Originally written on Purple Jesus Diaries  |  Last updated 11/19/14


This is Toby Gerhart. He is a running back for the Minnesota Vikings. Wears number 32. He's white, kind of has a fetus head, but it's only because he needs it after he went to Stanford and got all genius like with big words, math problems, and Socrates ****.

With his is what appears to be a personalized motorcycle bike object. Full disclosure: I know as much about bicycles as I know where the female clitoris is, but from what I can deduce, this bike appears to be a nightmare personified. Unless it belongs to Diggz Garza, then this **** is legit.

Either way, I have no idea why Toby Gerhart is standing next to this bike. I don't know if he owns it, offered to take a pic next to it for a fan because he's a super, duper, guy, or if this is photoshopped. I wish it was, but it's Toby, so ...... Chances are it's for charity of some sort, but that's not a very good story. So instead, we came up with some other ideas of what this bike could be for after the jump:
  • Gerhart has actually taken on a new role with the team and is replacing Ragnar as the team mascot with "Muscly White Guy in Black V-Neck T-Shirt." I think it's going to go over much better.
  • He is participating in the annual Ride for Life Event the Vikings put on, where they go on motorcycle rides across the state to raise money for sick people, or something. It's probably an actual worthy cause. Gerhart thought they would be riding tricycles though, which is why he looks a little hesitant in the photo.
  • Toby has signed an exclusive deal to play Johnny Blaze in the upcoming Ghost Rider 3 movie, titled "Holy ****, Look at this Bike From Hell."
  • Gerhart is looking a bit dejected because he took this picture last week right before the government nerds approved a new Vikings stadium. He just finished all the custom work on it and was preparing to ride it THROUGH the closed doors of the capitol playing a Winger song.
  • He's actually just standing behind anything he could find - which happened to be this bike - to hide the boner he got when he consequently saw it.

Maybe someone smarter than me can fill me in ... Why does the back tire have to be big enough to haul lumber across the country? And what do you grab on to, the Viking horns? Is that actually the handle bars? That's messed up. Also, is this a two seater? Because if it is, I know a couple of dudes I want to have ride on this with me as we drive around Lake Calhoun blasting Madonna and swerving in and out of traffic this summer. Hope this **** is for rent!

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1 Comment:
  • Toby could do it like college now...He could make defenses walk away like the Vikes secondary does...TACKLE!...EH!
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