Originally posted on The Royal Half  |  Last updated 4/11/12

PHILADELPHIA - JANUARY 23: Jeff Carter #17 of the Philadelphia Flyers celebrates his second period goal against the Carolina Hurricanes on January 23, 2010 at Wachovia Center in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. (Photo by Jim McIsaac/Getty Images)

Even though she's played less games than Jeff Carter, Brigitte from One Girl, One Puck has been voted best newcomer at The Royal Half... finishing a few points ahead of Dustin Penner's Sad Face. You can check out her in-depth "Know Your Opponent" series here and here. You see, Brigitte is a young woman who can't afford a therapist to work out her issues with hockey players. So instead, she tackles her deep psychological issues by taking a look at the Los Angeles Kings opponent for this 1st Round Playoff Series... the incredibly good-looking Vancouver Canucks. I like to refer to her as the Dr. Ruth of The Royal Half... but you just might think she's crazy. Either way... enjoy reading Brigitte's thoughts on the Kings taking on the Canucks starting tonight in Vancouver.

Click Here to Check Out "Know Your Opponent" for the Kings vs Canucks 1st Round Series!!!

Well it's that time of the year folks, yes it's time for me to be a complete train wreck. I've been saying for a least a month how I cannot emotionally handle a playoff series with the Canucks. Hey guess what? The Kings hate me and decided to completely collapse the last two games of the year, again! So now they get to play the two-time President's Trophy winning Canucks. Oh Joy! If you didn't catch my complete psychiatric collapse on Twitter the other night, you should... it was glorious. Here's a picture that sums it up for you.

 

If you need me I'll be here for the next two weeks.

Well I guess I need to get my drunk ass out of the gutter for a few minutes and tell you what to expect from the Canucks. I already talked about them a few weeks ago, and I'm sure it was something the male readers of this blog enjoyed. This time is different however, the Canucks are the enemy not just the opponent. I'm ready to talk **** about these guys... I hate them... it's on *******.

 

"But Brigitte that makes me sad!"
Stop it Ryan! Stop it right now! I will not be swayed by your pouting. Go to hell!

 

Ugggg.....why???? Stop being sad, I can't handle it! I'm Sorry!!!!! We can't be friends Chris.

 

"WHY? I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME!"
I do David, I do, but please not now. Don't make me feel worse than I already do.

 

"Oh come on now, you can't resist us. Don't deny your feelings."
NO! DIE IN A FIRE!!!

  

"Look at me! You know you love this face."
GO AWAY!!!!! STOP IT!!!!!

  

"Haha she thinks she can resist us. Yea right just wait until we bring out the secret weapon."
Secret Weapon?? What??

 

NOOOOOO NOT THE ABS!!!!

 

Mother of God! Why? Must resist....must not give into urges. 

Who is this perfect? No you flawless Swede leave me alone!

 

"Haha we'll get you. It will happen."
You are all evil!

No I will not give in! Stop it! I am an adult, I can resist! I will make my decisions with my head and my heart, not with my pants!

  

No, you're not number one. You suck!

 

Hahaha you suck! You can't even score on the Ducks? You're pathetic!

Cody Hodgson was better than you. Plus, he was waaay sexier!

Yep that's right I'm putting you in the trash. You're dead to me.

"What? You can't leave us!"
Well I just did. Deal with it.

"Are you sure?"
OH GOD NOT THE GLASSES!!!!!!

No Tanev! Put your shirt on. OH NO.

OK you're right I can't hate you. Oh your face, oh your hair, OMG!!!

"Haha gotcha! I knew you were too weak."

Yes I am too weak. I'm a sad pathetic excuse of a person. It still doesn't mean I'm rooting for you. I hope the Kings destroy you! I hope they kill you! I hope they make you cry! GO KINGS GO! But you're still sexy Canucks, and yes I will still have sex with you if you want.  If anyone needs me I'll be in the psychiatric ward staring at a wall.

I'll see you there Cory.

GET THE YARDBARKER APP:
Ios_download En_app_rgb_wo_45
MORE FROM YARDBARKER

Derrick Rose hangs out with Bulls owner at playoff game

WATCH: Robin Lopez unties, then reties Jae Crowder’s shoe in strange sequence

Tyronn Lue drops hilarious quote about LeBron James’ first-round success

Clarke MacArthur scores Senators’ series-winning goal after miraculous return to ice

Adam Schefter reminds everyone Jimmy Garoppolo is not getting traded

LIKE WHAT YOU SEE?
GET THE DAILY NEWSLETTER:

Russell Westbrook confronts reporter for question about Thunder bench

WATCH: Rockets bench laughs as Andre Roberson misses free throw

Steve Kerr does not rule out missing remainder of playoffs

Paul George won't commit to Pacers following sweep

Report: Thunder fan Beverley squabbled with is owner's son

NFL Draft prospect charged with knocking woman out

The 'It's not good to play the King' quiz

Best of Yardbarker: David Fizdale and the Grizzlies won't go down quietly

Three Up, Three Down: Home run hitters are heating up

The 'Even the Browns can't mess this one up' quiz

25 times Mother Nature disrupted sports

In some ways, Dan Rooney was just another NFL owner

Box Score 4/20: When Westbrook isn't enough

The 10 best sports docs available for streaming

The '♫Happy Birthday Simpsons. Simpsons, it's your birthday♫' quiz

White House championship visits over the years

Biggest needs in the draft for every NFL team

The 'Baseball has been very, very good to its players' quiz

NHL News
Delivered to your inbox
You'll also receive Yardbarker's daily Top 10, featuring the best sports stories from around the web. Customize your newsletter to get articles on your favorite sports and teams. And the best part? It's free!

By clicking "Sign Me Up", you have read and agreed to the Fox Sports Digital Privacy Policy and Terms of Use. You can opt out at any time. For more information, please see our Privacy Policy.
the YARDBARKER app
Get it now!
Ios_download En_app_rgb_wo_45

The 'It's not good to play the King' quiz

Three Up, Three Down: Home run hitters are heating up

The 'Even the Browns can't mess this one up' quiz

In some ways, Dan Rooney was just another NFL owner

The 10 best sports docs available for streaming

The '♫Happy Birthday Simpsons. Simpsons, it's your birthday♫' quiz

NBA Referee Hotline Bling: David Fizdale calls B.S.

Kris Bryant can become the next Derek Jeter — and more

The 'Baseball has been very, very good to its players' quiz

NHL youth movement: How the 2016-17 rookie class fared

Today's Best Stuff
For Publishers
Company Info
Help
Follow Yardbarker