Originally posted on Brewers Bar  |  Last updated 6/24/13
(Image: Rich Pilling/Getty Images) Now that Donovan Hand has been with the Brewers for about one month, he’s had a chance to endear himself to fans with his unassuming manner and his generally effective pitching.  After his terrific spot start against the Braves this weekend, it’s easy to imagine several fans want to give him a Hand.  (My esteemed colleague Jess Lemont was an early adopter of that line.) Since Donovan has a name with nearly limitless potential for puns, it’s important to use them prudently.  With that in mind, here is an incomplete guide to some scenarios where using a Donovan Hand pun will earn the respect of your peers and the attention of potential mates.  For maximum effect, try to make it sound like you came up with these off the top of your head. (Note: I’ll omit the obvious pun you would use if Donovan does a good job, since it’s kind of, you know, tacky.) Donovan earns a hold: Handstand Donovan comes out of the game mid-inning: Handover Donovan has a rough outing: Handoff Donovan goes on the disabled list: Handout Donovan loses his footing and stumbles off the mound:  Handshake Donovan throws a pitch over 95 mph: Handgun Donovan eats a satisfying meal: Hand-full Donovan goes 4.2 innings but is taken out before he can earn a win: Short-Handed Donovan gains weight in the offseason and needs to diet: Heavy-Handed Donovan is asked a question and answers without hesitation: Sure-Handed Donovan is caught on camera nude while his teammates are giving post-game interviews in the clubhouse: Bare-Handed Donovan has a brother who also ends up pitching for the Brewers: Second Hand Donovan loses effectiveness and is released, but his brother stays: On the other Hand (also Changed Hands) Donovan and his brother bring their families over for a visit: Show of Hands Donovan and his brother both go on the disabled list at the same time: Idle Hands Donovan pitches in four straight games and is unavailable: Brewers overplay their Hand Donovan is traded: Brewers are out of Hand (also Under-Handed) Donovan takes a page from Adam LaRoche’s playbook and cuts the crotch out of his teammates’ underwear while they take batting practice: Sleight of Hand Donovan goes out drinking with Yovani Gallardo and is arrested for public intoxication: Brewers get their Hand dirty Donovan gets a job as a bartender in the offseason, and his teammates come by and generously buy several rounds: Brewers tip their Hand Donovan gives Yuniesky Betancourt a cup of Gatorade and a Zagnut – but Yuni has a defection flashback and inexplicably assaults him, Hannibal Lecter-style: Yuni bites the Hand that feeds Donovan gets married and consummates the union on their wedding night: Going Hand in Hand Donovan tells family and/or friends he’s been optioned: Hand: “Me down” Good thing none of those were tacky!
GET THE YARDBARKER APP:
Ios_download En_app_rgb_wo_45
MORE FROM YARDBARKER

Pierre-Paul won't need to wear club on hand this season

Report: Four cities remain in contention to host 2017 NBA ASG

Doc Rivers: Clippers have plan to let Paul Pierce retire as a Celtic

Another young 49er, Kaleb Ramsey, retires from NFL

Saints GM: Drew Brees’ contract situation is not a ‘distraction’

LIKE WHAT YOU SEE?
GET THE DAILY NEWSLETTER:

Tim Tebow: ‘I’m in the best shape I’ve ever been in’

Olympic athletes warned about Rio's 'human crap' waters

T.J. Ward: Broncos defense doesn’t care who’s playing QB

Tokyo already dealing with rising costs for 2020 Olympics

Bears first-round pick Leonard Floyd carted off practice field

Report: Bills and Tyrod Taylor continue to talk extension

Diamondbacks nearing Daniel Hudson trade

Amar'e Stoudemire's presence (and absence) changed the NBA

What would George Costanza have traded to get Bonds and Griffey?

Gabby Douglas can make USA Gymnastics history at Olympics

Week 3 will determine the Big Ten's reputation this season

Cam Talbot thinks the Oilers are close to making the playoffs

The new era of WWE SmackDown has liftoff

Vlade Divac: Cousins ‘most dominant player in the world’

Wild offer to make Prince's 'Let's Go Crazy' new goal song

Canucks don't dismiss acquiring player with past issues

Kareem Abdul-Jabbar ordered to pay $900K to auction house

Six potential landing spots for Nick Foles

MLB News
Delivered to your inbox
You'll also receive Yardbarker's daily Top 10, featuring the best sports stories from around the web. Customize your newsletter to get articles on your favorite sports and teams. And the best part? It's free!

By clicking "Sign Me Up", you have read and agreed to the Fox Sports Digital Privacy Policy and Terms of Use. You can opt out at any time. For more information, please see our Privacy Policy.
the YARDBARKER app
Get it now!
Ios_download En_app_rgb_wo_45

Amar'e Stoudemire's presence (and absence) changed the NBA

We asked Team USA: What other Olympic sport would you play?

Why Gary Bettman's CTE denial is cause for concern for NHL

WATCH: Inside the Nike SNKRS BOX in SF for Golden Air Celebration

WATCH: Five other uniforms Chris Sale should cut up

QUIZ: Name every Olympic event in which the USA has never won a gold medal

Five U.S. Olympians favored to win multiple gold medals

WATCH: What teams should join the Big 12?

One Gotta Go: Do NBA players really love NBA2K?

One Gotta Go: NBA players hate Facebook too

Today's Best Stuff
For Publishers
Company Info
Help
Follow Yardbarker