Found February 03, 2012 on Sorry Bro: Sports Through Houser:
Louie Helmburg

Prepare yourself for one of the most biggest scene stealing drama queen stories in college sports history. The Thundering Herd of Marshall should banish this guy from campus. From UPI:
A West Virginia college student is suing a fraternity for negligence, claiming he fell off a deck because a bottle rocket went off in another student’s rectum.

Louis Helmburg III of Marshall University is suing the Alpha Tau Omega Fraternity and fraternity member Travis Hughes, claiming he suffered injuries at a party in 2011 after the allegedly drunken Hughes attempted to fire a bottle rocket from his anus, Courthouse News Service reported Thursday. “Instead of launching, the bottle rocket blew up in the defendant’s rectum, and this startled the plaintiff and caused him to jump back,” and fall off the deck, the lawsuit contends.

In the suit, filed in Cabell County Court, Helmburg claims he suffered pain and medical expenses and lost playing time on Marshall’s baseball team, and that the fraternity was negligent in supervising its guests and members. The report offered no information on Hughes’ medical condition after the incident.
All this baseball player suffered from this 2-foot free fall from a deck was that he may have missed a couple of baseball games thanks to his sprained toe and a fragile emotional state. While the other guy just had his asshole gaped open to gay porn star size, all in the fun of entertaining drunk frat guys.

I question the validity of the proclaimed title that Louis Helmburg III is a "baseball player," even though the team site says he plays catcher. No man can take a baseball bat with a bat speed at 82 mph being swung right in front of his face as a hobby and still get startled by bottle rocket sparks and sue a frat for it.

There's more terrifying scenes in West Virginia daily than an anus firework to the face. [Follow me @TravisHouser]




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