singing its own rendition of Rascal Flatt’s “Life Is a Highway” and driving in the fast lane without a care in the world. Dak Prescott is making great decisions, not turning the ball over and allowing the defense to stay off the field with efficient drives that lead to points.

Since their Week 1 loss to the New York Giants (by one point), the Cowboys have rattled off 10 straight wins, have multiple players vying for Rookie of the Year consideration and might have a couple players with their sights set on MVP honors. Jason Garrett is in the driver’s seat, and the next stop is a first-round bye while working on his speech for the Coach of the Year award.

Detroit: Yeah, I had to look at this three or four times just to make sure I wasn’t crazy, but the Lions have won three straight with two of those three coming against their NFC North division rivals, the Minnesota Vikings. The Lions are coasting to a playoff berth and seeking to win their first playoff game since 1991. Offensive coordinator Jim Bob Cooter is doing just enough with this offense to keep it in every game, and the Lions' defense is allowing just over 21 points a game. If the defense can keep that up and Matt Stafford can avoid untimely turnovers, this team might be in line for a home game and could be cruising to a first-round bye.

Atlanta: The 7-4 Falcons have games against the Saints, Rams and Niners on their remaining schedule and could easily finish the year with at least 10 or 11 wins. Those three games should all be Ws on the schedule, and while the Bucs may give them some trouble, the Falcons' offense looks like it has finally rounded into form and can make any defense look silly. Atlanta is on its way to picking up the kid at day care and about to get back on the highway to chill in the carpool lane all the way to the playoffs, as the Falcons should make their first postseason appearance since they blew that 17-0 lead against the Niners in the 2012 NFC Championship.

Seattle: The Seahawks looked like they were starting to find their stride, and then they put up five points against the Buccaneers. For just one moment, I thought the Mariners were playing the Rays.

Seattle is going to win the NFC West because the division has decided to play like the Pac-12 and not an actual division in the NFL, but Seattle should be as proud of that division champion banner as it is the one Seattle won in 2010 when it had a 7-9 record. (Seahawks fans, don’t @ me about the win against the Saints. It was seven years ago, it was an amazing story but it doesn’t matter anymore.)

The Seahawks made a copy of the key to their grandma’s station wagon when they went and got her milk and cigarettes at the corner market one day and are stuck in the slow lane, sitting on a phone book, and shaking their fists at every team as they pass by with their loud music and fast cars.

New York: Washington was a great story but has a daunting schedule coming up and not enough talent on the field to take the team back to the playoffs. The Giants are going to sneak in on their cousin’s Vespa, but it won’t be by much. New York has an absurd schedule, but it has the talent and experience to win a couple of close games and make it into the playoffs again. The Giants won’t go very far, as Vespa’s don’t hold a lot of gas, but they’ll give fans something to cheer about for a week.

Minnesota: The Vikings seem to be snakebitten, but that’s what happens when you ride a Razr scooter in flip flops. Losing Adrian Peterson and Teddy Bridgewater was bad enough, not to mention all the other dings that happen throughout the season, but then the Vikings also lost Norv Turner in the middle of the season. Fast-forward to Thanksgiving where Sam Bradford tried one too many three-yard passes, Darius Slay picked him off and Jason Hanson kicked the game-winning field goal. It doesn’t get much lower than that — unless you remember that the Lions beat the Vikings a couple of weeks prior to Thanksgiving too.

Mike Zimmer and company don’t have much to be thankful for from an NFL perspective right now. That said, this team has some veterans on it and can figure out how to win a few to slip in as the last wild card team. The Vikings are going be that kid sitting on the curb, eating his ice cream cone with his brand-new scooter next to him, oblivious to the puddle right in front of him until the Falcons run by and drench the Vikings in muddy water, leaving them to decide whether they’re going to scooter themselves back home with some pride or finish their dirty, disgusting, sad excuse for an ice cream cone in tears.

Rollerblading their way through the season: Washington, Tampa Bay, New Orleans and Philadelphia are all mediocre teams with some decent wins and some tragic losses. Unfortunately, they will likely miss the playoffs, but at least they’ll have some decent picks in the draft to screw up and continue to suffer in ineptitude for another season. If you’re a fan of one of these teams, put a smile on your face, at least you’re not a fan of the Niners or Browns with their drafting, coaching and roster woes. Those teams will be bad for the better part of the rest of this decade regardless of what they do.

Can you name every NFL quarterback to have taken multiple teams to Conference Championship Games?
SCORE:
0/12
TIME:
3:00
4-3 SF, KC 1981-1993
Joe Montana
2-3 GB, MIN 1995-2009
Brett Favre
4-1 IND, DEN 2003-2015
Peyton Manning
1-3 CLE, DAL 1986-1993
Bernie Kosar
3-0 STL, ARI 1999-2008
Kurt Warner
2-0 SF, NYG 1984-1990
Matt Cavanaugh
1-1 CAR, NYG 1996-2000
Kerry Collins
1-1 RAM, PHI 1975-1980
Ron Jaworski
0-2 SEA, KC 1983-1993
Dave Krieg
2-0 DAL, DEN 1970-1977
Craig Morton
0-2 WAS, RAI 1986-1990
Jay Schroeder
1-1 TB, WAS 1979-1987
Doug Williams

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