I'm not sure if you guys know this about me, but besides having a penchant for hacking away at all things sports and music, I also consider myself one of the world's foremost experts of the corporate turnaround. It's true, because I have a MBA. So today, I'll lend this sage wisdom to the good folks of Detroit to save the petering automotive industry. Detroit, all you have to do is follow these five simple suggestions and commence Industrial Revolution 2.0.

1) Work on all those terrible names - Whoever's brother, nephew, or cousin got put in charge of naming conventions in Detroit needs a fucking dictionary. For starters, why would you ever name a car manufacturer General Motors? Who in their right mind wants a general motor? Everyone wants an awesome motor. Detroit should know as well as anyone, considering how they go around hyping up the Hemi in the cars. At least make an effort. Beyond that, just look at the history: the Chevrolet sounds like the offspring of a Russian-French one-nighter; Oldsmobile, that's just a lay-up; and the 90 varieties of the one-day getaway (i.e., Excursion, Escalade, Escape) is just so tired.

2) Stop making a mockery of human innovation - The way I see it, we are at least 8 years behind schedule for flying cars. It's 2008 for the love of Lansing. We should have an entire inter-cumulonimbus network up there by now.

3) Upgrade William Clay Ford, Jr.'s' Image