The weirdest 2019 MLB team promotions

Merrifield is one of the best base stealers in the majors, but he’s careful to protect his hand by wearing a glove on it when he runs the bases. That led the Kansas City Royals to decide that the perfect thing to give away this year is an oven mitt. Protect your hand like Merrifield protects his.

Bruce Lee never played for the San Diego Padres, but that hasn’t stopped them from having a night dedicated to the legendary martial artist. That includes a T-shirt that will be given out to fans to wear until they decide to drop a couple of bucks on a Fernando Tatis Jr. jersey. It’s an odd choice for a theme night for a baseball team, but it can be hard to get people to the ballpark in San Diego.

The Marlins have repeatedly been gutted as a franchise over the years, and the excitement isn’t high right now. It’s hard to imagine the idea of getting a fedora, the most polarizing of headwear, making people all that excited. Fedoras aren’t going to bring back Giancarlo Stanton, Christian Yelich and J.T. Realmuto, you know?

Blake Snell was the surprise winner of the AL Cy Young last season. How are the Rays celebrating it? In the obvious way. Namely, they’ve created a bobblehead of Snell as “Cy Zilla,” a monster rising out of the water replete with a lizard’s tail on his otherwise human body.

Coins are becoming increasingly passé, but they are still being made. Even pennies! If you need a place to keep your coins, the Chicago Cubs have you covered. They are giving away coin banks featuring a sliding Javier Baez. They look pretty cool, even if they are on the verge of going obsolete.

This one already happened, since the Mets had to get in under the wire of “Game of Thrones” still being on TV. This bobblehead features Syndergaard sitting on the Iron Throne. Of course, given that his nickname is Thor, why aren’t we seeing Syndergaard in some sort of Marvel context?

Case in point! Rivera doesn’t even have a Marvel-themed nickname, but he’s still getting a bobblehead on the Yankees’ Marvel Superhero Night in July. One wonders why Derek Jeter, aka the Captain, isn’t getting the Steve Rogers makeover, but maybe it’s because Jeter is too busy working with the Marlins and running fedora giveaways.

If you need something for people to wipe their feet on before entering your house, the Indians are saying, “How about doing it on our logo?” These mats are kind of cool in that they are shaped like home plate. Also, mercifully they don’t feature Chief Wahoo on them.

If you know anything about Washington Nationals relief pitcher Sean Doolittle, it’s probably that he’s a “Star Wars” fan. Also, Major League Baseball teams love their Star Wars Nights. The Nats aren’t having theirs on May 4, aka Star Wars Day, but they are still giving out bobbleheads with Doolittle done up as “Obi-Sean Kenobi.” Get that man a robe!

Somebody on the Braves marketing team might be a David Cronenberg fan. How else do you explain the Swanberson bobblehead? It’s half Dansby Swanson, half Charlie Culberson split right down the middle. What a nightmare.

Toronto isn’t known for its barbeque, but it is having a country-themed weekend. The only hook here seems to be that Smoak sounds like “smoke,” which is something associated with BBQ. Hey, it gets Jays fans a BBQ set, whatever that entails. Find out on May 25 if you are in the Toronto area.

Blankets are a nice, practical thing, although they are of less use in a place like Orange County. As such, the fact these are probably thin, cheap blankets isn’t as much of an issue. It still feels odd to have a blanket themed to a player, even one as popular as the Angels' Ohtani.

We’re doubling up on the Angels, who basically have only two ideas for giveaways: Ohtani stuff and Trout stuff. Hey, it’s called knowing your audience. Kole Calhoun merch probably wouldn’t get the fans coming out in droves. A cooler bag seems to be some sort of backpack that will apparently keep stuff cool? It has Trout’s name and number on it, which is a bit of a bland slice of marketing, even for a cooler bag.

Retro T-shirts aren’t all that odd. What makes this strange is that the Phillies are doing a retro T-shirt for McCutchen. He just joined the Phillies this offseason, a decidedly not-retro thing, and he spent the bulk of his career with the Pittsburgh Pirates.

Speaking of the Pirates, they have their own version of the Milwaukee Brewers sausage race, but theirs is dedicated to the pierogi. Now your kids can have their own little pierogi figurines. Because what kid isn’t clamoring to play with Potato Pete or Jalapeno Hannah?

It feels fitting for baseball’s worst team that it's giving out shirts in honor of a team that didn’t make the playoffs. The 1989 Orioles rallied around the cry of “why not?” as they tried to make the postseason after a 107-loss campaign in 1988. Maybe the Orioles are hoping to get a little some of that magic for themselves in 2020?

The Pirates have an “Obi-Wan Taillon” bobblehead for their Star Wars night, which makes sense. However, in September they are giving out a Spider-Man bobblehead. That’s it. There’s no connection to any Pirates player. It’s just Spider-Man in Pirates colors. That seems a bit odd for, you know, a baseball giveaway.

Baseball players who can do a lot of things well are called “five tool” players. The Mariners are literalizing that a bit. Haniger’s bobblehead wears a tool belt with actual tools. A hammer can sort of represent power, but how do you represent arm strength or speed?

Good for Tony Kemp for finding his way onto a bobblehead. All he had to do was hug Jose Altuve. This figurine features Kemp holding up the diminutive second baseman in a full-on bear hug. For some reason, Altuve is way bigger than Kemp in the photos. In fact, his head seems as big as Kemp’s body.

The Oakland A’s, the Giants’ cross-bay counterparts, are giving away Khris Davis baseball bats. That’s cool! The Giants, on the other hand, are giving away little cable cars. It makes sense for San Francisco, but the fact remains that walking into a ballpark and being handed a cable car is a little strange.