Brad Marchand: The key to the Toronto Maple Leafs’ culture shift?

I want to make something crystal clear at the start of this piece. I despise Brad Marchand. I am to Brad Marchand what Kendrick Lamar is to Drake. I hate the way that he walks, the way that he talks, the way that he plays. He is the emblem of all the pathetic failures of the Toronto Maple Leafs’ past decade. He is our sleep paralysis demon, he’s the monster under the bed, he’s the boogeyman. I hope his skate blades are always dull and his stick always breaks. I hope his pillow is always warm and his socks are always damp. 

I also desperately, desperately, desperately want him to play for my hockey team. 

The situation

Marchand is a UFA this offseason, and with Mitch Marner not signing in Toronto, the Leafs have a lot of cap room to play with. Should they spend some of it on Brad? Conditionally, yes, with the condition being obviously the price. Some have suggested that Marchand could command as much as $8M on his next deal, which is quite rich for my blood. However, if it were possible to bring him in on a reasonable deal, I think the Leafs should do it. 

I could bring in all kinds of arguments as to why he would be a good addition. I can talk about his production, having been a consistent 20+ goal scorer for the last 13 seasons. I can talk about his playoff experience and the extra gear he seems to get every postseason. I can talk about his playstyle and the need for a ratlike player on the roster. But instead, I am going to bring a single argument that outweighs all of the cons: vibes. 

With the departure of Marner a near certainty, I have yet to see anyone truly argue that the Leafs can be better, on paper, next year. There is really no way to replace his production with the class of UFAs. However, I would argue that what has been lacking is not point production. I don’t need to remind you that the Leafs won the Atlantic Division this year and still put up those efforts in Games 5 and 7. What is truly needed to fix this team is a culture shift. 

Actually bringing in a winner would help

I have used a sentiment from Adam Wylde a few times in recent pieces, but it always remains prescient. This Leafs team loses like losers. We saw it in Game 5 against the Senators, and we saw it again in Games 5 and 7 against the Panthers. This team collapses under pressure and is seemingly incapable of deciding to win. 

Brad Marchand could be part of the solution to that. It wouldn’t be the first time the team has decided to bring in a veteran presence to help facilitate change. We remember Patrick Marleau and Joe Thornton. Ryan O’Reilly and Max Pacioretty. However, I think Marchand brings a different vibe than those players. 

Marchand is antagonistic, determined, and has a playstyle that the Leafs sorely lack. Being undersized, Marchand has learned the art of being a rat and has basically perfected it. He is both skilled enough to use his size effectively and knows how to level the playing field by simply getting in the minds of his opponents. 

The Leafs need to believe they are capable of winning. I think Brad Marchand is incapable of believing that he can ever lose. 

Will it happen?

If we bring ourselves back to reality, I think the chances of Marchand signing in Toronto are roughly even with the chances the Jays win the World Series. Sure, it’s possible, but it might require a genuine act of god. I also think the AAV that he would require is probably not worth it. 

But just imagine for a second what it would feel like to have Brad Marchand in the blue and white. Already cheering for him when he wears the red and white of Team Canada, or seeing him in a Panthers jersey, feels weird enough. If Marchand becomes a Leaf, I will spend many nights wondering if I’m in some alternate reality. 

If by some miracle Brad Marchand reads this, please consider it. Just think about the legend you’d become if you joined the Leafs and helped lead them to a Stanley Cup. First ballot Hall of Famer. Legends Row statue (I also can’t believe I typed those words). You’d be a hero. If nothing else, do it for the memes. We’ve got your jersey waiting for you.