WHAT THE **** IS UP **************! That’s right! You know it was a good weekend when the hype man comes out with the cap locks blazing in a curse laden misspelled for affect salutations! It’s your boy Coley Michalik AKA the Aaron Hernandez of TSHQ. No assholes it doesn’t mean that short ******* Bryan Doherty took me out from behind. It means I do everything around here. I’m the human swiss army knife. Basketball, baseball, football, hell, I even wrote a hockey article the other day. You know who writes hockey articles? NO ONE! CAUSE IT’S NOT EVEN A SPORT ANYMORE! But if it was, you bet your ass we’d be making money off of it. That’s what we do. We judge talent across the board and then rake in cash because of it. Any sport. Any time. Anywhere. Any amount. It’s a gift really. But we’re not selfish over here at the Sexy Six. Think about it. Why else would we do what we do? To keep track of our winnings? That’s what our Scrooge McDuck-esque swimming pools filled with green backs are for. We’re here to provide a service to you guys. Sure, we may bust your balls but it’s because you don’t fully trust us for some reason. We’ve never led you astray. Let us help you. Don’t fight it. I know, I know. It seems too good to be true. But it’s time to face facts. We give you six games a week, pick the hell out of them, and then tell you how well we did before we do it again. It’s only a vicious cycle if you’re not listening to us. So without further ado, I proudly present the best in the business K.M. Venne and Bryan Doherty with Week 4s picks. I hope for your sake you open your eyes and pay attention.
(Bryan’s Editorial Note: While I am far from concerned about my abilities to rebound I refuse to link myself with K.M Venne at this moment while my picks against the spread follow the same curve path as my GPA. )
Past Week’s Performance:
BYU at Boise St (-7.5)
Bryan: I really don’t have a lot of good things to say about BYU right now. In part I want to blame myself for being 2-10 over the last two weeks but that just wouldn’t be in my nature. How big of a choker can one kicker be? Boise St. has had a couple weeks to prepare for this game. Can BYU stay within a score? Heck, I think they can win. We all know I’m anti-Boise St. The second they lost to Michigan State they should have been deemed irrelevant to the BCS discussion. I’ll take the Cougs to end their BCS talk once and for all. If not, I’ll pray like hell for Southern Miss or Nevada.
Prediction: BYU 21 Boise St. 20 (1 unit/single play)
K.M: I am very excited to have this game on the Sexy Six, because the ******** bar I work at doesn’t get the NFLN, so I will be glued to this game. Thought you needed to know that. My stories >>>>> your stories.
I have big money on Boise not making the BCS. Actually, it’s not big money. It’s $50. Maybe that’s big money to you, I don’t know. But I’m 12-6 and +$390 this season. Hell, I would drop $50 at the bar every night if I didn’t get hooked up for being a suave ************* charmer who all the bartenders lust over and get my bar tap discounted like I’m royalty. So to me, that money ain’t ****. Also not ****? BYU. They going to recover off that epic, demoralizing Holy War loss and go win at the Smurf Turf? I wish they would for my stupid $50, but I doubt it. I got Boise with little issue in this one, and I really wouldn’t mind being wrong, I don’t like Boise much as a program. But 12-6 on the season indicates I’m probably right. Sucks for me.
Prediction: Boise 31, BYU 17 (1 unit/single play)
Clemson at Florida State (-14)
K.M: ‘Noles in a rout. I’d lay more then one unit, but this is my damn national championship game loser here in what is probably going to be their hardest game of the year, I got enough pride on the line, more money isn’t going to make much a difference to me. Plus, I got better spots to throw my big plays on this week against teams that have more proven resumes to this point. But yea, ‘Noles in a rout.
Prediction: Florida State 48 Clemson 20 (1 unit/single play)
Bryan: We’ve been giving this away for weeks which means if K.M goes Boise St. I could be like $800 behind him after these two games if I’m wrong. I’m going to be 100% straight with you America because I never lie to you. I’m brutally honest all the time on this site. I don’t think we’re going to win. I’m scared. When I go to sleep at night I see the FSU Indian spearing Eight Ball through the chest. BUT my prediction in the preseason and the only prediction that matters (because nobody is injured for Clemson) is Clemson winning. Doesn’t matter if we lose by 50. I can’t say “I told you I felt concerned.” All my bragging rights ride on Clemson winning this game. Run defense better bring their A game because I don’t think we’re scoring 35 points again.Still I like 14 points. If our offense shows up at all we should cover that in victory or defeat.
Prediction: Clemson 27 Florida State 24 (1 unit/single play)
Win or lose, 8 Ball is getting ripped Saturday night
Arizona at Oregon (-23.5)
Bryan: Nearly 24 points is a lot to lay to a team that’s been scoring like 55 a week. Listen I don’t have to spend words explaining Oregon. Anyone who has read basically ANYTHING I’ve written since January involving the PAC-12 knows I’m really high on the Ducks. I know Oregon will score on Arizona. At home I’m not worried about a loss, but again…24 points. Can they cover 24 points vs a team who has been scoring like Arizona? Is Arizona for real? Their two non-FCS opponents stayed within 24 points of them. I’ll take the points and worst case look for a backdoor cover.
