Check out this weeks NFL picks by our sports comedic guru, “Jones.” Next week I’m going to demand I get an opening paragraph before he goes into the games! Jones as we call him, will give us a run-down from his last weeks bets next week as well! We hope to have it back on our main site Sports-Kings to go along with our weekly podcast.
Oakland @ Broncos -7
The Raiders have no pass defense, they have no interceptions on the year and have only three sacks. Since the replacement refs are gone it might take a strong effort for Peyton Manning to complete a pass to the wrong team this week. Watching the intro to the Monday Night game where the Broncos played the Falcons, Gruden said about four times, Matt Ryan looks like a young Peyton Manning. After three picks in the first quarter I joked to my roommate, “Peyton Manning looks like a young Matt Ryan.” That being said, the only win for both these teams was against a not-so-good Steelers team. It’s in Denver and seven points is a lot to give up, but I’d go with the Broncos.
Jones Pick: Broncos -7.
49ers @ Jets +4.5
When it comes to home dogs, always take the points. There’s no real justification for this except just going with the odds that home dogs cover most of the time. I know the Jets best quarterback, Darrelle Revis is out for the year, but they were going to start Mark Sanchez anyway. A lot of people are saying this is a rebound game for the 49ers and they are going to be fired up to prove that last weeks loss was a fluke. But Jim Harbaugh made them practice in Ohio for the week. I think they will lose just to prove a point. Make us live in Ohio, even for a week and we will make you look bad.
Jones Pick: Jets +4.5
Patriots @ Buffalo +4
The Bills are a home dog! Plus, they’re riding a two game winning streak and the Patriots are on a two game losing streak with back to back games on the road. I’m sure Coach Chan Gailey will be riding the arm of Fitzpatrick this week. I can’t even say with a straight face that the Bills are still being coached by Chan Gailey, and that their quarterback is still Fitzpatrick. I don’t care if they are playing at Ralph Wilson stadium and you are getting points, until they rename the stadium Ralph Wilson Memorial Stadium or Ralph Wilson usta Own This stadium the Bills will be mediocre. INVEST IN A COACH. If you want a good laugh, Google Aaron Rodgers contract and then Ryan Fitzpatrick’s. The Bills beat KC and Cleveland, they won’t beat the Pats. The good news is the Sabre’s season is right around the corner. What there’s a lockout? Well you’re screwed, hey, at least you have Applebee’s. On a side note, Brian Moorman should have his number retired considering he was the best player on the Bills’ team for a solid 8 years. Do the right thing Ralph sell the team to someone who cares.
Jones Pick: Pats -4
Saints @ Packers -7.5
The replacement refs were so bad they called defensive pass interference on the offense. But luckily the Packers might not have to play against two opponents this week and are at home playing a Saints team with literally no defense. It’s hard to take a Packers team that has been struggling on offense giving 7.5 points, but the Saints have literally no defense and they are on the road.
Jones Pick: Packers -7.5
Titans @ Texans -12
Once again giving up 12 points is hard to do. The Texans almost have to play perfect to cover. But they are facing the Titans who have the worst defense in the league, giving up 150 rushing yards a game and 38 points a game. Plus, they are on the road. The Texans also have a stout defense to boot. So they should be able to hold the ball for three-fourths of the game. Plus when I was a kid, my dad always said,”never bet on a road team coached by a man with the last name of Munchak.” For years I thought he was crazy but who’s the joke on now? This one’s for you dad.
Jones Pick: Texans -12
Panthers @ Falcons -7
My sources tell me that Cam Newton hired Tony Robbins to help him with his confidence and achieve his goals. I have read Robbins’ Awaken the Giant Within and there is no chapter on how to not turn the ball over.
Jones Pick: Falcons -7
Dolphins @ Cardinals -5.5
Upset alert. I don’t really believe that, but I’ve watched enough ESPN to know that I can just say a bunch of dumb stuff and no one will remember. I don’t think anyone is actually reading this, so nobody will remember me saying the Cards will win. If they do pull the upset I’ll just pull a Jason Whitney and change the subject to something I was right about.
Jones Pick: Dolphins +5.5
Bengals @ Jags -1
I’m taking the Bengals +1 I don’t think anyone is still reading so I’m just ending it at all the games I didn’t get to we’ll just assume I picked correctly.
We’re sorry. Our main man Jones, decided he had to get his ass to the soup kitchens and serve is due diligence.
Check out the podcast on the Sports-Kings Like page this Monday
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