Originally written on Beer Mug Sports  |  Last updated 11/17/14

PONTE VEDRA BEACH, FL - MAY 08: Tiger Woods waves to patrons from the green on the ninth hole during the third round of THE PLAYERS Championship held at THE PLAYERS Stadium course at TPC Sawgrass on May 8, 2010 in Ponte Vedra Beach, Florida. (Photo by Sam Greenwood/Getty Images)

In recent news, Peyton Hillis wants to retire at 26 years old to join the CIA after having a **** filled season in the NFL. Um, WTF is wrong with you Hillis? Are you out of your bird? Have you ever heard of the "get back on the horse" expression?  I can’t believe you want to ***** out and join the suits in pursuit to ruin the internet just because you had one bad season with your injured vagina, I mean hammy. Similar to Peyton Hillis, Tiger Woods may join forces with the United States by enlisting in the Navy. Tiger, we know you look almost exactly like Cuba Gooding Jr., but you’ll never play the role of a US Navy seal better than Cuba did in Made of Honor.  In respect to you Mr.Woods, we know you can definitely do a better job than the guys in the chopper who accidently dropped Osama Bin Laden’s corpse in the ocean on the way back to America and had to rely on the government to convince the public that it was no mistake.

(awesome scene from Made of Honor)

(Navy Seal Parody)

 

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