Found June 09, 2012 on
The Seattle Mariners tossed a six man no-hitter. That’s right, a six man no-hitter. I didn’t even know there was such a thing. I thought after the first pitcher was out, it was over. I didn’t know you could combine player stats. Someone should have told the New York Mets a week ago, because I’m sure they would have pulled Johan Santana. Instead of letting him go bionic man, and throw his arm off for the sake of history. So credit the Seattle Mariners on reading the fine print on the qualifications of a no-hitter. Thanks to that clause, Jun 8th 2012 will be known as the day the Seattle Mariners hit bottom.
The Mariners made history, but not the type of history you want to make. A six man no-hitter is an indictment not an accomplishment. It should be viewed the same way as John Daly golfing shirtless, or Mike Tyson going bath salts on Evander Holyfield’s ear. So for all the Mariners fans that were celebrating, you look like dopes. Slip your Birkenstocks back on and walk with your head down to your Subaru. You don’t celebrate mediocrity, unless it’s Detlef Schrempf of course.
You know you’re at bottom as a sports franchise, when you’re being celebrated for your futility (Chicago Cubs style). Hitting bottom can be great for a fan base, because it forces your franchise to make changes. After the Seattle Mariners’ showing, no one can deny their problems. First off, they don’t have quality arms in the bullpen, and before Mariner fans point out the number of pitchers that didn’t give up a hit. Consider that fact that it took six pitchers, to not give up a run. If that’s your recipe for successful pitching, you might want to start scouting beer league softball games for some extra arms. The hitting is also awful. They scored a single run, which can be seen as an admiration. However, I’ve had the pleasure of watching Justin Smoak swing and miss for 3 months. So the idea that that is happenstance is ridiculous. The reality is that the Seattle doesn’t have a single hitter in their lineup to be feared. Ichiro Suzuki is a great singles hitter, but singles are only scary when runners are in scoring position.
The Seattle Mariners need to be fixed, and the bottom is a good place to start.
They have some great pieces, but 80% of their roster is a Triple-A team. In order to win big they have to change their roster. If they don’t, there will be a lot of six man no-hitters to come.
Kortney Shane Williams
Editor-in-Chief of Comedic Prose
Follow Kortney Williams on Twitter @kortneyshane
BEST OF MAXIM
SANTANA: Didn't have it.
There’s a lot of reasons to like Terry Collins, and falling on the sword last night for Johan Santana’s bad outing is another one of them. Collins lamented all week of running up Santana’s pitch count.
He did it again after the Yankees shelled Santana last night, saying all those home runs was the result of rust.
“I am responsible for the way...
One week after Johan Santana threw the first no-hitter in franchise history, it was the Mets who found themselves in danger of being no-hit. Santana struggled mightily in his encore start at Yankee Stadium, serving up back-to-back-to-back home runs in the third inning Friday and four homers total during a 9-1 loss to the Yankees. Santana appeared to pick up right where he left...
Johan Santana made history the last time he took the mound.
A win over the New York Yankees might be satisfying enough this time.
Coming off the first no-hitter in the history of the New York Mets, Santana will be well-rested when he takes the mound at Yankee Stadium on Friday night for the first installment of the 2012 Subway Series.
Santana (3-2, 2.38 ERA) cemented his status...
NEW YORK -- Only a few innings in, the question for Johan Santana became not how many hits he would give up, but how many home runs. The buzz from Santana throwing the first no-hitter in New York Mets history last Friday ended with a thud Friday night in the Subway Series opener at Yankee Stadium. The New York Yankees slammed him back to reality in a 9-1 win as Robinson Cano...
There were more games than most Thursday's last night, but it remained a rather uneventful evening. The biggest news may be that Aroldis Chapman will not go the whole season without giving up a run. The Reds lefty finally gave up an earned run in his 30th inning of work this season, raising his ERA to 0.30. It was one of those nights when you could get concerned when you looked...
The Mets were taken down a peg last night by the Yankees in an embarrassing performance by Johan Santana and his mates.
Tonight the Mets look for revenge as Dillion Gee opposes Phil Hughes.
Once again Lucas Duda will DH and Captain Kirk will patrol RF, as the injured Omar Quintanilla will start at SS.
Last night's game isn't as cataclysmic as the sports papers and...
The natural story line for this game would be Subway Series, is Interleague play relevant, last actual event of interleague play, blah blah. However, today the story line is Johan Santana. Eight days ago Johan made history as he became the first pitcher in Mets history to throw a no-hitter and raise the spirits of queens. On a week’s rest after throwing more pitches than he has...
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New York Mets 1 — New York Yankees 9
The Yankees put a pounding on recent no-hit pitcher, Johan Santana...
TEAMWORK, PASS IT ON
Six Mariners pitchers combined on a no-hitter of the Dodgers during a 1-0 win in Interleague play. The team's starter got hurt.
NEW YORK -- Only a few innings in, the question for Johan Santana became not how many hits he would give up, but how many home runs. Robinson Cano homered twice, and combined with Nick Swisher and Andruw Jones for three straight homers in the third inning as the New York Yankees thrashed Santana and the New York Mets, 9-1, Friday night at Yankee Stadium. To further humble Santana...
An odd thing has happened this year - though perhaps it happens every year: pitchers who were former (or prospective) aces, but recently left for dead, have recaptured their form for stretches of varying lengths. Consider Jake Peavy and Johan Santana - two former Cy Young Award winners you could have drafted in the later rounds. Santana - even after being shelled by the Yankees ...
Johan Santana was the toast of the town for the past week after throwing the New York Mets' first no-hitter in franchise history. On Friday night, Yankees right-hander Hiroki Kuroda flirted with New York's second no-no in seven days. Kuroda carried a no-hitter for 5 2/3 innings before Mets shortstop Omar Quintanilla broke up the bid for history with a double to left-center...
Girardi & Collins - 06-08-2012
Before the Yankees 9-1 blowout of the Mets in the first game of the Subway Series, I had the opportunity to meet the both New York skippers at a Dunkin Donuts promotional event at The Stadium.
Joe Girardi and Terry Collins were all smiles but my guess is the Mets skipper is not so happy after the Bombers took batting practice on his ace Johan Santana...
There was only one positive thing about attending another Met game with Squawker Lisa that ended in a shambles for my team. Lisa spent two innings on a long, slow-moving drink line because she wanted to check out the Malibu party deck and got back to our seats in the top of the sixth. She looked at the scoreboard and said, "Holy bleep, it's still a no-hitter!" On the...
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RHP Hiroki Kuroda (4-6, 3.82 ERA)
LHP Johan Santana (3-2, 2.38 ERA)
7:05 p.m., MY9 and MLB Network
RHP Phil Hughes (5-5, 4.96 ERA)