Originally written on Brewers Bar  |  Last updated 11/17/14
(Image: Rich Pilling/Getty Images) Now that Donovan Hand has been with the Brewers for about one month, he’s had a chance to endear himself to fans with his unassuming manner and his generally effective pitching.  After his terrific spot start against the Braves this weekend, it’s easy to imagine several fans want to give him a Hand.  (My esteemed colleague Jess Lemont was an early adopter of that line.) Since Donovan has a name with nearly limitless potential for puns, it’s important to use them prudently.  With that in mind, here is an incomplete guide to some scenarios where using a Donovan Hand pun will earn the respect of your peers and the attention of potential mates.  For maximum effect, try to make it sound like you came up with these off the top of your head. (Note: I’ll omit the obvious pun you would use if Donovan does a good job, since it’s kind of, you know, tacky.) Donovan earns a hold: Handstand Donovan comes out of the game mid-inning: Handover Donovan has a rough outing: Handoff Donovan goes on the disabled list: Handout Donovan loses his footing and stumbles off the mound:  Handshake Donovan throws a pitch over 95 mph: Handgun Donovan eats a satisfying meal: Hand-full Donovan goes 4.2 innings but is taken out before he can earn a win: Short-Handed Donovan gains weight in the offseason and needs to diet: Heavy-Handed Donovan is asked a question and answers without hesitation: Sure-Handed Donovan is caught on camera nude while his teammates are giving post-game interviews in the clubhouse: Bare-Handed Donovan has a brother who also ends up pitching for the Brewers: Second Hand Donovan loses effectiveness and is released, but his brother stays: On the other Hand (also Changed Hands) Donovan and his brother bring their families over for a visit: Show of Hands Donovan and his brother both go on the disabled list at the same time: Idle Hands Donovan pitches in four straight games and is unavailable: Brewers overplay their Hand Donovan is traded: Brewers are out of Hand (also Under-Handed) Donovan takes a page from Adam LaRoche’s playbook and cuts the crotch out of his teammates’ underwear while they take batting practice: Sleight of Hand Donovan goes out drinking with Yovani Gallardo and is arrested for public intoxication: Brewers get their Hand dirty Donovan gets a job as a bartender in the offseason, and his teammates come by and generously buy several rounds: Brewers tip their Hand Donovan gives Yuniesky Betancourt a cup of Gatorade and a Zagnut – but Yuni has a defection flashback and inexplicably assaults him, Hannibal Lecter-style: Yuni bites the Hand that feeds Donovan gets married and consummates the union on their wedding night: Going Hand in Hand Donovan tells family and/or friends he’s been optioned: Hand: “Me down” Good thing none of those were tacky!
Ios_download En_app_rgb_wo_45

WATCH: Irving scores career-high 55, hits game winner

FCS star QB considering transferring to Oregon

Gronk on interest in his partying: 'I'm a baller'

Jim Harbaugh looking to flip No. 1 quarterback recruit

Colts' suspension of Richardson voids $3.1 million


Five players replacing the biggest names in Pac-12 for 2015

Report: Broncos hire Phillips as defensive coordinator

LeBron James misses Cavs-Blazers game due to wrist injury

Iceman: Thompson’s 37-point quarter doesn't break his record

Mayweather visited Pacquiao’s hotel room for private meeting

Seahawks GM: Russell Wilson's contract 'presents challenges'

Jimbo Fisher's extension could be worth $44 million

Morris twins investigated for possible assault

Padres are bringing back the brown pinstripes

Phil Jackson's old Knicks teams used to deflate balls

David Blatt: There should be more LeBron MVP talk

Richard Sherman, girlfriend expecting son during SB week

WATCH: Marshawn, Gronk play Mortal Kombat with Conan

Armstrong: I’d use PEDs again under same circumstances

Top five free agent quarterbacks

Report: NFL investigators to consult physicist on Deflategate

5 X-factors for Super Bowl XLIX

Best prop bets about the Super Bowl broadcast

MLB News
Delivered to your inbox
You'll also receive Yardbarker's daily Top 10, featuring the best sports stories from around the web. Customize your newsletter to get articles on your favorite sports and teams. And the best part? It's free!

By clicking "Sign Me Up", you have read and agreed to the Fox Sports Digital Privacy Policy and Terms of Use. You can opt out at any time. For more information, please see our Privacy Policy.
Get it now!
Ios_download En_app_rgb_wo_45

Blatt wants more LeBron MVP talk

Best Super Bowl ads of all-time

5 X-factors for Super Bowl XLIX

Ten worst teams to ever play in a SB

Six MLB teams going all-in on 2015

Patriots' keys to Super Bowl victory

Seahawks' keys to Super Bowl victory

DeflateGate ball could fetch $50K

Doug Baldwin ready for Revis Island

Top storylines for Super Bowl XLIX

Barnes unhappy with NBA over fine

Does MLB need more offense in the modern game?

Today's Best Stuff
For Bloggers

Join the Yardbarker Network for more promotion, traffic, and money.

Company Info
What is Yardbarker?

Yardbarker is the largest network of sports blogs and pro athlete blogs on the web. This site is the hub of the Yardbarker Network, where our editors and algorithms curate the best sports content from our network and beyond.