Originally posted on The Sports Bank  |  Last updated 7/26/13
Mlb-brewers-cubs-apr
The New York Yankees have traded for Alfonso Soriano. Whatever the Chicago Cubs get back in return it’s worth it. According to multiple sources, the Cubs have sent Alfonso Soriano to the Yankees. They will reportedly pitch in a large portion of the remaining $24.9 million Soriano is owed in return for a mid-level prospect. Take the bimbo here who seems to be his mistress too. In 2008, I attended a Chicago Cubs home game on a first date with a young woman who revealed early in the game that she was good friends with Alfonso Soriano. I thought maybe she was just playing the “oh, look at what famous athletes are interested in me, doesn’t that really impress you?” card. For some odd reason, extremely insecure and shallow women love to run this trick play against me; as if it would actually work? LOL! Sadly, this group of women actually includes some female “journalists” I know. Back to Alfonso Soriano girl, she had his bank pin number and showed me some Facebook photos with him. I still have a fan photo with her in my inbox, as well as her name. I won’t publish it right here, right now though. I could be persuaded to give both to you, perhaps. Or at least let you see it. Maybe. Coincidentally, our date happened to be the exact same one in which Sori got hit by a pitch, injured and placed on IR for 6 weeks. Therefore, my “date” was right there at his every beck and call that evening. She was his date, or his subordinate. “Oh, who will drive his car home? He’s got a broken hand!” She said. Well, you stupid bimbo, he has the richest contract in Cubs history, I think they can find a lowly intern to do it for him. “Oh, but he doesn’t speak English that well, I’m one of the few people here he can trust,” she said. Right, you’re so trust-worthy. One of the first things when I met you was “I hate the Cubs, I’m a Cardinals fan.” You hate the Cubs so much that you’re “close friends” and likely something more with the Cubs Left-fielder. And like too many white girls in their 20s and 30s, she was a big time drunk who hates her job. Remember, my story is 100% true as told here. I remember it vividly. I’m a first hand witness/reliable source. I would pay much more money to see Alfonso Ribeiro than Alfonso Soriano; doing anything.  Alfonso Abraham Lincoln Ribeiro (yes, that really is his name) or Carlton Banks from “Fresh Prince of Bel-Air” might have been enough to redeem any time I have to watch Alfonso Soriano in a Cubs uniform. Can the Yankees send Alfonso Ribeiro back in return? Alfonso Soriano is the poster child for the Cubs teardown. Just like Adam Dunn is emblematic of the impending White Sox teardown. Pull the trigger Yankees, get this thing done! Paul M. Banks is the owner of The Sports Bank.net, a Fox Sports affiliate. He also is an analyst for 95.7 The Fan, and writes on Chicago sports media for Chicago Now. President Barack Obama follows him on Twitter (@PaulMBanks), like him on Facebook The post Cubs TRADE Alfonso Soriano, please trade bimbo claiming to be his mistress too appeared first on The Sports Bank.Net.
MORE FROM YARDBARKER:
Is Madison Bumgarner a bully?
GET THE YARDBARKER APP:
Ios_download En_app_rgb_wo_45
MORE FROM YARDBARKER

Sixers rookie Ben Simmons has fracture in foot

Olympic wrestler turned ISIS recruit killed in U.S. drone strike

Report: Jamaal Charles to play Sunday against Steelers

Dez Bryant says he will not play Sunday against 49ers

Bill O’Brien officially rules J.J. Watt out for season

LIKE WHAT YOU SEE?
GET THE DAILY NEWSLETTER:

Report: Eric Decker out Sunday with partial tear in rotator cuff

Report: Browns planning to part ways with Josh Gordon

Noah skips dinner at West Point because he's anti-war

Giants could use wide receiver at safety against Vikings

Ryan Tannehill does not mince words regarding offense

Russell Wilson on playing Sunday against Jets: ‘No doubt’

WATCH: Is it time for the Jaguars to fire Gus Bradley?

Combing through the crowded 2016 MLB MVP races

The Blue Jays and the meaning of a late season freefall

CFB Crash Course: Week 5 - Less one Les

Box Score: 9/30 - Dolphins, Popovich and MLB umps

Seven most absurd stats heading into NFL Week 4

Antonio Brown to honor Arnold Palmer with custom cleats

The best and worst from the 2016 World Cup of Hockey

Players Jurgen Klinsmann may call up for USMNT friendlies

Byron Scott has no relationship with D’Angelo Russell

Steve Kerr favors shorter NBA preseason to limit back-to-backs

Flaws of MLB replay system exposed in Cardinals’ victory

MLB News
Delivered to your inbox
You'll also receive Yardbarker's daily Top 10, featuring the best sports stories from around the web. Customize your newsletter to get articles on your favorite sports and teams. And the best part? It's free!

By clicking "Sign Me Up", you have read and agreed to the Fox Sports Digital Privacy Policy and Terms of Use. You can opt out at any time. For more information, please see our Privacy Policy.
the YARDBARKER app
Get it now!
Ios_download En_app_rgb_wo_45

WATCH: Is it time for the Jaguars to fire Gus Bradley?

Combing through the crowded 2016 MLB MVP races

The Blue Jays and the meaning of a late season freefall

CFB Crash Course: Week 5 - Less one Les

NBA winners and losers: Gregg Popovich as a voice of reason

WATCH: Will LSU have to sell its soul to find its next head coach?

The clubhouse leaders for MLB Rookies of the Year

Goodbye, Ted: 20 years of highs and lows at Turner Field

Forza Horizon 3 review: Going Top Gear

NFL Kickoff Week 4: Guess what? The NFL is dying again

Today's Best Stuff
For Publishers
Company Info
Help
Follow Yardbarker