Originally posted on Football Nation  |  Last updated 9/24/12

I must admit my views are a bit slanted when it comes to being objective about the Dallas Cowboys. Are you kidding me? America's Team, Jerry World? And let us not forget the newest product to sweep the nation - "Jerry Wipes". However long my tenure at being a loyal and devout follower of said "Holier Than Thou" football team; I can say the glow has started to dim just a little.

It wasn't last week's whooping at Seattle or even last year's fiasco with Arizona or Philly, or even the heart breaker with the Giants. No sir, this rust has been forming for about 10-15 years, pretty much after Barry Switzer took the team to the promised land for one last hurrah.

However, I'm not going to lambaste the team for poor performances over the last decade, I am simply going to list the "Top Five Takeaways" from the game versus Tampa.

Oh yeah, and I could go with the obvious things like 23+ combined penalties, poor coaching decisions and other rudimentary things like basic blocking skills or picking up the blitz, and not throwing into double team coverage; yet alone dropping passes (albeit acrobatically Jason Witten!). And don't even get me started on the referees, just flag me now!

No, my friends, we are going to take a humorist view at why both teams stink and see if we can have some fun while we watch our teams (be it Tampa or Dallas) play another season of mediocrity and allow the owners to sell us this crap sandwich as roast beef and charge us double. Let's see if we can spin this around some what......

1. LeGarrette Blount Can Leap - Jeez, where did that guy learn to leap like that. If I was him, I would make this my main style of running and call myself an "Olympic Hurdle Running Back". If I was Tampa Bay head coach Greg Schiano, I would call for that type of play at least 5-10 times per game. If I was Malcom Glazer (owner of Buccaneers), I would be one the cellphone texting Coach Schiano and insisting they incorporate this style into the offense as it would clearly sell more tickets. They could run side bets on how many "Leaping LeGarrette's" we might see in a game; with the over under at 5! If I was LG, I would be trying out for the Summer Olympics in 2016.

2. Dez Bryant Be a Diva - Face it, this dude is tripping. He can't keep his pants up in public, he doesn't pay his jeweler on time and he slaps a momma ho round a little bit when she keeps asking for more money. But today, he was viewed having a little hissy fit with wide receivers coach Jimmy Robinson on the sideline.

Seems that Dezalina doesn't like "press coverage". You know......the type of coverage where the corner back is in your face all day long. When the camera came over, the two settled down but you could clearly see that Dez was upset that Tampa was getting in his business. He later returned a punt that helped with momentum and then wound up having a decent day receiving with 6 catches for 62 yards. Meh.....but boy that punt return sure was timely.

3. Throw His Hat in The Ring - Okay, I couldn't let this one slip by (pun intended). Seriously, what was the back judge doing throwing his hat onto the field of play (end-zone) and thus causing Kevin Ogletree (wide receiver Dallas Cowboys) to slip on the hat and possibly get hurt. If that had taken place, I could see Jerry Jones asking his son-in-law for a cell phone so he could ringy dingy his buddy Roger Goodell (Commissioner of NFL) and fire that ref and settle the current entire NFL contract dispute; all because of a hat throwing incident. To the point.....why did he throw that hat?

4. Son-of-a-B*tch That Hurt - How about the helmet to helmet hit on quaterback Tony Romo. I swear I thought he was dead. I had already sent a text to Pastor TD Jakes asking for resurrection healing power as I just knew Tony was a goner. It seems so strange that he has broken fingers, collar bones and other major medical issues on lesser hits but he actually was dragged up by Dallas offensive linemen Doug Free, dusted off and directed towards the sideline.

5. Tampa Head Coach Greg Schiano - That dude is a jerk. Period. Love him or hate him, he is pure 100% dyed in the wool JERK! We shall see if that style works.

There you have my peeps and that is my Top 5 Takeaways on the Buc vs. Cowboys game.

Peace Out,


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