Originally written on Busted Coverage  |  Last updated 10/14/14

BATON ROUGE, LA - DECEMBER 08: Sir Elton John congratulates Anna Kournikova as Serena Williams looks on during a pro-celebrity mixed double at the 17th Annual World Team Tennis Smash Hits benefiting the Elton John AIDS Foundation and Baton Rouge area AIDS charities at the Pete Maravich Assembly Center on December 8, 2009 in Baton Rouge, Louisiana. (Photo by Skip Bolen/Getty Images)

Imagine for a minute that you’re a chocolate lab puppy, 7 weeks old and there are these strange people that start visiting you and talking money with your birth parents. Then, a strange accent cascades down on your cute, floppy ears. Seems Russian. The woman sounds very sweet, caring. Of course you want her to take you home. She’s playing with your brother Shorty.

Ahh, but Shorty takes a leak on her foot and suddenly you’re the last male to choose. Jackpot. Meet your new mommy.

Tell us there’s a luckier dog in the world. Test us. Can you imagine this dog licking his balls, he looks up and there’s Anna Kournikova walking around her Miami pad completely naked. Imagine that! Don’t think for a second these dogs don’t brag at the dog park.

“Yeah, fellas, sniff my ass. It camps out on Egyptian sheets and hangs at ARod’s house. Get a good whiff.”

Howitzer could have ended up with some cocaine snorting fat pig Columbian owning him and living in some ****** pink condo on South Beach.

Instead, little dude is cruising around the inner coastal with Anna snuggling. This lucky bastard better be praying – HARD – over ever single organic biscuit he woofs down over the next 11-13 years.


Filed under: Girls, Other Sports
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