Originally written on Purple Jesus Diaries  |  Last updated 11/19/14


This is Toby Gerhart. He is a running back for the Minnesota Vikings. Wears number 32. He's white, kind of has a fetus head, but it's only because he needs it after he went to Stanford and got all genius like with big words, math problems, and Socrates ****.

With his is what appears to be a personalized motorcycle bike object. Full disclosure: I know as much about bicycles as I know where the female clitoris is, but from what I can deduce, this bike appears to be a nightmare personified. Unless it belongs to Diggz Garza, then this **** is legit.

Either way, I have no idea why Toby Gerhart is standing next to this bike. I don't know if he owns it, offered to take a pic next to it for a fan because he's a super, duper, guy, or if this is photoshopped. I wish it was, but it's Toby, so ...... Chances are it's for charity of some sort, but that's not a very good story. So instead, we came up with some other ideas of what this bike could be for after the jump:
  • Gerhart has actually taken on a new role with the team and is replacing Ragnar as the team mascot with "Muscly White Guy in Black V-Neck T-Shirt." I think it's going to go over much better.
  • He is participating in the annual Ride for Life Event the Vikings put on, where they go on motorcycle rides across the state to raise money for sick people, or something. It's probably an actual worthy cause. Gerhart thought they would be riding tricycles though, which is why he looks a little hesitant in the photo.
  • Toby has signed an exclusive deal to play Johnny Blaze in the upcoming Ghost Rider 3 movie, titled "Holy ****, Look at this Bike From Hell."
  • Gerhart is looking a bit dejected because he took this picture last week right before the government nerds approved a new Vikings stadium. He just finished all the custom work on it and was preparing to ride it THROUGH the closed doors of the capitol playing a Winger song.
  • He's actually just standing behind anything he could find - which happened to be this bike - to hide the boner he got when he consequently saw it.

Maybe someone smarter than me can fill me in ... Why does the back tire have to be big enough to haul lumber across the country? And what do you grab on to, the Viking horns? Is that actually the handle bars? That's messed up. Also, is this a two seater? Because if it is, I know a couple of dudes I want to have ride on this with me as we drive around Lake Calhoun blasting Madonna and swerving in and out of traffic this summer. Hope this **** is for rent!

[follow]
1 Comment:
  • Toby could do it like college now...He could make defenses walk away like the Vikes secondary does...TACKLE!...EH!
MORE FROM YARDBARKER

Ray Rice wins appeal, can sign with any team

Athletics deal Josh Donaldson to Blue Jays for Brett Lawrie

Ohio governor decrees playoff committee honorary Ohioans

Lance Stephenson becoming a problem with the Hornets?

Tony Romo: I promise I'll be better next week

Seahawks could wait to address Russell Wilson's contract

LIKE WHAT YOU SEE?
GET THE DAILY NEWSLETTER:

Report: SMU football to hire Clemson offensive coordinator

Dez Bryant: Eagles were ‘kinda cheap’

Hockey goalie rushes into stands to perform CPR on fan

49ers CEO Jed York apologizes for unacceptable performance

Family searching for missing Ohio State football player

CM Punk opens up about leaving WWE, says he'll never return

Mavs' Aminu knocks padding off backboard with dunk

What if the Chargers refused to trade Eli Manning?

Why is there a red seat hanging in the Mall of America?

WATCH: Mickey Rourke TKO’d a man half his age in Moscow

What's next for the 49ers?

The most tone-deaf tweet ever?

Five bold predictions for Week 13 in the NFL

Brady Quinn pens 'note' to Jets quarterback Geno Smith

Bills center Eric Wood gained 7.4 pounds at Thanksgiving

Cubs reliever somehow OK after being involved in awful accident

Seahawks players throw shade at 49ers after victory

Five takeaways from NFL's Thanksgiving Day action

NFL News
Delivered to your inbox
You'll also receive Yardbarker's daily Top 10, featuring the best sports stories from around the web. Customize your newsletter to get articles on your favorite sports and teams. And the best part? It's free!

By clicking "Sign Me Up", you have read and agreed to the Fox Sports Digital Privacy Policy and Terms of Use. You can opt out at any time. For more information, please see our Privacy Policy.

What if the Chargers didn't trade Eli?

Dez Bryant: Eagles were ‘kinda cheap’

Ray Rice wins appeal, can sign with any team

What's next for the 49ers?

The most tone-deaf tweet ever?

Is Lance a problem for the Hornets?

5 NFL takeaways from Thanksgiving

WATCH: Ronda Rousey talks Eminem

CM Punk opens up about leaving WWE

Wrigley renovation may be delayed

Steelers could have been America's Team

John Beilein upset with ESPN

Today's Best Stuff
For Bloggers

Join the Yardbarker Network for more promotion, traffic, and money.

Company Info
Help
What is Yardbarker?

Yardbarker is the largest network of sports blogs and pro athlete blogs on the web. This site is the hub of the Yardbarker Network, where our editors and algorithms curate the best sports content from our network and beyond.