Detention Lecture: Your 2011 Cleveland Indians

As the regular season winds down, 22 teams are facing an offseason filled with golf rounds and hot-stove strategery. But we're not going to let them get off that easy. No sir. No way. In an attempt to bring some closure between franchise and follower, we're giving a blogger from each team the opportunity to detain their squads for the equivalent of a Saturday morning detention stay. Up next in our series is Vince Grzegorek, our princely Polish pal from Scene Magazine. He had been looking forward to taking Drew Pomeranz and Alex White out for hamburgers and duck fat fries. Well, well. Here we are. I would congratulate you on being on time, but you're not -- I expected you in June, but whatever. It is now mid-September, and you have exactly six months to think about why you are here -- to ponder the error of your ways. Who stabbed Travis Hafner with the protractor? We'll start there. And why did you stab him three times? Just mean-spirited. And who thought it'd ...