Found July 29, 2012 on Comedic Prose:

After the Cleveland Indians won last week’s series against the Detroit Tigers, not only did Cleveland fans think they could make a run at the A.L. Wildcard. They also thought that they could win the division.

While I watched them play I couldn’t help but think, “Maybe this young team has found a way to get it done. Perhaps they have an effective starting pitcher that can throw a ball over the plate without it being taken deep?” After watching the Indians get smashed at home this weekend against the Minnesota Twins (Justin Morneau style), those assertions sounds ridiculous. In actually the Indians are probably a mediocre team that managed to squeak out two games against and underachieving Tigers squad.

It may be time to pull out the fork for the Cleveland Indians. I say “May” because they’re only five games back with about 60 games left to play. However if you been watching this team it would be wise to at least open the knife drawer, and start deciding which one you want to use.

If the Indians don’t start playing better in the next 2 weeks, it’s over. I feel like they have a sufficient offense to make a run in their division, but they a lacking reliable starting pitching.

Earlier this year, I wrote that I wanted Justin Masterson sent to Uzbekistan and Josh Tomlin to be sent to a minor league intermural team in Toledo. Now I would like to amend my position. I want Masterson on a Pontoon boat in the Atlantic, and I want Tomlin to stop pitching for the rest of his life’ because clearly he’s no good. I don’t know how you consistently stink, but still keep your job. Even José Mesa thinks this guy has a long leash. Maybe Tomlin can partner up with Rick Ankiel and he can teach him how to play center field.

One bright spot for the Indians rotation has been Zach McAllister. After being called up to the Majors he has shown that he has the skills needed to stay. It is yet to be seen if he’s worthy of the middle of the rotation or if he will come out of the bullpen. It’s hard to tell after only 10 starts. We’ll see what happens once hitters have tape on him. At that time I will reevaluate my position. I may ditch every good thing I said about him at the beginning of this paragraph and make him the captain of The “Pitchers that can’t seem to get an out” Pontoon boat.

Unless the Indians completely implode in the next two weeks, one would have to say that they’re having an impressive season. They are a young team that has been competitive despite glaring disadvantages. However, that won’t stop me from grabbing the fork and holding it over my head (“Hacksaw” Jim Duggan style), while I scream profanities at the pitcher.

 

See you in a couple of weeks.

 

Kortney Shane Williams

Editor-in-Chief of Comedic Prose

Follow Kortney Williams on Twitter @kortneyshane

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