Originally written on Larry Brown Sports  |  Last updated 3/28/12

Mets knuckleball pitcher R.A. Dickey has a memoir coming out, and in it he details some of the darkest moments of his life — being sexually abused as a child and later contemplating suicide as an adult after cheating on his wife.

The book, entitled “Wherever I Wind Up: My Quest for Truth, Authenticity and the Perfect Knuckleball,” is co-written by the New York Daily News’ Wayne Coffey and comes out Thursday. On Tuesday, Sports Illustrated released a few excerpts, including one about a 13-year-old babysitter sexually molesting him when he was 8:

The babysitter chucks the pillows and stuffed animals out of the way. She looks at me and says, Get in the bed.

I am confused and afraid. I am trembling.

The babysitter has her way with me four or five more times that summer, and into the fall, and each time feels more wicked than the time before. Every time that I know I’m going back over there, the sweat starts to come back. I sit in the front seat of the car, next to my mother, anxiety surging. I never tell her why I am so afraid. I never tell anyone until I am 31 years old.

Dickey, 37, also writes about another instance where he was molested by a 17-year-old boy and how in the winter of 2005-2006 he, filled with guilt and grief after cheating on his wife, considered ending his life.

“I betrayed my wife and there are not words that can adequately convey the guilt I felt for hurting the person who has given me so much love, who I share my life with,” Dickey told the Daily News. He says he was able to get over the anguish thanks to counseling and therapy and the forgiveness and unwavering support of his wife and kids.

While the book deals with serious demons he has faced in his childhood in Tennessee and playing career, Dickey actually thinks the overall tone is positive. No matter, he’s not concerned with whatever reaction the public will have.

“I hope that on some level that people will respect my honesty, and I would like to believe they will,” he said.

H/T Eye on Baseball
Photo credit: Brad Barr-US PRESSWIRE

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