Originally written on Midwest Sports Fans  |  Last updated 11/7/14

SAN DIEGO - DECEMBER 30: Ndamukong Suh #93 and Head Coach Bo Pelini of the University of Nebraska Cornhuskers look on after their team's 33-0 victory against the University of Arizona Wildcats during the Pacific Life Holiday Bowl, on December 30, 2009 at Qualcomm Stadium in San Diego, California. The Cornhuskers defeated the Wildcats 33-0. (Photo By Donald Miralle/Getty Images)

Already known for pitching products such as Nike, Chrysler, and Subway, I see even more lucrative endorsement opportunities for the most controversial player in pro football, Ndamukong Suh.

The ad would go something like this…

‘I’m Mayhem. I’m 6’4”, 300+ pounds, and was the second overall pick in the 2010 National Football League Draft.’

‘My aggressive play has gone over the line on numerous occasions to the point that Commissioner Roger Goodell sent me on a two-week vacation after stomping on an opponent on national television’

‘So, I’m chillin’. I’m back in Portland, with my ride, a classic 1970 Chevrolet Chevelle, and my women.’

‘It’s late on a Friday night, and we’re about to do some clubbing…’

‘Wait, I see a parked taxi. RE-CALCULATING, SPEED UP – NOW!!!!!!!’


If you have a cut-rate insurance company whose spokesman is Brian Orakpo, you might be paying for this yourself.

It might not rank with the epic campaign Aaron Rodgers currently has going with State Farm.

Hell, it probably doesn’t even rank with Aaron Rodgers campaign with attorney David Gruber – in this spot AR asks Gruber to clarify the difference is between an underinsured and uninsured driver…

‘GREAT QUESTION AARON!!’ responds Gruber…

Wait a minute. Didn’t Rodgers go to Cal?? I heard that’s supposed to be a halfway-decent academic school.

Rodgers is WAY too good for pitching an attorney’s services. That would be a better sponsor for Suh, who is going to need the legal advice now that the two women are claiming injuries.

But as was the case in the infamous Kellen Winslow motorcycle mishap a few years back, you know there was more than smoke when the initial reports came out about the Suh crash. And the ‘taxi-cab’ he supposedly had to beat off pit road?? There’s a possibility that it was invisible.

Lose control of your rig? It’s a street in downtown Portland, not the backstretch of Michigan International Speedway. And I don’t think an invisible taxi is going to get a 1970 Chevelle aero-loose. Not even Jeremy Mayfield loaded up on meth could pull that one off.

But then again, this is not Suh’s first time at this rodeo. While playing for Nebraska, Suh managed to take out three parked cars with an SUV. The alibi that time was that Suh was swerving to avoid a cat.

In the aftermath Suh was fined $60, paid an additional $48 in court costs and got his wrist slapped by Cornhuskers Head Coach Bo Pellini.

Was that all? No wonder Ari Kaufman loves Lincoln so much.

Thankfully, Ndamukong didn’t accept a scholarship with Colorado, where he would have had to contend with cougars, bears, and deer on the roads.

Expect Suh’s relationship with Chrysler to come to an end in the very-near future, as he was caught red-handed wrecking a Chevrolet. But he picks up Allstate and a prominent personal injury attorney in the Detroit metropolitan area.

Now, just maybe, Ndamukong can start to mellow a little – before his football career falls into a State of Disaster…

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