Originally posted on The Sports Bank  |  Last updated 7/22/13
BREAKING…..BULLETIN…..URGENT Duchess Kate Middleton. It’s here, it’s FINALLY here! Yes, my use of ALL CAPS should tell each and every one of my loyal Sports Bank readers that …..THE ROYAL BABY IS FINALLY HERE!!!!!! Her Royal Highness Catherine, the Duchess of Cambridge — and the former Kate Middleton — has given birth to the heir to the British throne. Oh, and her husband just happens to be Prince William, the future King of England. Move your big fat ass over, Kim Kardashian, the REAL royal baby has been born. Sorry “North West.” Duchess Kate gave birth to an 8 pound son born at 16:24 local time. that would be 4:24  in the afternoon to us. As is customary in royal circles the birth was announced on a small piece of paper tacked to the gate of Buckingham Palace. And all the world then rejoiced as our sweet Duchess Kate Middleton of the little village of Bucklebury Berkshire became a royal mother. And the baby’s title is His Royal Highness Prince or Princess of Cambridge. MY GOD, I AM SOOOOOO EXCITED FOR Duchess Kate Middleton AND PRINCE WILLIAM!!!! EVERYBODY STOP WHAT YOU’RE DOING RIGHT NOW! THIS HAS TREMENDOUS IMPORTANCE ON YOUR DAILY LIFE. THIS IS EXTREMELY RELEVANT TO YOUR WELL BEING! Ok, so I didn’t get up at 4 a.m. two years ago to watch the Royal Wedding on TV and gasp at how beautiful Kate Middleton’s wedding dress looked. But my girlfriend did, and she’s a bit nuts (as are all women) to begin with anyway, so I kind of got sucked into this royal birth watch on accident. Against my will is more like it. So that’s why I’m doing this post. Here’s the pecking order for the British royal throne (get your scorecards ready): If Queen Elizabeth ever kicks off, then Prince Charles (and his woofer of a wife, Camilla) will take over as King of England. Camilla will have a title, but it won’t be queen, because she doesn’t deserve it. Next in line is Duchess Kate Middleton’s hubby, Prince William. And then is THE ROYAL BABY. Prince Harry, who oddly enough reminds me of Dale Earnhardt Jr. for some reason, gets bumped back to fourth in line to the British throne because Kate Middleton popped out a kid. There’s your history lesson for the day. I just thank God over and over that I’m not writing about the Kardashians. I’ll take Duchess Kate Middleton and her beautiful brown hair any day. Paul M. Banks is the owner of The Sports Bank.net. He does a weekly spot for 95.7 The Fan. President Barack Obama follows him on Twitter (@PaulMBanks), The post Duchess Kate Middleton gives birth OMG! STOP EVERYTHING THAT YOU’RE DOING!!!!!! appeared first on The Sports Bank.Net.
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