Where the hell has this picture been all my life?
I loved Dwight Gooden growing up. He was easily the most talented pitcher I had ever seen. He then ruined his career with coke (seriously Damon Wayans character in The Last Boy Scout - which is an awesome awesome movie and if you disagree I will find you and kick you in your balls - was the football version of this guy) and has had some well-publicized battles with drugs. Now he's battled back to be on twitter. Naturally I follow him. He is a Yankee fan. Based on his tweets last night he has a fool proof, 3-point plan to restore the Yankees to glory:
1. Sign Jose Reyes.
2. Trade A.J. Burnett for Jason Bay.
3. Trade the team's top 4 prospects for Felix Hernandez.
Everything about this made me laugh. Just, very quickly:
1. Reyes would actually be perfect for this team - except they signed Jeter to that extension and are still on the hook for $33 million the next two seasons. Reyes isn't going to play 2b with Cano there, and you can't give up on A-Rod after one sub-par season when he's still owed $133 million through 2017 (note: Holy ******* ****! I'm giggling over here.). They only way they're signing Reyes is if they can move Jeter or A-Rod, and they have about as much a chance of that as trading A.J. Burnett.
2. Oh. Right. Trading Burnett was leg 2. It actually makes sense to bring up Bay here, since the Mets are one of the few teams who would at least consider trading for Burnett if it meant they could shed Bay. Both are owed in the low $30 million range for 2 years left each, but Burnett has been awful for 2 years and will be 35 next season, while Bay is two years younger and has more battled injuries than been terrible, and his last full season, although coming two seasons ago, was an awfully good one. In short, this is the kind of trade that I totally get why a Yankee fan would try to sell as realistic, but it really isn't.
3. I don't even care who the other three guys are, you don't trade Jesus. Judas tried that **** and he's now Hitler's love slave, but there's a whole lot of dumb in this idea. The Yankees are getting old. Cano and Brett Gardner were the only regulars under the age of 30 this season, and I'm not sure I'd count on Gardner as a fixture in the outfield. Hughesy and Nova are their only starters under 30. They're old, and right on cue they've actually started developing some young talent - Montero and Cano are studs. There's some good pitching prospects in the pipeline, and they've got a lot of positions covered. They're in good shape. But Gooden's plan is to abandon that and gut the system for one guy - a great pitcher, yes, but yeah no.
In short, I freaking love crazy Dwight Gooden. That is all.
Trade me again and I'll kill you (NOTE: that doesn't really make sense but I really wanted to use this picture)