Found April 27, 2013 on
The Royal Half:
It's the last game of the 2013 NHL Regular Season! And Brigitte from One Girl, One Puck is back with an all-San Jose Sharks edition of her demented look at the LA Kings opponent for tonight's game... something we like to call "Know Your Opponent!" Brigitte is the 4th best blogger I know... so it's fitting that she is blogging about tonight's Battle for the 4th Seed. (Offer Not Valid with a St. Louis Blues Win). Take it away, Brigitte...
*THE FOLLOWING BELOW IS NOT WRITTEN BY THE ROYAL HALF, BUT RATHER A GUEST WRITER*
The San Jose Sharks, oh what can I say?
Should I talk about the way they play?
Why talk about that anyway,
When all they want is to read all day.
Tell us of the books you read.
"Sure" he says with buck-toothed gleed
"This is one about my team!" he said
"I read it every night in bed".
Click Here to Read the Know Your Opponent for for the Kings vs San Jose Sharks on April 27th, 2013!!!
Joe opened the book with joys and larks
Determined to tell us about the Sharks.
"Thing 1 and Thing 2 they are the same,
The ones we rely on every game.
Sadly they suck ass quite often
Which is why our offense tends to soften."
"Next there is Brent who looks quite scary
But don't worry he's just hairy.
Taken from the land of stopping pucks
Now he scores goals and gives zero *****."
"Then there's Jason he's kind of bad
But the guys call him Pop, Daddy, or Dad.
I'm not sure if it's sexual or not
But on this team he's considered hot."
"Next is the man who steers the boat
The one who keeps this team a float.
Without his crazy magic tricks
This team would just be a bunch of pricks."
"Last and certainly least there is the Grinch
The one who steals joy in a pinch.
He's an asshole and a huge dick
His personality is enough to make you sick.
Why he's on the team we do not know
Other than to replace noted asshat Ryane Clowe"
So now you've heard the story from Joe
About his team and why they blow....
But what's that book in the corner there?
The one that's hidden behind the chair?
"No!" Joe screamed with terror and fear
"Don't read that book when Mr. Brown is near!"
Mr. Brown I asked, well who is that?
"He's an evil man who makes people go splat!"
Well, I don't see him any where here
I think you can read the book without fear.
I cracked open the book to see what was the big deal
"No! Mr. Brown is a monster!" Joe said with a squeal.
"You see Mr. Brown he is so mean
He hits people hard and no way it's clean!
Good thing he's not playing tonight or I'd cry
Because Mr. Brown is too scary a guy!"
I'm so sorry Joe if Mr. Brown hit you
But all is hear is crying, A-Bloo! A-Bloo!
Maybe Mr. Brown isn't always so nice
But he can kick your team's ass on the ice!
Well this concludes our lovely story
About the Sharks and all their glory.
While Joe and the Sharks go cry en masse
The Kings will be sure to kick their sorry ass!
BEST OF MAXIM
San Jose Sharks announcer Randy Hahn received a puzzling letter in the mail from a rental car company in Edmonton. Hahn had recently rented a car from the company while the Sharks were visiting the Edmonton Oilers, but he wasn't sure why they were contacting him after his trip. As it turns out, Hahn was driving a bit too fast on Wayne Gretzky Drive in Alberta and was caught speeding...
THAT'S THE TICKET
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