Originally posted on The North End End Zone  |  Last updated 8/7/12

Wow, quite a response to our Ultimate Baseball Team. Apparently, everyone is ok with having a dog playing shooting guard, but Ham “The Great Hambino” Porter playing catcher? GOD FORBID!

But thank the lord, we actually had some comments. Debate is a good thing, especially when it’s about something that absolutely does not matter.

Anyways, how about we do something that we actually blog about! FOOTBALL!

------------------------------

Putting together a fictional football team with all the correct position is much more difficult than we imagined, especially on the defensive side of the ball. While defense wins championships, they are apparently death at the box office. Don’t expect too many honorable mentions.

We’ve learned from Coach LeBeau, and we’re going with a 3-4 formation. On to the team!

------------------------------

Defensive Line:

Andre Kimm (Sinbad), Necessary Roughness

Julius Campbell, Remember the Titans

Rudy Ruettiger, Rudy

First off, selecting Sinbad was a no-brainer. Anyone that had a role in Jingle All the Way is automatically on the team.

Julius is a born leader, and the real heart behind the championship Titan squad. He was a sack machine, and could really clog up the run.

We may appear to be breaking our rule of “no real players”, but Rudy is definitely more known for the movie than actually playing. Plus, anyone born after 1988 will not be convinced that Notre Dame is an actual football team.

Honorable Mention: N/A, we were lucky to find 3 people to begin with.

------------------------------

Linebackers:

Becky “Ice Box” O’Shea, Little Giants

Danny Bateman, The Replacements

Bobby Boucher, The Waterboy

Luther “Shark” Luvay, Any Given Sunday


Our linebacker corps is the best part of our defense. Captained by Luvay (played by part-time linebacker, full-time drug addict Lawrence Taylor), this group is ready for anything. Bobby Boucher is out to destroy people. Bateman is a turnover machine. And Icebox is a girl. All of our bases are covered.

Honorable Mention: Gerry Bertier, Remember the Titans.

------------------------------

Secondary:

Petey Jones, Remember the Titans

Stefan Djordjevic, All the Right Moves

Alan Bosley, Remember the Titans

Brian Chavez, Friday Night Lights

Man, this one was nearly impossible. We actually had to take Alan (who was getting beat like he stole something, but Ryan Gosling, OMFG), who was replaced by Petey. We were also forced to take Tom Cruise, which no one should ever have to do.

Honorable Mention: N/A, this one was way too hard.

------------------------------

Def. Coordinator: Farmer Fran, The Waterboy

You wanna talk about a turnaround? This guy took a horrible team with a waterboy for a captain, and turned them into a defensive juggernaut. His style may be different, but you can’t argue with results.

Honorable Mention: Coach Yost, Remember the Titans

------------------------------

Tomorrow, the offense.

Then… well, you know what time it is…

MORE FROM YARDBARKER

Cuban takes blame for ‘horrible mistake’ not firing Sneed sooner

Jocelyne Lamoureux wins gold medal with beautiful shootout goal

Lindsey Vonn unable to pull off miracle in slalom, does not medal in combined

Gregg Popovich does not expect Kawhi Leonard to return this season

Drew Brees reportedly to demand less than Jimmy Garoppolo on new deal

LIKE WHAT YOU SEE?
GET THE DAILY NEWSLETTER:

Louisville website selling shirts with Kevin Ware’s ‘rings’ quote

Polian changes stance on Manziel: ‘Cleveland got what they deserved’

Anthony Rizzo: 'Awesome' teams wearing Stoneman Douglas caps

MLB considering letting trailing team bat anyone in ninth?

Warriors to spend D.C. day with kids instead of at White House

LeBron James not a fan of NBA altering playoff format

The 'Red Sox finally get their guy' quiz

MLB's top 10 first basemen for 2018

Faltering Blackhawks face tough decisions at deadline

25 best MLB players under 25

A.J. McCarron might be the best consolation prize in free agency

MLB's top 10 second basemen for 2018

Offseason needs for every NFL team

Negro Leaguers every baseball fan should know

Top 30 NFL free agents

MLB's top 10 starting pitchers for 2018

The greatest barrier-breaking African-American moments in MLB history

MLB's top 10 catchers for 2018

Entertainment News
Delivered to your inbox
You'll also receive Yardbarker's daily Top 10, featuring the best sports stories from around the web. Customize your newsletter to get articles on your favorite sports and teams. And the best part? It's free!

By clicking "Sign Me Up", you have read and agreed to the Yardbarker Privacy Policy and Terms of Service. You can opt out at any time. For more information, please see our Privacy Policy.

25 best MLB players under 25

The 'Red Sox finally get their guy' quiz

MLB's top 10 first basemen for 2018

Faltering Blackhawks face tough decisions at deadline

Offseason needs for every NFL team

MLB's top 10 second basemen for 2018

The 'All muscle hamsters go to heaven' quiz

A.J. McCarron might be the best consolation prize in free agency

The 'James gang walks away with a win' quiz

Negro Leaguers every baseball fan should know

Today's Best Stuff
For Publishers
Company Info
Help
Follow Yardbarker