Originally written on Legend of Cecilio Guante  |  Last updated 6/19/12
Pga_tour_bob_dd09

Webb Simpson, appropriately named U.S. Open Champ.

Congrats to Mr. Webb Simpson on winning the U.S. Open on Sunday. We at The Legend know as much about Webb Simpson as the rest of you, close to zero. But what a great name for a golfer! Would we have preferred to see somebody we’ve actually heard of win our national golf championship? Perhaps. Maybe a former champion like Jim Furyk or Graeme McDonald. the two golfers who made up the final pairing on Sunday. Maybe a certain player who has amazed us by doing things we’ve never seen done on a golf course before, but has been struggling to return to his dominant form after a slew of injuries, and dealing with the consequences of finding out that he can bag any chick he wants just by being present and breathing AFTER he got married? We’d take a victory out of that guy in a heartbeat! But, that guy and all the other “name” players wilted under the pressure of the moment  and difficulty of the Olympic Club. Not Webb Simpson, he just went out there and grinded his way to a second straight 68, and took the championship home. Maybe he isn’t the familiar superstar we hoped would win, but hot damn, doesn’t it soften the blow that he has a perfect golfer’s name? Webb Simpson. Out of the cradle and into the Country Club, right?

If you were named Webb Simpson, don’t you think you’d play golf? Maybe professional golf? You’d have to at least give it a shot, right? The Legend appreciates professional athletes whose names are tailor made apropos for their craft. Like Webb Simpson had to be a golfer, these guys had to do what they did. Their names demanded it. And I swear, I won’t make any Dick Trickle, Dick Pole, or Rusty Kuntz jokes.

Buddy had to be a lefty out of the pen, right?

Buddy Groom, Left Handed Relief Pitcher — The ole southpaw out of the pen. A wily lefty with a middling ERA, about a .500 record, tricky stuff, and a permanent spot on the roster. Buddy Groom plied his trade from the early 1990′s until the mid-2000′s, getting lefties out with the big hook (you’d have to imagine Buddy was throwing benders and not gas, right?) for 14 years. You can call your lefty bullpen specialist whatever you want, we’ll call ours Buddy Groom.

Na’il Diggs, Linebacker – Na’il Diggs was a linebacker a The Ohio State University, and was drafted by the Packers in the 4th Round of the 2000 NFL draft.  He’s played strong and weakside linebacker for four different teams. He’s currently on the Charges roster. He sounds like a linebacker.

Mike Quick, Wide Receiver — Quick was a wide receiver for the Philadelphia Eagles from 1982-1990. He’s a wide reciever, his name is Quick. Works for me.

Scott Speed, Race Car Driver — Speed has raced Formula One, NASCAR Sprint Series, NASCAR Truck Series, and NASCAR Nationwide Series.  No further explanation required.

Colt McCoy, Quarterback — While Colt seems to have lost the starting QB job in Cleveland before training camp has even started, they can’t take away his perfect QB name. And if the whole NFL thing doesn’t work out, his name works for rodeo as well!

Tank Johnson, Defensive Tackle — A 2004 second round pick with the Bears. Has moved around the league and doesn’t appear to be on anyone’s roster at this point. Legal troubles have followed Tank around. But who doesn’t want a tank plugging up holes on the interior of the line?

Rampage Jackson, MMA — I dock points here, because it seems like this is a WWE style name made up by the hype machine.

Marvin Hagler, Boxer — Maybe his name seems like a perfect boxing name because of the Marvelous one. All I know is this, Marvin Hagler just sounds like somebody who is going to pound your face in.

Usain Bolt, Track Champion — World record holder in the 100 meters and the 200 meters from Jamaica. Fastest man on the planet. You might say he’s lightning fast (groan).

Kicky Johnson, Soccer Legend — When Kicky rose to soccer superstardom in the mid-1970′s, the British Press had a field day with his name. Known for once scoring from 90 yards out with a powerful drive, Kicky put Australian soccer on the map. Or he would have, if I didn’t just make him up.

 

 

 

Big Ern

Honorable Mention: These names are great, the were just all made up by Hollywood or Vince McMahon or Vince McMahon’s dad (Vince McMahon). Clubber Lang, boxer; Ernie “Big Ern” McCracken, bowler; the Brooklyn Brawler, wrestler; Killer Kowalski, wrestler; Clu Haywood, baseball; Bump Bailey, baseball.

We undoubtedly missed some. We would love to hear from the gallery on this.

GET THE YARDBARKER APP:
Ios_download En_app_rgb_wo_45
MORE FROM YARDBARKER

Seguin called out by former Maple Leafs CEO for partying

No suspension for Sarkisian was made in best interest of USC

Jim Tomsula disputes report Jarryd Hayne has made 49ers

Report: Brady case judge once vacated CBA violation ruling

Why no. 4 Baylor will and won't win the National Championship

Is D'Angelo Russell in over his head?

LIKE WHAT YOU SEE?
GET THE DAILY NEWSLETTER:

Percy Harvin voices support for Tyrod Taylor

Richardson pleads not guilty to traffic, resisting arrest charges

Andrew Luck tried not to watch Super Bowl, was still ‘salty’

RG3 blames intern for liking Instagram post trashing owner

Former USC linebacker suing school over insurance policy

Report: Fred Jackson expected to sign with Seahawks

Golf News
Delivered to your inbox
You'll also receive Yardbarker's daily Top 10, featuring the best sports stories from around the web. Customize your newsletter to get articles on your favorite sports and teams. And the best part? It's free!

By clicking "Sign Me Up", you have read and agreed to the Fox Sports Digital Privacy Policy and Terms of Use. You can opt out at any time. For more information, please see our Privacy Policy.
the YARDBARKER app
Get it now!
Ios_download En_app_rgb_wo_45

The Opening Drive: Jamal Anderson warns UM fans before heading to Salt Lake City

Best and worst MLB players in August

RG3 blames intern for liking Instagram post trashing owner

Four most surprising roster cuts from NFL teams

Raiders cut Trent Richardson

Caroline Wozniacki smoking cover of ‘Rhapsody’

Everett Golson named FSU's starting QB

Urban Meyer won't announce QB before season

Teammates relieved RG3 was benched?

Five NFL teams that should trade for Robert Griffin III

Today's Best Stuff
For Publishers
Company Info
Help
Follow Yardbarker