Originally posted on Backyard Sports Blog  |  Last updated 8/28/13
Remember when you were 15 and getting one of your first real experience with boobs? It was awesome. In fact, I'm sure you can recall that first feeling of excitement because it's still equally as awesome as it was the first time. Do you remember the first time you ever tried titty *******? It may not have been as awesome, because let's face it, there's a lot of variables that can go wrong and suddenly it just doesn't seem worth the time. But that's just because you didn't take the chance to maximize your titty ******* experience. Read some of these tips, enjoy the headless boob photos and then convince your girl to give it a try again. Cause why not? 1. Be sure to have your girl get you good and hard prior to wedging your space probe between her gas planets. Her titties aren't going to be able to do the initial work, so just flop it in her mouth real fast or go for the old school handy. Whatever works. 2. Once you're ready, snag a bottle of lube. This is crucial because as you may know, titties can't get wet like your reliable southern friend. Pick up some water or silicone based lube from Adam & Eve and give it a generous squirt. This will help you slip and slide away with the greatest of ease. It will also make her **** look like shiny crystal balls. You'll be able to see your nut busting future in them. 3. Next decide on who's going to be in control. Do you want to be able to control the depth and speed? If so, you should hold her boobs together. If you want to let her do her thing, then hand them over to her to squeeze together. Maybe you could even have a moment by having you both holding them together. Chicks dig that ****. 4. Pump like a champ. Just do the damn thing. Go to town and rock it out like it's your job. You're the best titty ****** in the world. No one can stop you. 5. Get ready and maybe know her stance on pearl necklaces before you just drop some fresh jewelry on her neck. If she's not into it, just finish in her mouth. Duh. #ProTip. 6. Grab a towel or bring your chests together in a ceremonious act of love and rub. 7. Lastly, smile cause you just achieve gold and didn't even have to wrap it up. (Unless you have some sort of VD on your junk that can spread from skin to skin contact... then be a man and wrap your can.) So you may be thinking to yourself, Yo, this sounds awesome, but my girl has some small boobs." Well that sucks, but you can still ram your freighter between her barrier islands. Just have her lay on her stomach and hang her itty bitties over the bed or have her kneel in from of you. Laying down will make them disappear, so cut that out.
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