Originally posted on Razzball  |  Last updated 4/27/12

Jarrod Saltalamacchia went fickin’ deep twice in the Red Sox win.  That’s 4 HRs on the year.  Where the fick did that #*?& come from?  Well, he did have 16 HRs in only 386 ABs last year so it shouldn’t be that much of a g***d*mn surprise.  Assuming this &*#*head stays healthy, he’s a solid bet for 20 HRs.  Now that I’m done blowing smoke up his a$$, here’s the bad part.  Salty’s batting average last year was .235 last year (a .288 OBP) driven by a 30% K rate.  He’s only K’ing at a 20% rate right now which could get him in the .250 range but I fickin’ doubt he’ll keep that up.  Consider him a tomato/tomahto with JP Arencibia and Russell Martin as a low-rung catcher solution in shallow leagues.  In other news….

Santiago Casilla – It seems like the Giants closer job has been in auditions since Brian Wilson exited stage left.  You’d have to think striking out Cozart-Stubbs-Votto to close out a one-run lead has got to help Casilla’s chances for the part.  Now he just needs to grow out the beard.

Heath Bell - There are ugly blown saves where the closer gives up a handful of runs via hits.  Those suck.  But is there anything more infuriating as a fan or a fantasy owner when a closer does this:  BB, Out, BB, BB, BB, Out, GW Single.  He should have to pay Carlos Marmol or Mitch Williams royalties for that outing.

Jordan Walden - He finally gets his 2nd save opportunity of the year in the 19th game of the season and……he gets taken deep by BrAAAAndon AAAAllen.  Things aren’t going so well in Los Angeheim – maybe Moreno should’ve loosened the purse strings and spent a few bucks in free agency to improve the team.

Huston Street - He finally gets his 2nd save opportunity of the year in the 19th game of the season and…..he gets the save.  You can’t beat Huston Street – you can only hope he gets injured before the 3rd out.

Mark Trumbo - Another start in the OF for Trumbo and another good day at the plate with a double, HR and 2 RBI.  He also managed no errors as the ground balls tend to be a little slower by the time they get to the outfielder.  If you prefer pop music references to sarcasm, he prefers ‘Your Love’ over ‘Pop Goes The Weasel’.

Sean Marshall - Red fans are going to have a hard time forgetting Sean Marshall after being forced to watch the Giants deflower him with 3 earned runs.  He’s safe for now because Dusty Baker prefers Chapman pitch between the starter and reliever as it reminds him of Cuban sandwiches.

Ricky Nolasco - Now that Nolasco has been spit out of the sleeper hype machine, he is proving to be a reliable 6th SP in shallow leagues.  He’s now at 25 innings with a 3.20 ERA and about a 1.20 WHIP with 17 Ks.  Doesn’t hurt he pitches at the Crayola Canyon half the time either.

Jay  Bruce - Broke his 15 game HR drought with a 2-run HR as part of a 3-for-4 game.  Now if he could only get Votto to switch some of his doubles (7) for HRs (1) – maybe Joey has to just let Bruce finish his advice on how many total bases he should aim for in his ABs – one, two…one, two, three, four!

Gaby Sanchez - HRs on the day after I dropped him from my HR-deprived RCL team for Addison Reed (my team has 5 more HRs than Kemp).  He’s barely tolerable in deep leagues but doesn’t warrant ownership in shallow leagues given his home park and combo of middling average and power.  Pretty first name though.

Matt Moore - Somewhat promising start at home against the (fallen) Angels – 5 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 6 K, 7 baserunners.  His BBs have gone down by one each start from 5 to 2.  Bet you he can’t run that streak to seven starts.

Eric Hosmer – Brutal day in the Royals win – 0-for-5 with 6 LOB.  His AVG is now down to .211.  I say all this not to depress Hosmer owners but to excite the rest of you who might be able to buy low.  His BABIP is near .200 (as you may know by looking at our handy tool) – once that rebounds, you’re looking at a near .300 hitter with solid power and great speed for his position.

Danny Duffy - Getting skipped in the rotation due to elbow tightness and as a way to limit his innings this year.  So anxious Huff on Wednesday….cautious Duffy on Thursday….I predict nauseous Plouffe on Friday.

Brandon Inge - Bad news for those of you in 36 team mixed leagues…The Tigers release Brandon Inge (didn’t they do that last year too).  He’ll now focus his time on auditions for football movies and TV shows.

Edinson Volquez - 7 IP, 7 Ks, 1 ER and…wha?…1 BB?  Volquez was an intriguing 5th/6th SP option because of his K potential and new home park.   He’s had awful control for recent years and seems to chew through 100 pitches in 5 innings.  If you do pick him up, here’s some advice.  Don’t watch him.  I’d say, “You’ll thank me” but if you watch him, you’ll just say “You were right” and if you don’t, you won’t know enough to thank me.  Damn idioms.

Angel Pagan - The Theological Oxymoron delivered the big blow against Cincinnati with a 3-run HR in the 9th.  The 3 HRs are nice but where’s the SBs (1 so far).  Sometimes I want to hire Joe Pesci to inspire SAGNOFs to steal more – dance Spider dance!

Adam Jones - HR #6.  Matt Temp is still alive.  Too bad Nick Markakis is like Josh Hamiltoe.

Brian Matusz - Finally a decent start from Matusz (6 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 3 Ks).  I’d totally pick him up….if he pitched in San Diego or Miami.

Charlie Furbush – Okay, this one is for AL-only and really deep leagues.  Stash Furbush like you were picturing Grey in a 70′s porn movie of the same title.  Seattle has three starters (Noesi, Beavan, Millwood) that are far from sure things.  Furbush has shown 10+ K/9 rates in the minors and I think he gets next shot if/when one gets dropped from the rotation as 1) Eric Wedge doesn’t seem to like Iwakuma and 2) The Mariners don’t have any quality arms in AAA (they’re AA is AWESOME – you’ll be seeing Danny Hultzen and Tijuan Walker at some point this season.)

Philip Humber - 5 IP, 9 ER, 11 baserunners in a less than perfect follow-up to his perfect game.  He was doing fine until he walked the first batter and was rusty pitching out of the stretch.

Kevin Youkilis – 3 for 4 with a grand slam.  Valentine – you magnificent inspirer!

And, like Bobby Valentine exclaimed on one fateful day in Stamford, CT…..that’s a wrap!


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