Prediction: Oregon 48 Arizona 31 (1 unit/single play)
K.M: I just HATE this line. It’s such a good line. Vegas is no joke. You think it’s been easy for me to produce two straight winning years doing this? You think I just spend 10 minutes thinking about these 6 games then start swearing and making picks? No chance. It takes work to beat Vegas. It takes study. Dedication. And genius. I have a SLIGHT lean to the Wildcats, but this is one of those picks where if you lose it, you look like a complete idiot. Thankfully for you all, I have NO fear of that. I’m so proven at this point you might as well give me the nickname gravity. That line sucked ass. Take Arizona and shut the **** up.
Prediction: Oregon 50, Arizona 30 (1 unit/single play)
Hot Hook-Up: Wildcats and the truckload of points
Arizona student body in a nutshell
Missouri at South Carolina (-10)
K.M: As the only person who writes for TSHQ who graduated from an actual academically-focused university and not some ****** trade school like Arizona State (clearly Virginia Tech is an academic school, they lost to Pitt in football after all LOLOLOLOLOLOL), I’m so happy that summer vacation is finally over and so many of you jerks that read this or write on TSHQ or follow my username @rawkurface on twitter are going back to school. If any of you ever hope to be as awesome as I am, you’ll need all the education you can get. As the intellectual savior of TSHQ, it’s my part of my duties on this site to better prepare you all for your scholastic endeavors, because nobody else seems capable of doing so. Mr. Michalik, McDuck-esque is not a word. To help your studies, I have prepared a list of vocabulary words to aid you in this upcoming academic year. Word number 1: Temerity. I’ll use it in a sentence. How dare any of you have the temerity to question any game I pick? Word number 2: Ignoramus. TSHQ is run by an ignoramus. Word number 3: miscreant. You are all miscreants. Also, as part of my free lessons, lay the wood with South Carolina, because they are good.
Prediction: South Carolina 27, Mizzou 14 (1 unit/single play)
Bryan: I got the Gamecocks winning, no question about that. James Franklin is pissing me off though. Single-handedly cost me a game last week by sitting out. Had no idea he was even missing the game. If he doesn’t play I got South Carolina covering easily. If he does though I think Mizzou can stay within double-digits. It would be nice while I’m 500 dollars+ in the hole if I knew who the hell was playing and who wasn’t. Here’s the deal, I’m not even sure this is legal, but this is a faux gambling segment so I’m making up my own rules. IF JAMES FRANKLIN PLAYS I have Mizzou. If he sits I have South Carolina. There you have it. You know my prediction ahead of time. No waiting to see how the game plays out or anything. If he starts the game, I’m talking is announced as the game starter, I have Mizzou. If not the Gamecocks. Once I know I’ll come back here and clean this up so there’s no confusion. Though it shouldn’t be confusing.
Prediction:(Franklin Plays) South Carolina 24 Mizzou 20 (1 unit/single play)
(Franklin Sits) South Carolina 24 Mizzou 13 (2 units/DOUBLE PLAY)
Hot-Hook up: Maybe South Carolina…..
Michigan at Notre Dame (-6)
Bryan: We all know I’m all-in against Michigan. I’ve got them losing 3+ games this year. Frankly they haven’t impressed me much at all. Could have loss to Air Force then blew out Coley’s special needs university team. I’m not sure what to make of Notre Dame. On one hand I feel like last Saturday was as much Michigan State’s utter disaster of a passing game while I still want to give the Irish credit. At home, coming off a big win, if the Irish can’t cover a TD at home here I may never bet on them again. Make Denard Robinson throw, he’s trash.
Prediction: Notre Dame 35 Michigan 27 (1 unit/single play)
K.M: Irish in a rout. I hate the Irish. If I’m saying this, it has to be true.
Prediction: Notre Dame 34, Michigan 13 (2 units/DOUBLE PLAY)
Hot Hook-Up: Drunken Scrappy Micks laying the points
Clearly if K.M. is on the Irish, the ants are taking over
Kansas St. at Oklahoma (-14)
K.M: EVERYBODY knows I ******* hate Oklahoma. But they are going to ***** slap Kansas State. I feel it in my ************* bones. And God save ******* Oklahoma if they don’t. I will rant in the SSR next week so ******* blue it will get your ass ************* fired. Seriously, do NOT read the SSR next week if Oklahoma doesn’t cover this game and
Prediction: Oklahoma 51, Kansas State 13 (3 units/TRIPLE PLAY)
Bryan: Here’s the deal Oklahoma. I vowed last week after my pathetic week two to not go crazy with the units unless I felt really good about a game. This shouldn’t be a tough cover for you. You’re better than Kansas St. You know this. You showed this when you tore them apart in their own building last year. Kansas St. is scrappy and finds ways to hang around but they don’t have your talent. I’ll say this now: IF YOU DO NOT COVER…LOSE THE GAME. DO NOT WIN BY 14 OR LESS. A win by 14 or less might make me be even harsher to you than if you lose. Kansas St. should not be able to stop your passing attack. I expect to not even have to sweat this one in the 4th quarter.But in case I do, I’m sticking with one unit.
Prediction: Oklahoma 45 Kansas St. 21 (1 unit/single play)
These kids won’t live to see Monday
Hot-Hook Up: Boomer Sooner laying their reputation, their chance to get mentioned on TSHQ in the near future, and oh yes, laying the points
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