10 Hilarious Ways to Fix VAR and Other Stupid Soccer Rules

2. Players get booked for removing their shirt after scoring a goal for reasons that have never been explained. A far more heinous crime is the new trend of goal scorers grabbing a phone from the crowd for a selfie. From now on, the goal will be disallowed.

3. The cynical foul. You know the ones. The fast break is on, but a defending player breaks down the move with a deliberate trip, shove or shirt pull, happily taking the yellow card that follows. A red card is too harsh; sin bins are dumb. Instead, the offending player must be forced to stand in the corner for 10 seconds and be humiliated and abused in a manner of the opposing fans choosing.

4. Law 12 stipulates that a goalkeeper may control the ball with their hands for no longer than six seconds. But when have you ever seen this rule enforced? From now on, a timer and explosive devise will be inserted inside the ball that is activated when the keeper has possession of it in their hands. If they fail to release it within six seconds...kaboom.

5. It's ridiculous that only the referee knows how much added time there is, depending on when they decide to pause their watch. Referees must indicate to the crowd when the clock is being paused by breaking out into whatever the latest TikTok dance craze is.

6. Some VAR decisions are still taking an absurd amount of time. Going forward, if VAR fails to make a decision after one minute, it automatically goes to a viewer vote for the TV audience at home. Text 1 for a penalty, 2 for no penalty....

7. Not only must referees be miked up to explain VAR decisions, they must do so in song.

8. Offsides will now be determined solely by the position of the feet of the attacker and defender. Sorry, no joke here, just common sense. No more "armpits in an offside position".

9. Players will no longer be banned for failing a drug test if that drug is marijuana. In fact the punishment will be that they must smoke a doobie just before kick off and play a full 90-minutes. 

10. Ending on a more serious note, VAR is easily solvable. Many other sports have shown how. From now on all on-field decisions stand, BUT, each manager gets two challenges per match (that they keep if they challenge correctly). Like tennis, it becomes a moment of entertainment and tension as fans in the stadium see the replay on the big screen too. 

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