Originally posted on Brewers Bar  |  Last updated 6/24/13
(Image: Rich Pilling/Getty Images) Now that Donovan Hand has been with the Brewers for about one month, he’s had a chance to endear himself to fans with his unassuming manner and his generally effective pitching.  After his terrific spot start against the Braves this weekend, it’s easy to imagine several fans want to give him a Hand.  (My esteemed colleague Jess Lemont was an early adopter of that line.) Since Donovan has a name with nearly limitless potential for puns, it’s important to use them prudently.  With that in mind, here is an incomplete guide to some scenarios where using a Donovan Hand pun will earn the respect of your peers and the attention of potential mates.  For maximum effect, try to make it sound like you came up with these off the top of your head. (Note: I’ll omit the obvious pun you would use if Donovan does a good job, since it’s kind of, you know, tacky.) Donovan earns a hold: Handstand Donovan comes out of the game mid-inning: Handover Donovan has a rough outing: Handoff Donovan goes on the disabled list: Handout Donovan loses his footing and stumbles off the mound:  Handshake Donovan throws a pitch over 95 mph: Handgun Donovan eats a satisfying meal: Hand-full Donovan goes 4.2 innings but is taken out before he can earn a win: Short-Handed Donovan gains weight in the offseason and needs to diet: Heavy-Handed Donovan is asked a question and answers without hesitation: Sure-Handed Donovan is caught on camera nude while his teammates are giving post-game interviews in the clubhouse: Bare-Handed Donovan has a brother who also ends up pitching for the Brewers: Second Hand Donovan loses effectiveness and is released, but his brother stays: On the other Hand (also Changed Hands) Donovan and his brother bring their families over for a visit: Show of Hands Donovan and his brother both go on the disabled list at the same time: Idle Hands Donovan pitches in four straight games and is unavailable: Brewers overplay their Hand Donovan is traded: Brewers are out of Hand (also Under-Handed) Donovan takes a page from Adam LaRoche’s playbook and cuts the crotch out of his teammates’ underwear while they take batting practice: Sleight of Hand Donovan goes out drinking with Yovani Gallardo and is arrested for public intoxication: Brewers get their Hand dirty Donovan gets a job as a bartender in the offseason, and his teammates come by and generously buy several rounds: Brewers tip their Hand Donovan gives Yuniesky Betancourt a cup of Gatorade and a Zagnut – but Yuni has a defection flashback and inexplicably assaults him, Hannibal Lecter-style: Yuni bites the Hand that feeds Donovan gets married and consummates the union on their wedding night: Going Hand in Hand Donovan tells family and/or friends he’s been optioned: Hand: “Me down” Good thing none of those were tacky!
MORE FROM YARDBARKER

Jerry Richardson selling Carolina Panthers amid investigation

Roy Williams honored late Pat Summitt during game at Tennessee

Burfict responds to Smith-Schuster's TD celebration

Antonio Brown taken to hospital for further evaluation

Cam Newton offers support for Panthers owner

LIKE WHAT YOU SEE?
GET THE DAILY NEWSLETTER:

Captain Munnerlyn calls benching ‘slap in the face’

Report: Jerry Richardson would ask to shave women’s legs

Twitter reacts to Thomas Davis' dirty hit on Davante Adams

Randall Cobb splits defenders with sick move on catch-and-run TD

Eli Manning's two TDs against Eagles vault Manning family to 1,000 TDs in regular season

Stephen Strasburg says he may skip future All-Star games due to injury concerns

Top takeaways from NFL Week 15

Sports & Politics Intersect: Mr. Jones goes to Washington

The 'It's the most wonderful bowl of the year' quiz

NHL Weekender: Bolts keep striking, Preds on the hunt

Chargers are the AFC team no one wants to play in January

Donald Trump's quotes vs. the sports world in 2017

Five MLB teams that should trade for Manny Machado

The 'It's always chilly in Indiana' quiz

NFL puts safety entirely on players, again

Eight NFL teams who simply need to start over

Most important player on every team in each bowl matchup

NFL Week 15 Predictions

MLB News
Delivered to your inbox
You'll also receive Yardbarker's daily Top 10, featuring the best sports stories from around the web. Customize your newsletter to get articles on your favorite sports and teams. And the best part? It's free!

By clicking "Sign Me Up", you have read and agreed to the Yardbarker Privacy Policy and Terms of Service. You can opt out at any time. For more information, please see our Privacy Policy.

Sports & Politics Intersect: Mr. Jones goes to Washington

NHL Weekender: Bolts keep striking, Preds on the hunt

The 'It's the most wonderful bowl of the year' quiz

Donald Trump's quotes vs. the sports world in 2017

Chargers are the AFC team no one wants to play in January

The 'It's always chilly in Indiana' quiz

NFL puts safety entirely on players, again

Most important player on every team in each bowl matchup

NFL Week 15 Predictions

NBA Referee Hotline Bling: Boogie, Z-Bo reach out and punch someone

Today's Best Stuff
For Publishers
Company Info
Help
Follow Yardbarker