First, let me say that I was born in the wrong era. You see this picture above. I would be able to absolutely bang on this guy in a game of one-on-one. I would have been the superhuman version of Blake Griffin in 1891. Oh well.
Second, I was having a conversation with some of my close amigos this past week about a completely irrelevant topic and suddenly it dawned on me… God invented sports for a particular reason. That reason is included in the five listed below.
So with that, I’ve included 4 more reasons I believe are totally suitable. Hit the jump to check them out..
5. To Give Low I.Q.’s a Chance to Get Rich
Vince Young, John Rocker, Kris Humphries – these guys got rich. Do you really think they would have gotten rich without sports. Um, no. Take a moment and think about the collective I.Q. of professional athletes. It’s actually quite alarming. Without sports, John Rocker would probably be in jail – is he in jail right now?
4. To Promote Health and Fitness
Mission Incomplete. BUT, think about it – do you like running on the treadmill, maybe banging out a half hour on the eliptical. The answer is most certainly not. Would you play a game of pick up, round of golf, etc. – absolutely. Clearly, we have ways to go on this one, but it’s helping a little.
3. To Free Slaves
Mission Complete: You think God wanted slavery? Thus in ancient times we had games to give slaves the opportunity to free themselves. We no longer need the games/sports for this reason. Good work G
2. To Give Ugly Guys a Chance to Taste His Very Best Work
If you’re an ugly computer software engineer you have no hope…If you’re an ugly professional athlete the world is your oyster. You have to hand it to God for thinking of the ugly guys. Without sports they’d be completely deprived of his finest fruits. He saw fit to open a window of opportunity. (Just think about the number of lackluster looking athletes that bring in serious tail)
1.) To Save Marriages
Look at this dude – focused on the game while his wife pouts. People are living longer these days which means 50 years of marriage is an ultimate challenge! My parents – married for 40 years. You know what my dad does every weekend. He sits in his chair and watches sports, and doesn’t talk. That’s how you get to 40 years bro.