Found August 23, 2012 on It's Always Sunny in Detroit:
PLAYERS: Denard Span
TEAMS: Minnesota Twins
82

Photo of Denard Span

Minnesota Twins outfielder Denard Span missed his tenth straight game because of a shoulder injury.  He was able to take batting practice Tuesday, but was not healthy enough to lace them up Tuesday or Wednesday.  The frustrating part for the Twins – they don’t know what’s wrong with Span.  I’m no doctor, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night, so I know that medical tests are beyond belief these days.  Someone can lay in a tube for an hour and doctors can tell what’s wrong with him.  It’s nuts.

That’s where the rub lies with Span.  He’s too claustrophobic to lay inside an MRI machine for 35 minutes.

“I don’t know what else to say. It’s embarrassing that I couldn’t get it done today, but bottom line, I stayed there for an hour trying to get it done. Just couldn’t do it, man. I tried my best. When they strapped me in there and told me I couldn’t move for 35 minutes, I just couldn’t do it. I didn’t have enough Valium.”

I guess this just goes to show you that professional athletes are people too.  It also shows you that doctors aren’t smart enough to build an MRI room where people can do their every day activities while getting tested.  You know, give Span a couch, an Xbox and maybe a cold Zima (hey, I don’t know) and that magnetic resonance image would have been done days ago.

What’s up now, doc?

Hardball Talk 

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