Originally written on The Slanch Report  |  Last updated 11/13/14

Sometimes The Onion just gets it so right that you have to post an entire article from them. This is one of those occasions. ******* BRILLIANT.
Kevin Youkilis Takes Out Full-Page Ad In 'Juggs' To Thank All The Trim In Boston BOSTON—Former Red Sox infielder Kevin Youkilis took out a full-page advertisement in Juggs on Monday thanking "all the trim in Boston" for being "the absolute greatest cooch in the world." "Dear Gash of Boston: For the past eight years, I have loved every minute I spent dipping my wick inside hot, wet snatch from Braintree to Cambridge and pounding that puss like crazy," the ad, which featured text wrapped around an image of Youkilis flicking his tongue between his index and middle fingers, read in part. "I will always cherish the time I spent deep-dicking your slits and tonguing your clits. Thank you from the bottom of my rock-hard ****, Kevin Youkilis, 69." Youkilis, who returned to Fenway Park this week for the first time since being traded to the White Sox, pretended to hump his baseball cap as he took the field Monday, all the while urging Red Sox fans to show their support by "flashing [him] some beaver."
[The Onion]
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