Ugly Clooney

BY Lucas Pearson , October 15th, 2007 As the 2006 season approached, I was very excited about the addition of Josh Beckett to the Boston rotation. As hard as it was to say goodbye to Hanley Ramirez, who was sure to be a star, it was worth it to obtain a young pitcher that could immediately become the ace of the staff.There was also a lot of talk about the albatross that would be making the trip north with Beckett. I never really followed the senior circuit, but was aware that Mike Lowell was a pretty damn good player, throughout his career. The problem was that he was awful in his last year in Florida. I heard that he was so desperate to solve his problems at the plate, in 2005, that he tried wearing only one contact lens, while batting. Maybe he wore it only in his lead eye, and the disparity between the two eyes would help him pick up the ball better? I have no idea how that would work. Compounding the idea that Lowell's days of being a productive player may have been over was that he made a lot of money. This isn't a good combination, when playing in Boston. Just ask J.D. Drew. When a large part of the fan-base feels priced out of going to ballgames, they are often offended by high priced ballplayers ? especially when they play like 'bums'. I found myself hoping that Mike Lowell would just add a little something to the team, and people wouldn't pay attention to him. Just blend in, and dance between the boos like a witch in a rainstorm. To my surprise, the rain never came. I was encouraged when I heard that, immediately following the end of the last game of the 2005 season, Lowell got in his car and drove some outrageous distance to work with his minor league batting coach. Now, after two seasons with the Red Sox, Lowell has been tremendous. He's played outstanding third-base defense. He followed up a very solid 2006 season with a monster 2007 season ? leading the team in RBI (setting a club record for runs driven in by a third baseman). George Clooney is a ridiculously handsome man (note ? let it be known that I speak only for myself on this. The statement does not extend past my own observation, and will not be attributed to any group of people, whether they are man or woman, short or tall). Since Lowell arrived in Boston, I thought he bore a resemblance to the modern day Carey Grant. Granted, Mike is not as striking as George. So, if moving up the scale, towards Clooney, is to be more handsome, moving down the scale is to be uglier. The Red Sox' third baseman has been known, in my house, as "Ugly Clooney" since his first week in Boston. Lowell, also, happens to be my girlfriend's all-time favorite player. She loves everything about him, except, maybe, the questionable goatee (highlighted by the wafer thin mustache). Kevin Youkilis, on the other hand, she loathes. Part of it is his not so thin goatee. Part of it is the balding head. I also think she dislikes the butt-wiggle batting stance, and she doesn't have an appreciation for OBP. She is not down with the OBP. Alex Rodriguez could join Mike Lowell on the list of high profile free agents, if he opts out of his landmark contract, following this season. I really hope that, despite the seemingly unlimited funds available to the Boston Red Sox, Theo is not blinded by regular season numbers and largely meaningless personal records. If he concentrates on how much a player contributes to team success, I can't imagine he'll find anyone more valuable than Mike Lowell. Sign him, and let A-Rod fail in the post-season for some other team. [Editor: I almost changed the title of this article. Every woman I know thinks Lowell is a sexy beast.]