Originally posted on The Sports Bank  |  Last updated 10/7/13
Georgia Tech fraternity brother Matthew Peterson seems to not be learning anything in college. The Social Chair at the Tech Chapter of Phi Kappa Tau hasn’t earned that rape is a bad thing. He sent a letter actually entitled “Luring Your Rapebait” to all of his frat bro subordinates. It clearly advises: “no raping!” In ALL CAPS! However, it is indeed the most rapiest thing you’ll ever read. Peterson penned a long letter about campus sex and socializing a la Rebecca Martinson, the deranged University of Maryland Delta Gamma sorority girl. Like Becca Martie, Matthew Peterson spends a significant portion of his letter YELLING AT YOU IN ALL CAPS. BECAUSE IT’S IMPORTANT! Matthew Peterson also hasn’t learned these secondary life lessons. In addition to the primary life lesson that unfunny rape jokes are bad, and that rape itself is a horrible thing. Peterson needs to learn that when you write a horrible electronic missive that 1.) reveals what a morally repugnant excuse for a human being you are and 2.) Gives condescending instructions to your Greek Life brethern on how they should live their life… …it gets published on the internet! It makes the rounds on the blogosphere and social media. Didn’t you just learn this literally six months ago via the cautionary example of Martinson? Matthew Peterson says “no raping,” but he doesn’t seem to understand the meaning of the word rape. As he “guides” his frat bros with such “sage advice” as if all else fails “get more alcohol.” Doesn’t sound like consensual sex to me. Matthew Peterson also blatantly advocates sexual assault, in public no less, in his letter that truly reads like it’s a parody. No one penning this can be serious, right? Also, according to the Matthew Peterson “dating guide,” an alternate universe exists where alcohol somehow facilitates, not inhibits, an adult male’s ability to have an erection/***********. According to Total Frat Move, here’s the letter, in it’s unfiltered, unaltered entirety: “Alright chods, some of you could use some help on how to mack and succeed at parties. Mostly pledges do, but some bros could use a review. For anytime throughout the party… If you are standing by yourself at any point, YOU ARE OUTTA HERE!!! If you are talking to a brother of your pledge brothers when there are girls just standing around, YOU ARE OUTTA HERE!!! Ok, if it is before midnight… A group of girls is standing around, grab a bro or pledge bro and go talk to them. First, introduce yourself and get their name, ask if they are having a good time, and then ask if they want anything to drink. If they say yes, walk them to the bar and tell them what we have to drink. If they say no and they look like they are in a sorority, ask them if they are in a sorority (DUH). If not, choose one of the following: where are you living, where are you from, have you been here before, how are classes going, or where all have you been tonight. Then proceed to have a conversation. IF THEY ARE HAMMERED AT ANY POINT BEFORE MIDNIGHT, JUST SKIP THE CHIT CHAT AND GO DANCE. Midnight or after, if you have been talking for awhile and they’ve had a couple drinks, ask if they want to dance. If you see an untalked to group or a solo girl, go up to her and ask if she wants anything to drink. If she says yes, get her a drink and then ask if she wants to dance. If she says no, ask her to dance. DANCING IS FUN!!!!! Always try to dance. If she does not want to dance and is with friends, say “aw thats no fun” (or something like that) and then ask one of her friends. Here is how to dance: Grab them on the hips with your 2 hands and then let them grind against your dick. After that slowly alternate between just putting your hand across their stomach, but make sure don’t to go to high (keep it under the boob) or too low(dont try to finger her… yet). After a song, start putting your cheek on the side of her cheek. ALWAYS USE YOUR HANDS OR ARMS TO GUIDE THEIR DANCING in order to maximize your pleasure. If she starts putting her hair over her ear, THAT MEANS SHE WANTS A KISS. Therefore, try to give her a kiss on the cheek. They usually like that and nothing really should ebcome of it. In the case, go for the neck kiss. If for some reason they aren’t down for a cheek kiss, just dance through it or say you are going to get another drink and see if they want one. And then repeat from the beginning. If the party is going good (a.k.a. there are a lot of open girls) try to escalate cause it’s awesome. Here is how to escalate: Try to twist her hips around to face you and dance front to front. FROM THERE THE OPTIONS ARE UNLIMITED! You can make-out with her (tongue on tongue), you can stick your hand up her shirt (not right away though), you can go for a butt grab (outside or inside the shirts), or use your imagination. ALWAYS START WITH THE MAKING OUT!!!! NO RAPING. A short guide consist of the 7 E’s of HOOKING UP! 1. Encounter (spot a girl or group of girls) 2. Engage (go up and talk to them) 3. Escalate (ask them to dance, or ask them to go up to your room or find a couch, depending on what kind of party) 4. Erection (GET HARD) 5. Excavate (should be self-explanatory) 6. ********* (should also be self explanatory) 7. Expunge (send them out of your room and on their way out when you are finished. IF ANYTHING EVER FAILS, GO GET MORE ALCOHOL. I want to see everyone succeed at the next couple parties. Is he trying to say “chodes” or “clods.” I can’t decipher his typo. Rebecca Martinson became an internet star for a week; granted it was in infamy. She was famous for being an idiot/disgusting human being. And Matthew Peterson is a more evil, male version of her. However, Becca eventually parlayed that into a writing gig with a high-trafficed website after the dust settled. Maybe Matthew Peterson will do the same thing? Paul M. Banks is the owner of The Sports Bank.net, an affiliate of Fox Sports. An analyst for 95.7 The Fan and 1620 The Zone, he also writes for Chicago Now. Follow him on Twitter (@paulmbanks), Facebook, and RSS The post Georgia Tech’s Matthew Peterson writes Sexual Assault “How-to” Guide appeared first on The Sports Bank.Net.
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