Found April 11, 2013 on With Leather:
Pittsburgh’s 96.1 KISS FM Morning Freak Show, presumably hosted by Wet Spot and the Beej, decided to quell some boredom yesterday by starting a Twitter rumor that Pittsburgh Penguins star Sidney Crosby is dating country-turned-pop star Taylor Swift. Normally, I’d be like, “Stupid morning radio dinosaurs startin’ poop with awful photoshops” but not this time, because this rumor totally seems like it could be true.For example, Swift is playing at the Amway Center tonight in my beloved Bethlehem of the meth belt, Orlando, and I wouldn’t even flinch if someone walked up to me in a strip club and said, “Hey I heard Sidney Crosby’s in town because Taylor Swift is playing a show tonight” because she has a different boyfriend every week. In fact, I’m shocked that she hasn’t dated Crosby yet. Hell, any pro athlete for that matter.So because it’s eventually going to happen, and Swift will break up with whichever athlete she gets her talons on (please be Tebow, please be Tebow…) and then she’ll write an entire album about him, I took the liberty of writing her first hit single off that album.“Three Strikes and You’re No Good”Music by Taylor Swift Lyrics by Ashley “Colonel Lovejuice” Burns Inspired by [Insert Athlete’s Name](First verse)You may lead the league in blocks But there’s no time left on my clocks Your home runs may pack the stands But honey we ain’t holdin’ hands No moooooooooooore(Chorus)Strike one, you’re no fun Strike two, who the heck are you? Strike three, to be mean to me Strike four, you’re out the door My heart split the uprights but you’re no good(Second verse)It’s a good thing I’m not an ump Because I’d give your head a lump I’d check you into the glass And you’d never touch my… *shhhhh* No moooooooooooore(Chorus)Strike one, boy, you’re done Strike two, lace up your shoe Strike three, bring on the punt team Strike four, my heart strings just tore Put me on the 60 day DL because you’re no good(Bridge)You said you’re from the school of hard knocks But now you’re in my penalty box You’d rather judge a wet t-shirt party Then treat me like your Lombardi Now I’m cutting you from my roster before opening day Because you just hit into a triple play You’re my lousy Scott Norwood, cuz you’re no good, no good no gooooooooood(Third verse)So go use performance-enhancing drugs While you’re out there endorsing UGGs Cuz you ain’t on my lineup card tonight And these benches won’t clear to fight No moooooooooooore(Chorus)Strike one, I’m calling an audible to shotgun Strike two, my whistle blew Strike three, don’t blame the referee Strike four, get off the floor That’s someone else with me on the Kiss Cam, cuz you’re no gooooooooodThe post Sidney Crosby Is Not Dating Taylor Swift, But If He Was It Might Go Like This… appeared first on With Leather.
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