CARSON, CA - OCTOBER 24: David Beckham #23 of the Los Angeles Galaxy warms up prior to the MLS match against the San Jose Earthquakes at The Home Depot Center on October 24, 2009 in Carson, California. The Galaxy defeated the Earthquakes 2-0. (Photo by Victor Decolongon/Getty Images)
David Beckham: I like America, to be honest with you, but some of these events can be bores, Cris.
Cristiano Ronaldo: It's difficult partying with the typical boors you find at these parties. I am surprised though. These people aren't as dreadful as I was anticipating.
Beckham: Back when the English Premier League was on Fox and ESPN, it was all about pairing us with American footy players. I grew weary of Tom Brady and his wife. I can run into Brazilians at work, thank you very much.
Ronaldo: Yes, but these aren't the ugly, fashionblind people I was expecting.
Sidney Crosby: Hello gentlemen, on behalf of the Pittsburgh Penguins and the NHL, it's a pleasure to have English soccer in the fold.
Ronaldo: You know that officially, I'm not in the EPL? I play for Real Madrid at present.
Sean Avery: Hey, that's cool, I don't play in the NHL either.
Beckham: I was just telling Cris how much more delightful you are than those numbskulls in the NFL. I even detected a few international accents!
Ronaldo: It's not as bad as I was figuring. A party is always better with beautiful people.
Crosby: That's very kind of you, thank you.
Avery: Yes, we play a tough game, but there is no shortage of pretty people playing in the NHL
/door flies open
HEY GUYS MEET MY NEW BEST FRIEND CARLOS