The Lugo Variations, 2009

As a friend, Julio Lugo, I feel it's important to tell you that no matter what you do, you're going to be the scapegoat. We can't boo Papi -- it's just not in our DNA -- so when something goes wrong, you're gonna be the guy who hears it. Sox offense can't buy a hit? Your fault. Fenway beer tasting a little too "warm" and "rodent-like"? Your bad. Girlfriend won't give it up, despite the fact we just shelled out seventy bucks on dinner and wore our fresh-pressed, Sunday-go-to-meetin' Youk shirt? I blame you, Dinkus.Could you have actually snared those ground balls last night? The ones that opened the allowed the Rangers to avoid some outs and push a few more runs across the plate? Dude, I could barely put my jockstrap on the right way in high school, so I'm hardly qualified to judge your athletic prowess. But it's beyond mattering. You're the guy. The handsomely-paid shortstop who always seems to come up a dime short when...