Originally written on Purple Jesus Diaries  |  Last updated 11/18/14
In an attempt to rid the team of every player I care about (Run, Purple Jesus, get away while you can!), the Minnesota Vikings released Chris Kluwe, the 31 year old punter that was heading into his ninth year, who transcended what football to live among the clouds of AWESOME. Maybe it's a good thing he's cut from the team. The Vikings are turning into such a boring group of cold potatoes that Kluwe's "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" references are wasted on our backwoods denizen fans, and the soulless, faceless entity now in front of you more accurately represents the franchise, the NFL, and the bland brand of sport they offer. Exciting stuff! Also, anyone who bothers to get up in arms to go OUT OF THEIR WAY, and make sure everyone knows Kluwe was TOTALLY RELEASED because of football reasons, which are PERFECTLY LEGITIMATE, is pretty much just confirming the elephant in the room and are being lustful **** monsters. Just like Frank Fitts in American Beauty. Anyway. The Vikings are going through a youth movement, blah blah, they wanted a cheaper kicker, words go here, go **** yourself Vikings, you've successfully rid yourself of the last remaining players I want to cheer for (outside of your heavenly running back, obviously). Hopefully Kluwe signs with Seattle so my team allegiance switch will go smoothly! So we bid adieu, sweet prince, and write you a parting ode via haiku: Californian, With erotic flowing locks, You brought sunshine north. Ball management skills, Evident from rookie year, On field work good too. With purple and gold, Your kicks would bring sweet justice, To sucky offense. Rode oft to battle, Fought Bears, Lions, and Packers, Devin Hester won. But not a battle, Will win a war, said some guy, Who never punted. From video games, Rock bands, to comedy shows, Your brand knew no bound. Your fight for the gays, Was just and proud - Made us all, A little bit gay? From Gangnam Style Dance, To ice cream bets - You're still it ... Best Shirtless Viking. Adieu Chris, my prince, May your Warcraft guy be strong, And thanks for the fish. [follow]
MORE FROM YARDBARKER

Pacquiao knocks down Algieri six times in easy win

John Calipari gets daughter's birthday wrong

Carson: Hall of Fame career not worth concussion problems

Tiger hires new swing coach

Is Sting making his WWE debut at Survivor Series?

Eric Decker: It's tough watching Emmanuel Sanders, Broncos

LIKE WHAT YOU SEE?
GET THE DAILY NEWSLETTER:

Semaje Perine breaks Melvin Gordon's rushing record

Report: Chip Kelly, Eagles GM not seeing eye-to-eye

Pete Carroll open to playing Richard Sherman at WR

Jay Gruden: RG3 has been 'coddled for so long'

Red Sox have best offer on table for Pablo Sandoval?

LeBron: Kevin Love will get the ball 'if he demands it'

WATCH: Young reporter asks Helfrich funny question

Sager makes first appearance since leukemia diagnosis

Harvard kicker wears glasses

WATCH: Tennessee fans go a little overboard celebrating TD

Dwight Howard out indefinitely after having PRP on knee

Report: Mike Gundy pursuing Florida job

WATCH: Jameis Winston gets away with shoving an official

WATCH: Georgia's Chris Conley makes diving TD catch

WATCH: Nebraska blocks field goal, returns it for TD

Florida DL shows support for Will Muschamp with eye black

WATCH: Javale McGee kisses elderly fan sitting courtside

WATCH: Tim Tebow busts out a brief Steve Spurrier impression

All Sports News
Delivered to your inbox
You'll also receive Yardbarker's daily Top 10, featuring the best sports stories from around the web. Customize your newsletter to get articles on your favorite sports and teams. And the best part? It's free!

Cal gets daughter's bday wrong

Carson: Career not worth concussions

Report: Gundy pursuing Florida job

Tiger hires new swing coach

WATCH: Jameis Winston shoves ref

Florida DL supports Will Muschamp with eye black

Jay Gruden: RG3 has been 'coddled'

LeBron: Love needs to 'demand' the ball

Bills-Jets game will be free admission

Pete Carroll: Lynch is 'our guy'

Which NFL team will get the #1 pick?

Game of the week: Patriots vs. Lions

Today's Best Stuff
For Bloggers

Join the Yardbarker Network for more promotion, traffic, and money.

Company Info
Help
What is Yardbarker?

Yardbarker is the largest network of sports blogs and pro athlete blogs on the web. This site is the hub of the Yardbarker Network, where our editors and algorithms curate the best sports content from our network and beyond.