Originally written on Purple Jesus Diaries  |  Last updated 10/18/14
In an attempt to rid the team of every player I care about (Run, Purple Jesus, get away while you can!), the Minnesota Vikings released Chris Kluwe, the 31 year old punter that was heading into his ninth year, who transcended what football to live among the clouds of AWESOME. Maybe it's a good thing he's cut from the team. The Vikings are turning into such a boring group of cold potatoes that Kluwe's "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" references are wasted on our backwoods denizen fans, and the soulless, faceless entity now in front of you more accurately represents the franchise, the NFL, and the bland brand of sport they offer. Exciting stuff! Also, anyone who bothers to get up in arms to go OUT OF THEIR WAY, and make sure everyone knows Kluwe was TOTALLY RELEASED because of football reasons, which are PERFECTLY LEGITIMATE, is pretty much just confirming the elephant in the room and are being lustful **** monsters. Just like Frank Fitts in American Beauty. Anyway. The Vikings are going through a youth movement, blah blah, they wanted a cheaper kicker, words go here, go **** yourself Vikings, you've successfully rid yourself of the last remaining players I want to cheer for (outside of your heavenly running back, obviously). Hopefully Kluwe signs with Seattle so my team allegiance switch will go smoothly! So we bid adieu, sweet prince, and write you a parting ode via haiku: Californian, With erotic flowing locks, You brought sunshine north. Ball management skills, Evident from rookie year, On field work good too. With purple and gold, Your kicks would bring sweet justice, To sucky offense. Rode oft to battle, Fought Bears, Lions, and Packers, Devin Hester won. But not a battle, Will win a war, said some guy, Who never punted. From video games, Rock bands, to comedy shows, Your brand knew no bound. Your fight for the gays, Was just and proud - Made us all, A little bit gay? From Gangnam Style Dance, To ice cream bets - You're still it ... Best Shirtless Viking. Adieu Chris, my prince, May your Warcraft guy be strong, And thanks for the fish. [follow]
MORE FROM YARDBARKER

Favre delays Lambeau return because of Bart Starr’s health

Cowboys release Michael Sam from practice squad

Fan in critical condition after being beaten before Bears game

Ben Roethlisberger rips the media

Tim Tebow: Gators don't have offensive leadership, lack heart

Colts punter asks Antonio Brown not to kick him in face

LIKE WHAT YOU SEE?
GET THE DAILY NEWSLETTER:

NFL: Luke Kuechly should not have been ejected

Report: Okla. St. players fell asleep in drive-thru, arrested

Oscar Pistorius sentenced to five years in prison

Mike Pettine considered benching Hoyer for Manziel

Percy Harvin speaks out: 'I'm not a perfect person'

Report: Kobe has prevented Lakers from signing top talent

Bayless: Kobe's sexual assault trial gave him 'edge' and 'sizzle'

Blackhawks make leukemia patient's dream come true

College football's post-Week 8 Playoff projection

Ortiz surprised military families with World Series tickets

NFL Power Rankings Week 7

Floyd Mayweather posts photo evidence of a lost bet

WATCH: Paul George takes court for first time since leg injury

Five most surprising NFL players through seven weeks

WATCH: Boxer viciously attacks referee at Euro Championships

WATCH: Salvador Perez hassles Lorenzo Cain at media session

Lane Kiffin trashed in Tennessee political ad

WATCH: Lawrence Timmons throws up on field during MNF

All Sports News
Delivered to your inbox
You'll also receive Yardbarker's daily Top 10, featuring the best sports stories from around the web. Customize your newsletter to get articles on your favorite sports and teams. And the best part? It's free!

Ben Roethlisberger rips media

NFL Power Rankings Week 7

Pistorius sentenced to five years

Lane Kiffin trashed in political ad

Details of War Machine's suicide letter leaked

Angry Jimbo Fisher cuts off interview

Is Kobe's deal hurting the Lakers?

Tenn. coach tried to trip Ole Miss CB?

GGG continues his reign of terror

The 6 things that mattered this weekend in the premier league

News station congratulates Gary Payton for TD record

Ray Rice could be back by Week 10?

Today's Best Stuff
For Bloggers

Join the Yardbarker Network for more promotion, traffic, and money.

Company Info
Help
What is Yardbarker?

Yardbarker is the largest network of sports blogs and pro athlete blogs on the web. This site is the hub of the Yardbarker Network, where our editors and algorithms curate the best sports content from our network and beyond.